Wednesday, December 31, 2008

New Year’s Eve….AGAIN!!

Okay, here’s the plan for this evening. As long as the place is open, we will be dining at a Chinese restaurant, and partaking in a huge volcano drink thingy (or 7). Then we will be retiring to my house or Perfectly’s Dad’s house for games and merriment. Unless after we eat and drink, we poop out.

Okay, so you may be asking yourselves “what does she mean if the place is open….Chinese places NEVER CLOSE!!”. Well, that’s what you think. I live in small city Missouri, where there are no really GOOD Chinese places. And the couple of places that are okay have really weird hours. Remember my FAVORITE Mexican place? El Jimidor? The one with $1.50 margaritas on Monday and Thursday nights? You know the one I talk about ALL THE TIME? Well, they are the busiest place in town. AND there are 3 locations in our 38,000 population city. THREE LOCATIONS!! That should show you how popular this place is. It’s cheap, it’s decent food, and CHEAP MARGARITAS!! Well, THEY are closing at 7pm tonight. WTF?? You’d think on New Year’s eve they’d sell TONS of FULL PRICE Margaritas…..and food…….and BEER!!! (Beer is the drink of choice for the ‘boys’ in this town). So, since the Chinese place we want to go to is 3 doors down from the Mexican place in the same strip mall, I’m thinking we may be SOL. I don’t really have a plan ‘B’, so I guess I’d better get onto the internet and find out how to make those volcano drinks, because we may be lighting them at HOME.

I had a very pleasant surprise this morning. SOMEONE BROUGHT ME A PRESENT!!! This never happens. See, it all started on the 19th. We had our work gift exchange and snack day. Our section is pretty small, therefore we include the “IT” (information technology, for those of you not hip with the lingo) section in this small celebration as well. They are a small group too, and we are the only two sections of our whole department that work on this floor, so we sort of hang out together a lot. As far as section hanging out goes, that is.

ANYWAY…….one of the ladies that works in our IT section used to work for my husband. I drew her name as the person to buy a gift for. We have a $15 limit. I try to use my money, savvy and coupons wisely to purchase something really nice for the person I buy for. She indicated on her ‘wish list’ that she wanted earrings and candles. I went to JC Penney---found a boxed set of supposedly real gemstone earrings set in silver and plated in gold---normally $50 (ahem…right), on sale for $17.99. I had a $10 coupon for any purchase at JC Penney, so I used that, then bought her a Vanilla Honey candle as well.

That day she brought some sort of cream cheese dip for her contribution to snack day. It was a sweet, slightly spicy concoction with crackers! It was cream cheese and some sort of mix in. We all LOVED it! She told us it was HER VERSION of some high dollar jam from Harry and David. She picked up a similar product—a sweet/spicy onion and pepper jam at the grocery store (instead of $15 or so at Harry and David) and used it as her mix in with cream cheese. IT WAS SOO GOOD! I looked at the same grocery store and couldn’t find the stuff…….so I emailed her earlier this week asking where she found it at the grocery and she told me. I was so excited to make it myself! And today, people, she brought me in a jar of the jam AND a block of cream cheese! How sweet was THAT?? Someone thought of me!! And, she wouldn’t let me give her any money to re-pay her!! So, now I can impress everyone with MY dip tonight. Except Mr. Perfectly who hates cream cheese or anything with cream cheese in it. Which eliminates like HALF of the really good crap in the world. He also doesn’t like Marscapone cheese…….he’s such a party pooper.

So, internet, do any of YOU know how to make those firey volcano drinks? If so, send on the recipes….because we may be eating La Choy tonight if there isn’t any place open.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, Everyone!!!!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

New Year's Eve!!

Hi, everyone!! Didja miss me? If you didn’t, then LIE, PEOPLE!!!!!

Christmas was nice, but I have to say, I’m glad it’s over. This year I just wasn’t feeling it like normal. Usually I’m ALL ABOUT Christmas, and lights and ornaments, but this year? Nah……it seemed like another day….

So, how was YOUR Christmas? Tell me all about it!!

And after you tell me about Christmas, PLEASE help me decide what some fun plans would be for New Year’s Eve. It’ll be just me, Mr. P, Perfectly’s Dad and Teenie. We aren’t clubbers (even if we were there AREN’T any in my town), so we need some awesome ideas, themes, or ANYTHING else that would be fun to do!!!! Oh, and if you’d like to join us………let me know that too…….you’ll have to get yourself here, and sleep on a hide a bed in a basement…..with dogs and a cat that LOVE new people sleeping where there are normally not people. Oh, and of course I’ll have to screen you through Mr. P. He’s particular about who sees him in his pj pants.

Mr. Perfectly and I have been suffering with some scourge or plague. It’s fraught with snot and sputum and long bouts of coughing. Yeah….now I KNOW you all will want to hang out with us on NYE…….we make one attractive couple!

Well, despite my long absence, I am really out of thoughts for the time being. Soon, I’ll sit down and hit y’all HARD with one of my long drawn out posts about the mundane life I live.

Unless, of course, something more exciting happens in the meantime.

Get me those NEW YEAR’S EVE ideas…..I really need some creative things to impress Teenie with. So far, I’ve come up with NOTHING and would love to show my ‘prowess’ in event planning.

I’ll anxiously await your fabulous Christmas stories and ideas for a NYE soiree!!

Monday, December 22, 2008


I’ve been told at times in my life that I have nice eyes. Dingo has recently told me that I have nice skin (maybe Dingo needs cheater glasses, because, I think my skin is not so pretty). I’ve also been told I have a nice smile (that is what people tell you when they don’t want to have to say you are pretty overall……..I know the rules…..)

Anyway, my sons have stunning eyes. I’d like to think it’s all because of me, but since my husband has beautiful blue eyes, I can’t take ALL the credit. My eyes vary in color. Between blue, blue/green, and even sometimes green---but mostly blue and blue/green.

Anyway, it was family picture time (ahem, a little late this year). We like to take photos and have them made into Christmas cards.

This was on Saturday, and it was BITTERLY cold—we decided to go to the Capital Building (which is common for us…it’s one of Mr. Perfectly’s favorite photography places). I shopped in the a.m. with my Daddy, and we all (all being me, Mr. P, son #2, Heather (my niece), and Maddison (my great niece) went to lunch.

I raced home to get ready for pictures. We were going to be all matching in white shirts and jeans (original, I know). I applied the makeup a little heavier than normal, and tried to accentuate the eyes……I was going for Avril Lavigne---with eyes all smokey and dark? Yeah, not so much.

My eyes look all small and squinty—and my MOUTH? It’s lopsided!!!! The photo session was fun and relaxed, so why do I look like a) a fat, squinty elf, and b) OLD. I look old.

I tried to leave my hair curly—and I look like an OLD wire haired terrier. With squinty eyes and a lopsided smile.

But, since that’s the only photo session we had, here you go. Oh, take a look at Heather and Maddie. GORGEOUS…..STUNNING…..BEAUTIFUL. Seriously.

This is my favorite---too bad Mr.Perfectly isn't in the picture.

See? The boys look handsome, EVERYONE looks good, but me. I know it's easy to be self critical, but I feel like this isn't REPRESENTATIVE of me......I am NOT OLD. Do you hear me, Internet? NOT OLD.

So, why do I LOOK old and shiny and squinty? year, I'll go for Marilyn Monroe or something. Avril didn't quite do it for me this year.

Toodles for now. Happy Monday.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Santa Baby.......

I don’t want a sable under the tree. What I’ve decided I really want is a new stove. One with a flat/glass/porcelain or WHATEVER top (it must have a black oven door since our new microwave is black). Internet, I am not a good housekeeper, and I am TI-RED of my stove looking like it was delivered from the bowels of hell. Yeah, Yeah, I know. Keep it clean, Perfectly, and it WOULDN’T LOOK LIKE THAT, right? Easier said than done. I have all these good intentions of washing out the drip trays every evening, and pulling knobs off every few days, and even working on the smoodge that gets on the side of the stove---between the stove and the cabinet? But it never seems to work out that I get that sort of thing done.

I also want Santa to bring me new bathroom flooring, and a new bathroom tub wall surround---a FANCY one that matches the NEW FLOORING!!! There’s one of these commercial chain places at our mall that has what new tub surrounds can LOOK LIKE and let me tell you-----I WANT ONE. Our house is older and actually, believe it or not, I really love our little bathroom….the sink, toilet and tub are all gray----kind of retro-ish (thank you to the previous owners for not putting in turquoise or pink or something)….gray is so interesting compared to white. And they make this marble looking stuff that you plaster on the walls and it has built in soap holders and stuff!!!! IT WOULD MATCH MY TUB!! I do have a requirement of the new bathroom flooring, though. It must be self cleaning. Like the oven I want.

**SPOILER ALERT** SPOILER ALERT** If you are my secret Santa and read my blog……STOP NOW….WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW TO FINISH……..please?

The rest of you, please continue, and we apologize for the interruption in regularly scheduled blogging.

At work we are having our ‘Secret Santa’ this week. I wanted to do it. No body else seemed as enchanted as I did about it, but, still, there are 6 of us doing it , and it’s FUN!! It’s fun going to my little cubby set up JUST FOR SANTA and finding trinkets there EVERY DAY! I think someone should give me stuff daily FOREVER---not just the week before Christmas. So far, I’ve received a votive holder with a soy votive candle (Plumeria, I believe), 2 packages of my FAVORITE coffee cookies (Hit Biscuits----go back into the depths of the archives, people….I’ve covered my love of these tasty little treats). And yesterday, I got a note pad with a little magnet---WITH A DACHSHUND on it. JUST LIKE MY BABY PUPPY, DEX!!

So, my Santa is thoughtful and is giving me things she knows I will like. I really appreciate that. The thought process is very sweet----so of course THAT leads me to believe I’ve figured out who it is. And here’s the kicker………I am HER secret Santa……and I’ve been working my rear off to provide her with little gifts that I think SHE will appreciate. Such as bath & body works hand sanitizer---because, like me, she’s mildly germaphobic and a book about Chinese New Year (since her daughters are from China). I got her a miniature snow globe with her name on it, I got her a cake plate….literally---a plate in the shape of a piece of cake (she decorates cakes!!---cute idea, huh??)…today she’s getting a $5 gift card to a coffee place that she likes to take her girls---and tomorrow? That’s the Piece de resistance (sorry, I don’t know how to get those little marks over the letters……..). IT’S A RICK SPRINGFIELD Christmas CD. In high school she ADORED Rick Springfield……..and when I saw the Christmas CD, I knew it HAD to be one of her gifts. Please don’t let her read this blog…PLEASE DON’T LET HER READ IT……..

Now, see? I tried to be personal and thoughtful as well. We compliment one another regarding gift giving. Now if she’d only shove that stove I want into my little Secret Santa cubby---it would be PERFECT.

Okay---that’s it for now.

Enjoy this rainy (at least in Missouri) Thursday----let’s hope it only rains and doesn’t freeze.


Wednesday, December 17, 2008


I don't like to bake. Do you? And as far as baking goes, cookies to me are the ABSOLUTE worst---I mean really---one batch in, out to cool, repeat, and repeat and REPEAT.

So, internet, why today am I in the mood to make COOKIES? I am clueless as to how my addled brain gets these nutty ideas. I am sure I'll regret the cookie making of 2008 before the day is over.

So, tell me, what are some of your favorite cookie recipes? I know, I know, chocolate chip....M & M, Oatmeal......but really, people, what is your favorite NON-BASIC cookies? Here are the ones I'm thinking of tackling today:

Graham cracker toffee (toffee-ish candy over graham crackers)
Mint thins (ritz crackers dipped in minty chocolate with candy canes crushed on them)
Forgotten Cookies (meringue cookies)
Maybe some oatmeal, choc chip, cranberry cookies?

I've already made the graham cracker toffee--it's the easiest thing in the WORLD to make....and it's generally pretty popular!!

1 and 1/2 sticks butter (BUTTER not margarine)oh, and I use salted.....I know baking pros always say use UN salted, but I always have salted in the house, so that is what I use.
3/4 c brown sugar
1 t vanilla
3/4 chopped pecans or almonds (optional)
graham crackers.

Line a cookie sheet with aluminum foil (ease of cleaning only)
spray foil w non-stick spray (lightly)
line entire cookie sheet with graham crackers

melt butter and sugar into a heavy bottomed saucepan over med heat. Boil and stir for 2 minutes.

After 2 minutes, remove from heat, add nuts and vanilla BE CAREFUL---VANILLA CAUSES THIS VOLATILE MIXTURE TO BUBBLE AND POP----stir in well.

pour brown sugar mixture over all graham crackers

bake in 350 oven for 10 minutes.

Let cool completely, break into random pieces and serve.

HELLOOOOO---can it be any easier? Or yummier? Today, I added chocolate chips to a third of them and let them melt. We'll see if this adds or detracts from the toffee goodness of the originals. Toffee is my absolute favorite candy--so these are one of my all time favorites. That and the forgotten grandma Winnie made them every year...and they were always my favorite.

Okay---office gifts. Mr. Perfectly has to come up with 15 (maybe 13) office gifts. He wanted to get embroidered polo shirts for everyone---with the name of their group on it. Well---the budget won't allow THAT, so we are back to square one. He wants to get something 'DIFFERENT' every year, so we are running out of ideas.

I had an idea, and so far he's ignored me.......we could get a bunch of dried beans and spices and make those 'soup in a jar' type of recipes. Then in a homey/kitchy way, type up a cooking recipe, attach to the jar of goods, and let the people add their own water, stock or leftover turkey (or whatever) you think that's too stupid? Cheap? Backwoods?

We can't spend alot, and this would be reflective of him, since we do cook alot...and enjoy it.....(hey, I'm grasping here).

I NEED IDEAS!!! 5 bucks and under. No alcohol. No popcorn tins, coffee mugs or baked goods. No pens, ornaments or anything ELSE that is feasible, because he'd be REPEATING it (she pulls her HAIR OUT).

Okay, I want your favorite cookies and cheap gift ideas. BRING IT ON, PEOPLE!!!

Toodles, for now.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Baby it's COLD outside (and snowy)!!

School is out, and my kids are home all snuggled in bed—so are my dogs. I want to be there TOO!! But noooooo, I’m here, at work knowing I should work but here I am, talking to you.

Whatever happened to the days of going to school unless there was A LOT of snow on the ground? I don’t remember having snow days with a ½ inch of snow and only maybe an inch more predicted. They ‘said’ it was cancelled due to deteriorating road conditions, but we’d only gotten like a ½ INCH!! Yesterday, there was that much sleet on the ground, and they had school……..I am all for safety and stuff, but we are raising a bunch of entitled little brats, if you ask me. It started with MY generation taking crap TOO FAR and demanding that schools be RESPONSIBLE for every little thing…….we can’t wear fragrance, or have nuts on the premises, or kids can’t bring a freaking knife to cut up an apple. Schools are sued because little Timmy was exposed to little Susie’s peanut butter sandwich. Or because the school playground equipment wasn’t all soft and cushy and made from recycled cotton balls or something. Or that the playground wasn’t covered with wood/rubber chips to break the wee ones falls.

Heaven FORBID if a school bus has an accident. Talk about lawsuits. When I was in junior high, we slid down a huge hill, drove backwards (well, the bus did) through a couple of yards, took out a retaining wall made of railroad ties, and rested against someone’s porch column. Nobody was hurt---my brother’s foot went through the glass in the back exit door, but that was about it…he had on cowboy boots, so he wasn’t cut.

Everyone seems to think that someone else is responsible for the well being of their child. Schools must take huge measures to ensure safety of everyone….bus drivers……coaches, etc…..whatever happened to letting the shit fly and if your kid gets injured on the playground, TAKE HIM TO THE DOCTOR AND GET IT FIXED!!!

I mean, I don’t advocate gross negligence or anything, but good grief….let kids be kids and if that means they get hurt while running, jumping and playing then be a parent and get their immediate needs taken care of and go on about your life!!

I realize my feelings may be unpopular, but really….we are raising our kids to not take responsibility for themselves. We are raising them to blame everyone else for their problems and not focus on how to make things right with themselves.

Ok, done with rant….for now, that is.

My husband and I work in the same state office building. He insists on driving in any type of weather, so I really can’t get by with calling in due to bad weather……..everyone knows he works here, and it would be pretty hard to explain why he made it in, and I couldn’t, you know? It really sucks---why can’t HE be a pussy and stay HOME!!!
Why does he have to be strong, and capable? Why does he feel the need to be responsible and GO TO WORK? Sheesh. One year it snowed 21 inches……in the hilly town we live in!! And we were one of like 9 cars in the whole parking lot (actually in the whole 5 parking lots). There are a couple of THOUSAND people that work in this building……so you get my point.

It’s the week before Christmas and I am so unprepared. I don’t know what to get my kids……I feel all humbug this year. I think a snow day, snuggled in with the boys and the dogs would have done WONDERS for that, don’t you?

Oh, did you all see? Read my comments from yesterday? I GOT A NEW READER!!!! AND he’s an AUTHOR!! Y’all know how I love the authors!!

Toodles for now…….I’m off to count how many more flakes we’ve gotten in the last hour. (That’s what everyone else does……….it’s really annoying)

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Books excite me...

I used to be an AVID reader. I mean AVID. If I wasn't reading a book there was a problem. I read early and proficiently as a kid, and my love of reading continues to this day. I also read very quickly. The last few years, however, I seem to have fizzled out on the reading. I read fiction--and if a book doesn't grab my attention in the first few pages, then I get bored. And the fiction of late apparently bored me. I want to be all eclectic and read cool stuff, but I find the eclectic stuff and the classics to be intimidating. I suppose the fact that I read so fast probably hinders my ability to appreciate the eclectic, or the classics, or genres that are unfamiliar territory for me (like sci fi and foreign subject matter........)If I have to read carefully or slowly to catch all the meaning, I also get bored...or I usually read fictionalized fluff (not the romance books....I DETEST the bosom heaver stuff). I read lawyer, doctor and mystery stuff mostly (which translates into a HUGE love for 'FORENSIC FILES'}

As a kid, Mythology really fascinated me. Maybe I ought to get some mythology stuff and read it. Even if it is for kids----since my patience level is not for the grad student caliber stuff.

Anyway, what is making me go on and on and on is that Son #1 works in the Customer Service area of Scholastic. You know when you were a kid and begged your mom to let you order stuff from the 'book order' flyer? Yeah, that's Scholastic. Scholastic has an employee book store. Employees and FAMILY can shop there!!! They sell thousands and thousands of books. For a pittance. Theys sell stamp pads, stickers and BOOKS. All the way from Infant to young adult (probably 8th grade????). I just went and spent $60 on books. Mr. Perfectly is going to DIE when he realizes how much I spent. BUT THEY ARE BOOKS......there is something about the smell of books. The feel of books. Knowing that you aren't just giving a kid something mindless. Reading is the KEY to everything. I bought Clifford books, Nascar Books, Nutcracker books.....I bought MAD LIBS for my adult brother! We used to LAUGH SO HARD growing up doing madlibs.

Books are just perfect. Perfect.

Anyway, I am not a sci fi fan---or a vampire fan (You all know where this is going? Huh??). But at the checkout area, there was a paperback version of "Twilight". I asked the cashier how much it was----and there was a limit of one per customer, but was .35. THIRTY FIVE CENTS. So I bought one. I don't know if I'm going to read it or if I'm going to give it as a gift......but anyway I JUST BOUGHT 'TWILIGHT' FOR THIRTY FIVE FREAKING CENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MelissaLion? Are your books published by Scholastic by chance? If so, I'm going to buy a bunch and have you sign them and give them to my nieces and nephews (when they are older, of course).

I bought a hardback DISNEY COOKBOOK for kids for $4.00. $4.00 was the most I spent on ANY ITEM. I bought extreme sports books for boys and 'The Jonas Brothers' books and 'Hannah Montana' for the girls. I got Board Books, I got Young Adult books for a nephew that's an advanced reader.

I am so excited I can't stand it. I want to read every book I just bought!!! Son #1was surly and angry that he had to endure my 40 minutes in the store. But, he agreed to take me to the next family night. OMG, I can't wait. I can't wait to give BOOKS to the kids in my family. Even if they ARE about the Jonas Brothers. Anything to get them to READ and ABSORB everything they can about whatever interests them.

Books. I'd like to spend several days naked in Barnes and Noble or even a library. Love the books.

Just LOOK at them!!

Oh, and as promised here is naked tree and decorated tree. He's pretty small and patchy, but he's pre lit and he fits in the corner.

That's all I've got for now. Of to shop w/ Perfectly's dad. He hates shopping and gets grouchy. Good times.


Thursday, December 11, 2008

My Blog, My Blog, My LOVELY Lttle Blog

Hello everyone!

Didja miss me? Huh? Huh? Really, you can let me must have been sad not being able to see me for a while, RIGHT?

Well, here's the deal. I'm running low on funny. I was doing so good, too!! But the funny seems to have left the building for the time being.

I've been stuck in a different cubicle at work, with different people around me (of whom I hope I skeeved out TOTALLY with my Funyun/V8 snack). It's weird when you aren't where you are supposed to be. It's UNCOMFORTABLE, despite the fact I am still in the same department with the same co-workers....etc, but they aren't MY people and MY desk, and MY know? It makes me feel awkward. Especially when I was all trying to be cute and stuff to the gal in the cube next to me. I went over to her chuckling that I was plugging in my electric stapler---and that I stapled ALOT, and that said stapeler happend to sound faintly like know tee hee.....and she just threw me a look over her shoulder and said a very terse 'you're fine'. No conspiratal giggle, no smile, no---THANKS FOR THE WARNING......just a cold look.

So, there I sit all day STAPLING my papers hoping she thinks she's under attack. I'll SHOW her for not getting my cute.

So then today, I wake up and my eye is RED. Like RED, not slightly red, but RED in the corner. I put allergy eye drops in and head to work. I feel like there is sand and fine hairs under my contacts no matter HOW clean they are. I went to the doctor, and I have conjunctivitis. Which is generic for eye irritation. It isn't anything contagious, though. Just uncomfortable. I was sent home to take contacts out and wear glasses for a day. yeah. I stayed home. I have glasses from maybe 8 years ago......that were some multi colored rim over gold rim and HUGE and COKE BOTTLE-ISH. And 2 prescriptions old. I have to wear my granny glasses OVER my regular glasses to see the computer monitor. It's sad. I'm far to vain to walk into work with these monstrosities on. GAH. I know, it makes it seem as if I'm superficial.....and I guess I am.

So here I sit, with an undecorated 6 ft dismal tree. It just doesn't feel Christmasy. I'm having residual grumps from last week, and my eyes feel gritty. I kind of just want to sleep with the baby puppy on my lap. Maybe I will.

Oh, I'll take pictures of naked dismal tree and decorated dismal tree for you. I know, you CAN'T WAIT.

Well, that's it for now, folks. I'm off to my comfy chair and blanket (hahaha---you all are AT WORK.....hahahaha)

I'll be back with pictures.........if you are lucky!!

Friday, December 5, 2008

What a difference a day makes!!

Hi everyone. Wow, today is a MUCH better day. Must have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed yesterday is all I can say.

Our office was moved today. Wow, it really stresses people out. Like I can comment since yesterday I was off the wall for no apparent reason!! Anyway, I'm in a nice big cubicle--bigger than my current one. I will only be for a few days, then we'll be back in our regular office smelling new carpeting!!

Oh--in the fog of my crazy yesterday, I managed to get Friday and Saturday all screwed up. We are supposed to attend a dinner party this evening. Only, I had it in my head that it was TOMORROW evening. Yeah. I'm supposed to bring a casserole and a dessert. Whoopsie! I am making chocolate/pecan pie because if it's warm, that is fine. I'm also making rice casserole that needs to be hot, we're good. I even bought a bottle of wine for the host and hostess (and pray that they open that sucker for dinner!!).

Happy Friday people! Thank you SO MUCH for cheering me up yesterday!! I really appreicate your thoughtfulnes!

Toodles for now!!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

It's a bad, bad day

Okay, friends, I’m counting on YOU to help bring me out of my funk today. Home is fine, work is fine….well fine as work can be…..and I’m STILL in a funk. I feel moody, weepy and ANGRY (I wish I had Crissy’s WII boxing……..)

I don’t like to be like this. I like the happy Perfectly. The one who is happy with her life and isn’t upset over absolutely NOTHING. I mean I may get ocd about things, and I may stalk my friends in hopes of spending time with them, but generally, I am quite content. Today, however, I am mysteriously angst ridden.

I have worried about Christmas, visiting my Mom and Grandma, visiting my cute cousin’s house after Christmas, not having my decorations out yet, my weight, my trouser socks fitting too tight at the top—and it’s NOT FAIR. I’ve worried if my friends like me, if my INTERNET friends like me and what in the hell will we have for dinner? What if my kids hate me? Will they need THERAPY for the rest of their lives because of me? What about the Christmas Secret Santa here at work? Will the new carpet installation and our area being scattered about the Department wreak havoc on THAT plan? What if the recipient of my Secret Santa stuff HATES it? She always hates her office gifts……..I can’t spend a ton of money---it’s secret Santa for heavens sakes…..5 days of gift giving……but I want to be CUTE and CREATIVE.

See Internets? JUST SEE WHAT MY BRAIN DOES TO ME IN A FIT OF WORRY? I’ll fess up about something. I’ve never told people about this because of the ‘stigma’. I started taking prozac last February. I was prescribed it for some PMS symptoms (remember my near tears over getting a cheese dog instead of a regular hot dog October 2007??). The drug name used specifically for PMS is called ‘ Sarafem’, but because it’s nothing else but prozac, my Dr. just gave me the prozac so I could get the generic savings.

OMG…has it done wonders. Do you all hear me obsess NEARLY as much about my appearance and weight issues? Huh? Do you? I mean, I do mention it occasionally, but if you look at my blog at the beginning half compared to the more current stuff….you’ll see. I’m not nearly as insecure feeling (a lot of the time), and I don’t get hysterical about crap like I mentioned above.

SO WHY AM I HYSTERICAL today? Must be some major pms hormones raging because man…….the prozac isn’t DEALING WITH IT. I have noticed that once in a blue moon I still get weird, so I guess it’s better than doing it every month…..but lordy be, Internets!! Today is like a blazing reminder of what my mind used to do to me all the time!!

So, where do YOU fit in? It’s been deemed (by me) YOUR JOB TODAY to make me smile. Cheer me up. Yeah, I know…it’s nobody’s job to make me happy but me. I get it you armchair Dr. Phil’s out there, but DAMNIT…today it’s ALL ABOUT ME and WHAT I WANT!!

So, I hereby want all your funny—I want all your charm---and hearing how much you all LUUUVVVV me today. Pass it along to your other blog friends that don’t know me and MAKE THEM LOVE ME, TOO!!

Got it? You all have your assignment? Good. Multiple comments from the same people will be happily accepted.

Go forth and bring the happy, people. I’ll be waiting.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Wonderful Wednesday

It's drunken Ghost Hunters Wednesday!! I hope Dingo takes my advice and watches tonight.....just so she can be MORE freaked out than with the Creepy Security Guard. Right now I'm watching an OLD (2004) re-run----nothing exciting is happening. The new episode won't be on til 8 pm Central Time.

Let's see.....what random information can I amuse us both with today. Oh....I new pal Daisee?? Yeah, I love her--but do any of you in the rest of the world get the Daisy Sour Cream commercials? Yeah, this is one jingle that sticks in my brain and WON'T LEAVE....and I swear, after I hear from Daisee, or respond to her comments.....I sing this diddy for the REST OF THE DAY!! I guess since I adore my friend Daisee, I'll have to put up with THIS for as long as it won't leave my brain!!

While on the subject of You Tube---you MUST watch this. It is my current FAVORITE commercial airing right now. Well, I say airing....I've only seen it once on TV, but I watch it all the time on You Tube.......I fell in love with it one weekend day while surfing's the cutest commercial around!!

Now, doesn't that make you feel all warm and fuzzy? It does me.

I'm a big scent person. I try not to bathe in scent, but I do enjoy shampoo, body washes, sprays and perfumes that smell good. If someone says something smells good, I'm anxious to try it. An example: Philosophy has a set of fragrances. I see them on QVC all the time--but how can I justify a $65 purchase for something that I've never smelled before? I called Philosopy and was very disappointed that their customer service reps wouldn't send me a sample of the fragrance 'Amazing Grace'. I called them back and begged another time and got a sample. I really liked I bought some. Now it's gone, and I'm Amazing Graceless. I'm sad.

But anyway, in my package, were samples of other Philosophy products. I put them aside and never used them. I ran across them recently, and used the sample of a moisturizer called 'Hope in a Jar'. Oprah and everyone RAVES about this moisturizer. Hey, if Oprah likes it, then I'm sure I would! I had a faint memory of one of my blogger buddies posting that she didn't care for the smell. To me, most moisturizers have that grandma-ish smell......soft and lotion-ey. How bad could it be? Sometimes people are really sensitive to fragrance, so I didn't hesitate to use it. Jonna, YOU WERE RIGHT!! It smells NASTY. NNNNAAAASSSTTTYYY. I went to lunch with Mr. Perfectly right after applying and got to eat pizza while smelling the horrid smell of "Hope in a Jar". Be stinks. Like what? I dont' know. But let me tell you, it's not your grandmas Pond's cold cream. Blech. I went back posthaste to my Aveeno Positively Radiant.

Speaking of products that smell good, does anyone but me think Aveda products are absolutely the BEST? I worry alot about money, and Aveda is so freaking expensive!!! I've been spending $15 for Shampoo and $15 for Conditioner! It's pricy for my budget, but when in the shower, I feel positively giddy when I smell the deep, herbacious smells of Aveda.

I guess that's about all the randomness I can come up with for the moment. I'm off to curl up in a blanket and wait for my Ghost Hunters to come on------


Tuesday, December 2, 2008

I'll have you in STITCHES!!

Remember the microwave installation? The one I was waiting on so I could ask (politely, of course) Mr. P to put pictures on my profile so I could inundate you all with THANKSGIVING and Misc. photos? Remember? Huh?

Yeah, the Microwave. It didn't work right. It stopped after about 3 minutes. Just wasn't blowing a fuse, and the outlet worked's like it was overheating or something. Mr. P. was quite frustrated because it took ALOT of effort for him to install it in our very dated kitchen.

He called Tappan (who is also Electrolux---think of me doing a Kelly Ripa with my mouth in perfect 'O' whilst making a variety of food for my family) and they suggested he TAKE THE SUCKER DOWN AND RETURN IT TO LOWE'S. He wasn't happy. Son #2 had a massive migraine yesterday, and because he sometimes gets so bad he doesn't function well.......and we hesitate to leave him when he's got a bad one. So, anyway, Mr. Perfectly stayed home. He began the arduous process of taking out the microwave, packaging it up, and returning it to Lowes. He exchanged it, and brought it home. He began the process of RE-INSTALLING the new microwave.

He figured out what he'd done wrong when installing the FIRST one...and he was really happy to think that maybe this one would work. He put his hand up into the duct work (the vent) to double check stuff and when he pulled his hand out he realized it was BLEEDING.....ALOT.

We took him to the hospital, and this is what he ended up with:

Yummy, right?

The emergency room was FRAUGHT with pukers. And I don't deal well with puking. We tried to avoid the major puke areas, but there were people at EVERY TURN with their heads in basins. I could feel the vomit germs coursing down my esophagus, to infect MY body. It was traumatic---stitches and vomit worries.

Well, I was all set to post about how our office is moving, and it's causing great distress, and then maybe post some photos, but son #2 needs the computer for homework.

Sorry, Internets.........homework trumps blogging........not much trumps my blogger friends, but I have to admit.....homework does.

Toodles for now............I'll post more anxiety ridden stuff later!! Good Times!!

Friday, November 28, 2008

Black Friday

Hi everyone. Hope you all had a FABULOUS Thanksgiving. I did.

I missed my mom and grandma terribly. I felt bad when Mom called me yesterday---but all in all, it's best for Grandma, and we WILL make a trip in the next two weeks.

Aside from THAT, I had a lovely Thanksgiving. Mr. Perfectly planned and executed the menu nearly from beginning to end. My only duties for the day was to make pecan pies (one regular and one chocolate pecan), and to make the broth for Chicken Noodle soup. This is the alternative to Turkey that Mr. P. wanted for dinner. With HOMEMADE egg noodles. Yum. It's one of our favorite meals. We top mashed potatoes with the homemade chicken noodle soup. Yes, I's carb overkill, but man...let me tell you....unless you've had it, DON'T KNOCK IT. Obviously, this isn't a menu we eat regularly-----but OMG...when we do eat's knock your socks off good.

We had a raw veggie tray to help offset the lack of fiber in the meal itself....with raw tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots, cauliflower, broccoli, celery and green onion. Mr. P. also tried to make "Jessie Rolls" that I so failed at on Sunday. His weren't perfect, either. We apparently have a learning curve to perfect them. I will honestly say that the first two times I made them, they were pretty good. The 3rd time sucked and when Mr. P made them.....meh---just okay. Although, I didn't bake them, so I appreciate his dinner more than you and he will ever know.

We got up this morning at 3am to go shopping on 'Black Friday'. We went right back to sleep. We got up around 6 am to do the same and hit the mall. I wanted the free snow globe from JC Penneys......they were out. I should have been there at 4am when they opened. I am very disappointed. I've gotten the free JC Penneys's snow globe for at least the last 5 years if not more. **sigh** Laziness gets you NOWHERE.

We went to Lowes and got quite the deal. They'd advertised 14 gal 'Shop Vacs' with a 4.5 horse power motor for $29. They were sold out by the time we arrived. Another customer had 2 in his cart, when I asked him where he'd gotten them. He told me, but also told me they were completely out of the advertised product. But some dude that worked at Lowe's told him that they'd sell the 5.5 HORSEPOWER similar one for the same price. I went looking. There was only one left, and my cart was overflowing full. I found Mr. P, and sent him to the Shop Vac section and tracked down (stalked) the customer I'd talked to before to see WHO had agreed to such a deal.......and he pointed out some guy....whom I asked about substituting the shop vacs. He told me 'NO'. That they weren't substituting anything. I TOLD him that the OTHER GUY was getting a deal--and he said that there had been a miscommunication and that the big manager dude said 'no substitutions'. I stalked (tracked down) that other guy AGAIN in his checkout line and told him they weren't giving me the same deal as he got....and he whispered that the girl was ringing his up as $29 right then, and I should try coming through her line. Mr. P was at this point dragging the full cart AND the Shop Vac up to my location, and we got into line with the same lady that rang up the mysterious guy I'd been talking to all morning. I just said to her that we wanted the same deal he got, and she said "Yeah, I know", and rang it through as $29!!!! A $90 shop vac with 14 gal capacity and a 5.5 horsepower motor was OURS!!!

We also got a new over the stove microwave, some storage containers, a flashlight and 2 poinsettias. Whew. All for $148.00. Mr. P is now trying to install a brand spanking new Microwave.

Ph.d. and her husband came over with their dogs for a few minutes this morning. Wow. 5 dogs in this tiny house is quite the feat. Dex spent most of his time humping Lester, their almost 6 month old basset hound--If you read my blog YOU'VE SEEN HIS BABY PICTURES!! Not only did 7 lb Dex hump the 35 lb Lester, Dex also proceeded to lick Lester's....well....'private parts'. Lester is neutered, so there's not much left, but what was there was licked by baby puppy dachshund. It was sort of embarrassing.

Heather then called and wanted to go to lunch. Her favorite place is my Mexican place that has the Margarita's that I so I joined her and Maddie (who is 5) and Heather's sister, Mia...who is ALSO 5. I partook in a Jumbo Margarita, ate lunch, and then we all went to Kohl's. Their early bird specials were supposed to be gone at 1 pm, and we got there at 2 pm. But, I've been to Kohl's before when they've announced an extension of their early bird deals due to great demand. Sure enough, as we walked in the doors, they were announcing that the specials would end at 3pm instead of 1pm. I bought a purse (which I have an addiction to---it's orange, and slouchy, and's wonderful), and 3 towels and a down comforter for Son #1. He sleeps all curled up in various throw sized blankets and I thought he finally deserved a full sized comforter of his own.

So, here I sit......debating the idea of going to buy a WHITE Christmas tree this year. Talk me out of it,'s wrong to have as many Christmas trees in our house as we do. We have 3 artificial ones. THREE we use, one is too big for our tiny little house (and HELLO.......pre lit trees? Once you go pre-lit, you NEVVVVAAAAA go back) and a fiber optic one we took from my Grandma Winnie's house after she died. I'm too sad to put that one up. Besides, it's only a 3 footer. I keep thinking white tree, with silver, brown and light turquoise ornaments..........can you IMAGINE? The lovliness? THE EXPENSE? THE STUPIDNESS when we have a perfectly good (albeit scrawny) tree that we got for $25 a few years ago. Pre-lit with 400 measly lights.

I'd take another scrawny 400 light tree....IN WHITE.....and decorate it all cutsey......Wal Mart has them.......I NEED AN INTERVENTION!!

Well, that's all I've got for now. I've got pictures, but none are loaded onto my profile yet, and since I'm computer illiterate, it'll have to wait til Mr. P. gets the new microwave installed and for him to have time to deal with photos. For my Blog. Nothing important, you know.

hahah...just joking honey.....take your time.......I understand!!!!

Happy Day after Thanksgiving people!!!!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

I suck

No, seriously……We planned on going to Des Moines for Thanksgiving---with Mom, and my Step-dad, and my grandma/grandpa and Uncle and cousins.

My grandma, who is 85, had her knee replaced at the end of October. She’s had quite a difficult recovery---two weeks ago she wasn’t keeping any food or drink down---and the doctors don’t know why. The admitted her to the hospital and ran tests and came up with the fact that she may be reacting to all the medication she’s on. Oh….and to back this story up….the week after she had the knee replaced, she ended up having to have the incision re-opened and debrieded---she had a staph infection.

So, here she is, 85, having 2 surgeries back to back, and reacting to her medication PLUS plugging away at her re-hab---she’s quite weak. She finally started eating on Sunday (this past Sunday) she said.

With Son #1’s girlfriend having a stomach bug, we’ve been fearful if HE comes down with it that we’d take it to Des Moines with us. We’ve been on guard, waiting to see if he gets what SHE has. I went ahead and made hotel (Motel?) reservations. We picked a place that will allow pets so we could take Dex –and show him off, and not board him. He’s such a sweet baby puppy----and he needs socialization. He’s doing GREAT on his housetraining, so we thought this trip would be FABULOUS for him.

Anyway---yesterday my nose was drippy all day—this isn’t unusual. I have pretty terrible hay fever type allergies, so my nose almost ALWAYS runs. I got home and had more than normal head congestion. I called my Mom to visit with her, and she immediately noticed my lovely nasal sounding voice. I was still hoping it would be allergies, but overnight it appears it isn’t. I have a standard head cold. It isn’t bad---but the fear of giving grandma ANY type of illness is so great. If she’d get a cold or a stomach bug or something, it could be DEVASTATING for her in her present state of health. I went to the doctor for routine bloodwork (cholesterol, etc), and asked for a flu shot. They took one look at my runny nose and congested voice and said ‘nope’ not til you are over your cold. I said…’what if it’s allergies??” And she wouldn’t give in.

So, we aren’t going to Des Moines. I feel almost like a failure----We didn’t go last year due to a bizarre weather pattern that lasted all of 10 hours or something, but prevented us from travelling. I’m worried they’ll think I’m fabricating excuses!! But, mostly I miss my grandma and mom. I was looking forward to their cooking and being with them.

I’m at work, and at times I think ‘hey….maybe I’m better….maybe it IS allergies’, then another round of sneezing starts, and the waterworks go in full force. I have a headache and am tired, so I assume it’s a cold. Although, I’ll never be certain….but rather than chance giving something to Grandma, I’ll just wait.

So, now I’m at work, and have to shop for stuff for some semblance of a dinner tomorrow.

Toodles for now. Take a moment and feel sorry for me. THEN be thankful for whatever you are thankful for.

Monday, November 24, 2008

It's Thanksgiving!

We had Thanksgiving at Perfectly's Dad's Sunday. It was very nice. Stressful at moments, but overall, very nice. Dad tends to get.....well.....TENSE when there are lots of people around to impress. I took 3 bottles of wine to help alleviate the tension (except Perfectly's dad really doesn't drink), and lo and behold the In-Laws brought another 3 bottles! Oh.....who all was there? It was quite a party!!

Me, Mr. P, Son #1 and his new girlfriend, son #2 and Girlfriend, Heather, Maddie, my brother, my in-laws, Teenie and HER son#2. Did I forget anyone? was all the 'family'.

As mentioned before, we have quite a small family---and to me it's so nice to be able to include in-laws, and BFF's in the mix.........

My goal was to arrive at 9:30 am to start the "Jessie Rolls". My great aunt Jessie made the very best yeast rolls we've ever eaten. I, of course, never KNEW that maybe I'd NEED her secret info someday. You KNOW....she was going to make Jessie Rolls FOREVER. But, my impatient self never paid Aunt Jessie much attention when she MADE the now trying to re-create them is nearly impossible. They weren't so good. A little heavy and overcooked.

But anyway, I didn't get there til 10 am....and Heather, who was my trusty helper didn't get there til maybe 10:15 am. We whipped up the beginnings of the yeast dough.....and Perfectly's dad had his 'list' to make sure the timing of everything was just right. IT'S A THANKSGIVING MEAL PEOPLE! Of COURSE it isn't going to come out all on time....just right. It's a Holiday RULE........unless you are Martha Stewart or something.

So, what were the highlights? Hmmmm.......there are so MANY.

Rolls were not that fabulous.

Mother-in-law drank probably 3 glasses of wine BEFORE dinner....and had nothing else to eat in the day.

Stuffing was far to peppery (Perfectly's dad's fault)

Ham was okay, but not fabulous. We bought a different brand. Lesson Learned.

It was pointed out to the entire table that I was the ONLY one who voted for OBAMA. (how do they know? huh? for real...)

Father in law was griping about 'where are all the CHANGES he promised'? WTF? HE ISN'T EVEN IN OFFICE YET.....DUHHHHH......AND HE'S BEEN ELECTED FOR ALL OF WHAT.....3 WEEKS?

Son #1's girlfriend ended up having a stomach virus and throwing up in Mr. P's car on the way home (poor kid...I feel bad for her...and son #1.....)

Father-in-law pulled his gun out at the dinner show it off. We had quite the discussion of the guns they own and how both he and she have conceal and carry permits. Hey Teenie and her son #2...WELCOME TO THE FAM! See the guns?

Mother in law was flushed and drowsy at dinner. Go figure. Let's hope SHE wasn't packing.

GOOD TIMES!!!! I bet you ALL want to come to the next event! I'll get with you with times and dates. See you THEN!!

Friday, November 21, 2008

Wasting away FOR Margaritaville

It's Friday FAVORITE night......and what am I doing? Sitting at the computer, blogging, having my dogs stare at me.

I am really WISHING that you all LIVED here so we could go out for Margaritas. The JUMBO one for $6.95 (that's 26 oz of Margarita fun). Teenie is a. busy b. ignoring me or c. doesnt' have her phone plugged in/on/with her. I'm guessing busy, but fearful she's ignoring my stalkerish 3 calls in an hour. I stalk then fret. Stalk then worry. Sorry MelissaLion and Crissy--I don't fit the sociopathic stereotype of stalkers that don't care about their stalkeree's feelings. I do care, I just can't always help myself.

Hey....that reminds me. For those of you whom I'm already stalking (MelissaLion and Crissy) and for those that may want me to stalk you (anyone? Anyone? Bueller?), I NEED YOUR CONTACT INFO!! That's all existing phone numbers (home, work, cell, spouse/sig. other, etc), addresses and all e-mail addresses. HOW CAN I CALL YOU 3X IN ONE HOUR TO SEE IF YOU WANT VIRTUAL MARGARITAS unless I know how to contact you all!!????

Oh, and DAISEE---YOU CAME BACK!!! I got your comments yesterday, but due to stressful work and home circumstances, I didn't really respond. I took an anti-anxiety pill and went to bed at 8:30 pm.

I was WORRIED that maybe I wasn't WORTHY of being stalked by one so cute and fun!!! But you came back...I was SO happy.

And Stoogie. I am worried. I'm worried that you tire of me, since all the OTHER blogger girls talk about sex toys and their va-jay-jays....and all I ever reference is my boobs. COME BACK TO ME, STOOGIE!! come back.

Mr. Perfectly is out and about to Blue Springs today. Our high school football team is IN THE SEMI-FINALS!!! Can you say WOOOOTTTTT?? Son #2 is a freshman, but he's dressing out and will be on the sidelines with the rest of the team. He won't play, but if we win....we'll go on to the championships in St. Louis the week of Turkey Day. He'll get to go and dress out for that too. If we make it. Keep your fingers crossed and talk to the Football gods......

Okay, back to me. Today is Heather's birthday, and SHE'S going to have a big ole margarita with me. Or maybe I should say I'm going with her for a celebratory birthday dinner (and a JUMBO Margarita!!!).

I hate not having a huge pool of stalkeree's to choose from when my BFF's aren't available. It sucks. I wish I was like Jakki and had people waiting in LINE to be in her presence. I worry that people dont' like me and I dont' know...I just get weird.

I AM however, planning on taking the camera to record some of my beautiful niece's 23rd birthday AND MY JUMBO MARGARITA. And if Perfectly's dad comes, maybe him too. (he's Heather's grandpa!!)

Oh, and I'm just kidding about the wasting away stuff. I've got alot of poundage to go before one could say I'm even CLOSE to wasting away. It just made a fun blog title. It's all about you, internet......I try to please.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

It's official....I'm old

Why am I old? here are a few reasons:

1. I'm going to bed earlier and earlier
2. I hear my mother's voice when I speak
3. I wear nightgowns. Not cute sassy PJ's but a NIGHTGOWN. From JCPenney, no less. To top it off, I've been known, of late, to come home and immediately put the nightgown on......and stay in it all evening.
4. Cleaning out 2 cabinets made me happy
5. I'm looking FORWARD to cooking and stuff for Thanksgiving!
6. I bemoan the youth of today.

Maybe it's the time change, and it's dark early. I dont' know, but I'm not liking it.

Send some Geritol and incontinence pads my way for Christmas. Looks like I'll be needing them.

Monday, November 17, 2008

I must have a problem

Today son #2 had to have an MRI on his knee. Currently he's in one of those long braces....from thigh to calf? They think there may be a bone chip or something behind his knee cap.

So, after running around with him, I stayed home. I managed to get quite a bit accomplished. I have a small house. I don't mind my's comfortable for us. 3 bedrooms. 1 and a half baths......but the kitchen is the tiniest I've ever seen in a house. I mean I know there are hardly kitchens in alot of large city apartments and condos but this is a HOUSE. A whole HOUSE. And my kitchen is smaller than many BATHROOMS.

Anyway, we have a baker's rack along an empty wall---it is filled with STUFF. A coffee maker, extra, pretty plates, and the lower shelves have all my pots and pans. The very top shelf holds my canisters and the base for my phone. I have coffee cups hung on hooks all around it. The coffee mugs are dusty and rarely get washed, let alone used. My father in law bought me a set of stainless steel cookware. Some with NO nonstick on it. We are overflowing on the baker's rack. Mr. Perfectly cusses at LEAST once a day, if not more, over the overflow of crap that I sit on the floor hoping SOMEONE will DO something with it.

So, this morning, before the MRI, while in my jammies, I got busy. I cleaned out a cabinet (that we added in said tiny kitchen) I cleaned out cereal that wasn't getting eaten, crackers that have been LONG forgotten and replaced many times over.....with the replacements being long forgotten....I took some misc. stuff downstairs to store (with all the other crap we don't know what to do with), and I put all my liquor on a shelf in the cabinet, and moved some small appliances and big pots into the cabinet, freeing up alot of space on the bottom shelf of the bakers rack.......

We put all of our soda (or pop) and juice and other drinks ON THE FLOOR in FRONT of the bakers rack....which makes me trip, and I cuss at least once a day over the 12 packs of soda laying around. It's terrible. REALLY terrible.

Anyway, I moved some stuff around, made the bottom shelf of the rack for the soda and drinks, and hopefully will appease my wonderful husband. In the meantime, I found 4 brand new sets of gladware (or the other brands.......same stuff tho). Plastic containers with plastic lids. We lose lids. ALL THE TIME. So, trying to be helpful, I buy MORE containers AND lids but we never seem to throw the lid-less containers away....this upsets Mr. Perfectly alot too.

When I went to store our bazillion piece cookie cutter set (WTF? I don't make cookies) and a couple of other various items.....I found....YOU GUESSED IT...another two sets of plastic.

WHOOPSIE!! I apparently have a problem. No wonder Mr. Perfectly gets all bent out of shape.

So, I guess my next task is to match up lids with containers and pitch the lid-less ones.

Oh, and son #2 failed to take the trash out on Thursday, so our barrel is totally full and I have an extra 3 full bags of kitchen trash. Now I guess I'll add some plastic trash.

I don't think of us as pack rats. We get rid of LOTS of stuff on a regular basis. We, in fact, are the trashiest people I know!!! We don't always have full barrels, but we put our trash out twice a week, and MANY times the big rolling trash cart is overflowing. How can this be? It's nuts. No........(hangs head) we don't recycle. Mr. Perfectly told me if I wanted to recycle, it would be all my job. He said I'd have to wash out all cans, bottles and whatever else was recycled to prevent bugs.......and he wasn't doing ANY of, it's not getting done. I'm not patient or dedicated enough to recycle. I know, I'm a bad, bad person.

I tried to learn how to get the pictures from the photo memory card to the computer. I apparently am the dumbest person on earth, because I couldn't do it by myself or with help from Mr. Perfectly. I am such an idiot at times.

I took pictures of my messy kitchen/baker's rack, and I have some of Buster at the vet this past Saturday---all muzzled like Hannibal Lecter again......poor baby. He got x-rays........nothing appears to be wrong, and he is hobbling around on 3 legs for no apparent reason.

Alas, the photos will have to wait.'s a final thought. Ruby.

I have often posted on how I wish I had lots of friends, and how I'm afraid of being judged on my weight, blah blah blah. Right?

I found a 'reality show' on they Style Network called Ruby. She's a very overweight woman on a mission to lose weight. For all the right reasons. HERSELF, mainly. She's absolutely lovely. I fell in love with her on her first show. She's outgoing, kind and seems to be such a fabulous person!!! She has a huge support system, and lots of friends, and the girl seems to have most of her shit together.

If you have a sec, look it up on the internet, or watch her show. You'll fall for her too!! I imagine my internets as people like Ruby's friends. Y'all love me for me......(I hope).....and Stoogie loves me for my boobs. haha...just joking Stoogie.

I'm off for now.......gotta cook din for the fam.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008



I'm applying for the job of Crissy's Stalker---as she requested. I posted some job qualifications on her blog, but it's RUDE to take up THAT much space in someone's comments, so I thought I'd put my resume/qualifications on MY blog so she can make an informed decision.

Oh, I am quite flexible, so if by happenstance, you need a stalker in YOUR life, then give me a jingle......I'm sure I can fit more than one stalkeree in my life.

I am uniquely qualified to be your stalker, as I do this on a regular basis and have done so all my life. I am not a creepy stalker, or a stalker wanting to see you NEKKID, but one who only wants to have as MANY BFF's in her life as possible.

I am also qualified to be a Princess Stalker, as some of my attributes will show...I can be as Entitled and Princess-ish as the next stalker.

Like when I was a kid and ran after people to walk to school with me that I thought left me behind!

Like my ability to call your home, work and cell phones and send a text in mere SECONDS hoping to catch up with you do stuff, or to chat!

Like when I was in high school, and I drove by my then boyfriend's car a millionty times while he was out of town to just 'see' the car......

Like when I get my feelings hurt when you have plans with your FAMILY instead of me.

Like not needing speed-dial on old fashioned phones since my fingers can dial and redial numbers lightning fast!

My uncanny ability to remember phone numbers in general.

My uncanny ability to remember things you tell me, no matter how insignificant.

My uncanny ability to have hours long phone conversations about such riviting topics as Dogs and Teenagers.

My use of google to find shit out.

Like how I KNOW I shouldn't call back within 10 minutes after calling all your known numbers and texting you, but I do anyway, JUST IN CASE you may not have gotten my messages or noticed your missed calls.

Like my desire to just email you to see what you are doing....and have you respond.

and the biggest of all? I stalk MYSELF looking for return e-mails, and comments to my blog. I check my own e-mail like WAAAYYYY too often to see if you've communicated with me in some see if my posts were witty and made you laugh, or if you think I'm insightful and intelligent!

Yes, I know. My mad skillz are enough to make the tens of you that read my blog RACING to have me be your own stalker. You all will be vying to be first in my e-mails and comments.

MelissaLion? I know you are just DYING to have me stalk YOU too........

I know it's amazing that a busy Wife, Mom and employee would have the TIME to acquire such an impressive list of stalker skills, but I multi task well, and have learned how to accomplish much while doing other tasks. Like checking my e-mail and Sitemeter!!

I'll be awaiting your applications!! I can't WAIT to see the traffic this awesome post brings to my site!!

Toodles for now!!

I appreciate your consideration

Oh, my references? I'll provide them upon request. They will be from Teenie, Jakki and Ph.D!!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Beans Beans, the musical fruit!!

Are you all sick of my food craze this week? Huh? Huh? I know, but it's sort of a blah week, and nothing exciting is happening, and I'm COOKING!!!! Please meet my sous-chef, Mr. Perfectly!! He's chopping my jalapeno peppers for me. Isn't that nice??

Today, I'm making Ham-n-beans, or ham and bean soup......depends on what you want to call it. We probably make a soup version, as it is....well....SOUPY!! Not thick and stew-ish (if ham-n-beans can be stewish). I also make a Tex-Mex corn bread.....I used to think I didn't like it.....because overall I'm not a corn bread fan at all. Just not a corn fan in general, I guess. But over the years, I've decided that this Tex-mex corn bread is really awesome. REALLY awesome!

Oh, we also bought whole chicken's on sale today and are roasting them. For what? I don't know. We use chicken meat for ALOT of we can always use cooked chicken around for those quick meals, or for some of our barbeque chicken nachos!! My in laws gave us a crock pot bbq pit--they didn't enjoy it, and thought we might. We cooked the ham in it the other night and are now trying roast chicken out.

Anyway, we decided to roast these chickens to have on hand.....I buy alot of rotisserie chickens, and they are good!! It's just nice to have stuff on hand.....

So, on with the recipe fest!!


1 lg onion diced
4 ribs celery finely sliced or chopped
4 carrots, finely sliced or chopped
1 smoked ham bone, when carving, plan ahead and leave some meat on the bone!! (no ham bone? buy smoked pork shanks or hocks to flavor broth, then use a small ham steak to add some shredded meat)
2 quarts chicken broth/stock
1 lbs great northern beans or navy beans soaked overnight (or use quick soak method on package)
oil for saute

Saute your chopped veggies in oil til tender. Add broth and bones---simmer for an hour or so. Add beans and cook for an additional couple of hours....viola!! Ham and bean soup!! You may want to take out the big bone and/or hock pieces for serving.

Tex-Mex cornbread

1 beaten egg
1 c yellow self rising corn meal mix (you can use white too)
1 8 oz can creamed corn (I use full can and double recipe)
1/2 c milk
2T melted shortning or oil (I use oil)
1 T sugar (Personally, I omit...I hate sweet cornbread)
4 oz (one cup) shredded sharp cheddar cheese
2T finely chopped jalapeno peppers or other spicy green chili

mix all ingredients and put into a greased 8 in square pan, and bake at 450 degrees for 25 to 30 minutes.

Now tell me.......isn't this just an awesome fall day meal? Yummy!!

Okay, now for the weirdness of my family. You can use a small amount of prepared (or other kinds you like)mustard in your beans for additonal flavor. Mr. Perfectly and Perfectly's dad swear by this.........Me? I don't eat it like that.

toodles for now, kids!!

Monday, November 10, 2008


I consider myself to be a pretty good cook. I use shortcuts, and convenience items at times, but seriously? I prefer homemade.

Except for broths and stocks. I use pre-made stocks and broths for EVERYTHING…..and they are quite good in my humble, home cook opinion. So, for those of you that are chef-ey types, don’t criticize me for my shortcut techniques……

I made my stuffing last night for dinner. Man, was it a carb fest dinner!! A little ham, very little potato (don’t want to overdo on the carbs, now), a serving of rice and a HUGE PLATEFUL of stuffing doused with gravy. The boys wanted CORN of all things…so much for my green veggie…I skipped the corn. Not a huge fan.

I’m a stuffing snob. I like plain old stuffing. No fruit, no organs, no nuts… fancy breads……even cornbread is out in my book. Here is my recipe for plain old fashioned stuffing.

(NOTE: All amounts are guesses….it depends on how much bread one uses……)

3-4 ribs of celery sliced
1 huge onion, diced
1 to 1 and a half sticks of BUTTER (not margarine)
A lot of stale bread ( I used approximately 8 torn up sandwich rolls—toast the bread in the oven if you don’t have the time to let it get hard and stale on it’s own)
1 qt chicken stock or broth
3T poultry seasoning
Salt/pepper to taste

Sauté the celery and onion in the butter til veggies are soft.

Add the chicken broth, salt, pepper and poultry seasoning to the veggies. Let it simmer a few minutes.

Put the toasted bread in a huge bowl, and slowly pour (in several batches is my suggestion) the broth and veggies over the bread. Stir frequently between liquid adding……add enough broth til the bread is equally coated (damp) with the broth. Some pieces WILL get saturated---that’s what happens when dry bread has liquid poured on it, but try to avoid COMPLETELY soggy bread.

Add a beaten egg for stabilization if you want to….I didn’t this time.

Pour mixture into a greased pan (9x13 for what I made) and bake until set and the top is crunchy.

Use your favorite gravy and EAT UP.

Oh, something else I am not fond of? Stuffing inside a bird, or other types of meat. I like my stuffing crunchy on the edges…..not soft and soggy from inside a bird. Besides, I’m poultry paranoid and despite all the proper cooking techniques, I’d rather not stuff up a bird. It sort of grosses me out.

Anyway, we had a spiral ham (pretty hard to stuff that)….and I threw the carb fest in for the rest of the dinner. Yum.

A funny story about stuffing making in my family: My grandma and Great Aunt Jessie would begin saving bread heels and misc. bread for what seemed like a REALLY long time before Thanksgiving and Christmas. They’d toss it into a paper bag in their kitchen and let it sit and dry out. I assume they’d shake the bag up occasionally to allow all bread to get stale instead of moldy……

Anyway, my Great Uncle A.J. one day, came into the kitchen prior to the feast making began and carefully cleaned the stray hair from his comb and threw it into the ‘trash’. Unknowingly, he tossed the clump of hair into the BREAD sack…….I don’t remember the ending of that story….if they picked the hair out (knowing Grandma and Jessie, they probably did), or just bemoaned the loss of the long saved stale bread.

I’m also going to give you all my family’s famous (or infamous) rice casserole recipe too. It’s been in my Paternal family for years. My Maternal family adopted it too, and we never have a holiday or special meal without it.

It sounds simple and unusual (plain)…but don’t knock it……it’s REALLY good.

2 cans of consommé (soup aisle). NOT BEEF BROTH
1 cup long cook rice (no minute rice here, folks)
1 small can of mushrooms (drained)
1/3 stick of butter.

Put all ingredients into a casserole dish (2 qt??) with a tight lid. Bake at 350 for one hour, or a little longer (until liquid is absorbed into the rice). It goes well with all types of meat---turkey, ham, roast beef.

It sounds all homey and soup-ish, but it is actually quite good, and quite easy. Kids LOVE it……..

Well, that’s all the cooking tips I have today. In exchange for my Holiday recipes, please PLEASE, tell me how to make good gravy. I cheated and used a bottled brown gravy last night---which isn’t too bad, but seriously? Using the drippings from meat to make gravy kind of grosses me out, too……… Grandma Winnie made the best gravy EVER….and I know she used drippings, but I didn’t have to see it. I just ate the final result. Anyway, I need good gravy recipes. I suck at gravy making.


Sunday, November 9, 2008

Sam's Club

What variety and how little can a person get for 143.58 at Sam's Club?

2 Fountain Drinks
1 Set of 3 umbrellas
1 bottle of Pre-made Margaritas
1 set of extra large shopping bags
1 spiral cut ham
1 box of potstickers
1 huge bottle of olive oil
1 bottle of wine
1 package of underwear
1 salt grinder
1 pepper grider
1 box of cookies
1 huge (HUGE) bottle of pre-minced garlic
2 lbs pecans
and a bag of pretzel crisps.

I love/hate Sam's club....... I love all their stuff that they have and I hate how much I spend when I go. I love their samples of foods, and hate that I can't buy it all (except for the 'boneless' buffalo wings....yuk)

The shopping bags we bought? They were $2.74 for a set of two, and these are the biggest re-usable shopping bags I've ever seen. It held all of our Sam's club stuff and almost all of our groceries that we bought at Schnucks. Seriously. They are huge.

WE are having ham for dinner. And mashed potatoes and stuffing. Oh, and a rice dish. We're also having some sort of green vegtable to compliment all of the CARBS we will be taking in this evening.

Then on Tuesday (Veterans day!! A day off--woo hoo!!) we'll have Ham-n-Bean soup (with the leftover ham/hambone). Yummy!!

I'm off for now. Gotta start drinking the gallon of Margaritas we bought and making homemade stuffing (or dressing for the sophisticated folk).

Stoogie, as much as I love my own homemade stuffing, I still wish I was in Puerto Rico, on a beach drinking fruity drinks with umbrellas in them.


Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Garage to make an ass of one's self.

So, I call the po-po because my nice neighbor's garage door was open all day. I could have gone and pushed the button, but was afraid of entering someone's property. When I left for work this morning, it was safely shut.

Mr. Perfectly and I pigged out on a Chinese Buffet lunch, and I came home do some stuff. And the fact it's 75, sunny in NOVEMBER made me spring feverish. But thats beside the point.

I got home after stuffing my face with MSG and green find my neighbor happily waving hello from his yardwork (which I NEVER do). I stepped over to talk to him and told him about the garage door. I told him how I didn't want to meddle in people's bidness.....and that I was sorry if the call caused him any issues. He seemed surprised, and we exchanged numbers in case something like that would happen we chitchatted, and I told him REPEATEDLY that I am not a nosy neighbor we got on the topic of our VERY nosy old man neighbor. is the norm I couldn't keep my mouth from running.

I didn't say anything bad, really...just that the old guy gets annoying and I dont' like it when he corners my kids and gripes to them about life in general. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. Oh, I certainly don't want to be be thought of as nosy.....blah blah blah.

I think the guy thought I was a nut job. And too late!! HE'D ALREADY GIVEN ME HIS NUMBER. whoopsie!!

I asked him personal questions....well, not like PERSONAL PERSONAL, but stuff like "are you going to move in or are you just flipping the place?" it's any of my business!!!! What I was trying to find out is in the future, if there are house issues again, will he even be AROUND......not that I care if he lives there or not.

Hopefully he could see my earnest face, and knew I was just making nervous chatter. Crap. Another possible friend down the tubes.

So, now I'll have to be on my best behavior and not run outside in my nightshirt after the dogs, or scream at the television with the windows open, or yell at my kids from a few feet away to STOP TEXTING ME FROM THE SAME DAMN HOUSE........I'll have to live a proper, quiet life for a while in hopes that the poor dude doesn't think he's next door to the 'REAL' nosy neighbor.

The odd thing is that after our dialogue of the nosy old man, he mentioned that the guy had already been up there telling him about the garage door!! WTF?? He acted all surprised and whatnot when I was telling my story..........maybe he was just being polite and didn't want me to know that Nosy man had been up there probably talking about ME? I don't always makes me suspicious when people that already know something, don't just come right out and say so.......they have a whole conversation with you...about something they already knew. It's weird.

But I have to say as I was turning into my cracked up driveway, I did sing "nah nah nah nah nah' to the McCain/Palin signs still in peoples yards. Not this guy's yard, mind you...I'd have left his door UP for that infraction........hahahahaha...just joking.....sort of.

So, Mr. Neighbor........I'm sorry for coming across as a whacko crackpot with a never ending spew of words coming forth from my pie hole. I promise, I really am nice, and I do try to be cute and PULLEEEZZEE give me another chance and dont' change your phone numbers!!!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


I ran late this morning, so I had to go after work. I made it to my polling place at about 3:45 pm, and I was voter # 1096 at that location. Is this good? Is it a higher turnout? Mr. Perfectly was on time, and went before 7 am this morning and was in the 160's.

Work was tough today. I don't discuss politics at work. Except with Jakki. As it turns out we lean the same direction, but with her (as it should be with a BFF), I'm allowed to have my OWN opinion without ruffling her feathers. We whisper our thoughts, because we work for a Republican administration, and regardless, it just isn't good to try to talk with every one because not everyone is open to others having a differing or contradicting opinion. Working for State Government and talking politics just doesn't make for good bed fellows. Even if the party I agree with is in office (which it isn't currently).

The ignorance seemed to be running rampant today. I heard MORE THAN ONCE today that Sarah Palin is 'really skinny' and that her thighs 'are about THIS big (makes circle with fingers)'. As if thigh size makes for a good do you TELL people that appearance isn't what matters? It was distressing.

There were lots of proud 'I VOTED' stickers being displayed, and lots of bemoaning the lack of ability to vote a straight party ticket. **sigh* Also lots of discussion about how different people would be ABLE to mark those republican canididates with no problem.

Oh well, enough kvetching. I am PROUD to live in a country where people are ALLOWED to have an opinion, and ALLOWED to have a choice. That should be the resounding sound....not bitching over people's failure to pay attention.

Our neighbor seems to have left his garage door open. Wide open. He just moved in maybe 6 weeks ago, and although he's quite nice, I don't know his name. He also doesn't seem to stay there often....I don't know if he travels alot or if he is just flipping the house. I am not one to get all up into people's kool aid without knowing the flavor (just for you, Jak), so I was in a connundrum as to what to do.

I finally called the police....told them that they guy didn't appear to be home, that his garage was wide open, and what does one do? The lady on the phone just said she'd send someone out. I mean, it has an opener, I COULD go shut it, but what if he wants it open and I've invaded his space? It's just sort of weird.......and I'm reminded of the CB's of the 70's......will some electronic device raise a garage door? Maybe he DID shut it!!

I will be on pins and needles tonight, Internet. The DEMS MUST pull this one out.......

Toodles for now.

Monday, November 3, 2008


I had a really scary dream. My Ghost Hunters obsession sometimes makes me wonder if I am inviting spirits into my life, you know? I really don’t believe in that stuff, but still, sometimes I wonder.

Like the time I’d watched Ghost Hunters and I dreamed that my BFF Teenie and one of the gay guys from one of the Big Brother shows were demons in my car baring their teeth at me. I stopped Ghost Hunters COLD TURKEY for several weeks after that crazy dream.

Well, yesterday, I watched the last half of Paranormal State. I don’t enjoy this show. There’s a lot of religion, cross kissing, and refusal to mention some name of some demon for fear we’ll all have it invade us…….but I was bored, and the title of the show sounded interesting, and I was tired of watching years old re-runs of Cold Case files. I turned it and it was some 26 year old girl that was (sigh) possessed and needed an exorcism (or deliverance, as the Paranormal State people called it). There was a Priest, and again, lots of cross kissing, and holy water and demon removal. It was all a bit silly, and I caught myself rolling my eyes at the tee-vee---even though I was all by myself at my house.

Well, people, the time change screws with my brain, so I went to bed at 8 pm (even though it was really 9 pm before daylight savings time ended). I was embarrassed by going to bed so early, so I turned on Iron Chef in the bedroom, and promptly fell asleep….before I could see what fascinating things they did with ham.

Well, let me tell you what. I dreamed I was DEAD and trying to get into peoples bodies so I could LIVE still. I was so scared of being dead and of taking people over and what not, that I woke up with a START to hear Mr. Perfectly coming down the hall. I figured he was turning off lights to come to bed, but as I called out to him to tell him I was terrified by this dream that I couldn’t really remember or understand he was by the bed asking if I was okay……apparently I’d been screaming in my sleep. He was coming to CHECK ON ME (isn’t he sweet). People, I’ve talked in my sleep, and even WALKED in my sleep, but I don’t think I’d ever screamed out loud in my sleep.

So, do I give up drunken Ghost Hunters Wednesdays? Or was it a stupid fluke…or was it the demons coming to get me for rolling my eyes at them during Paranormal State?

Oh, another thing that may have contributed to my nocturnal screaming? Yeah….Sarah Palin is coming to my city. Today. At noon. She’ll be a block (or less) away from my office. NOW, THAT IS WHAT I CALL SCARY, PEOPLE!!! Mr. Perfectly is there right now…..4 and a half hours early to get photos. I guess Hank Williams, Jr. is slated to perform too. **sigh**

Mr. P loves the campaign trail when all the candidates come to our city (or close to it). He loves the photo ops. He visited Joe Biden in Columbia, Mo shortly after he was chosen as the Democratic VP pick…..he made quite the embarrassing gaffe (Biden, not Mr. P). Apparently, as he was enthusiastically introducing prominent Democratic political figures at the beginning of his speech (duh, we live in the Capital of Missouri….there’s lots of political types to be had around here), Biden was calling out his Democratic ‘buddies’ and asking each of them to stand, when he called on one well known local politician…..he yelled “come on *&$@! STAND UP!!”…Well, this particular senator is confined to a wheelchair. WHOOPSIE!! Despite my political preferences, I must say that this embarrassed me….come on folks…..get with the PROGRAM and at least have your aides give you the rundown on the local important people!!

But anyway, I really have been stressed at her visit today. She’s not exactly my kind of gal (sorry…I try to be PC, because I am a state Government employee), but I’d really prefer not to have the town all in an uproar over this. Sigh.

Let’s just vote and get on with it and let her leave the spotlight for GOOD is what I say. (shhhhh..I’m not supposed to voice an opinon publicly!!)

I fixed my hair differently today…..I left it curly (as usual), but straightened my bangs and pushed them over to the left (see, even my BANGS get it right)………I’m trying so hard to get away from my 80’s curled ‘roll’ of bangs on my forehead. I have no talent at all in hair styling, so I never know what to do. I bought a flat iron over the weekend and am experimenting.

Well, I need to stop blogging and start working……’s kind of the rule when one is employed, you know?

See you all later!!!

Saturday, November 1, 2008


I've never had jello shots. I'm too old to have been part of the 'club scene'...back in my bar days, beer was about all people drank. Except me. I don't like beer.

I've never had anyone slurp anything out of my belly button.......and I've never danced on top of a bar/table/or any other off the ground object. I've also never rolled around in a pool of jello.

Teenie and I made probably 125 to 150 jello shots last night. There would have been more, but apparently my inexperience with the whole jello shot thing made me fill some of the cups too full. We made the following combinations:

Melon Jello/Watermelon Rum
Melon Jello/Midori
Lemon Jello/plain vodka
Pineapple jello/2/3 plain vodka & 1/3 blue curaco
Tropical punch jello/plain vodka
orange jello/peach schnapps

I sipped each concoction while still hot and my favorite was the pineapple. Believe it or not, my second favorite (which I would NEVER have guessed) was the punch. I'm not much of a red jello/kool aid type of person. Strawberry is OKAY, but not great. Cherry----mmmmm, not so much. My third favorite was the lemon jello with the vodka and curaco. I expected the orange/peach and the melons to be my favorites. I was surprised. I'm anxious to try them when they've set and are cold.

I read on the internet that even experienced drinkers (ahem......not me) even have trouble with jello shots because one doesn't know how much liquor is ingested since it is yummy and jello-ish. WE are also bringing wine.

OHHHHHH!!!! What did we make jello shots FOR? We are going to a BYOB school fundraiser for Teenie's son---a project graduation TRIVIA NIGHT. Teenie's sister, Marie, is coming down and either Mr. Perfectly OR Perfectly's dad will be joining us. This is a big deal since neither of the influential males in my life are social butterflies. They were supposed to BOTH come, but due to a miscalculation on table space, only one will join us. I don't care who, as long as there is a sober person to take me home.

Teenie was responsible originally for selling 20 slots---THAT'S ALOT OF PEOPLE....but her ex husband took over selling one table of 10 and Teenie sold one table of 10, so there will be 20 of us at two tables vying for a trivia WIN.

I love Teenie's sister, too. It's always a BLAST when we are all together. I'm so excited!!

Well, I'm off to find an inflatable monkey and see if Wal Mart has any 1/2 price Halloween crap left. Like the hot dog costume for my weiner dog!

Stoogie, I (or Mr. P) will be taking the awesomely cool new camera to the event this evening, so there (hopefully) will be photos to share.

By for now my sticky, jello friends!!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Dancing with the Perfectly's


Mr. Perfectly won Stoogie's NUDE MILF contest. No, I'm not the MILF, Crissy is.....but Mr. Perfectly won!!!

I am so excited. He won PHOTOSHOP! I can be SKINNY and PERKY again!! Or Vixen like......or WHATEVER I WANT TO BE!!

I've taken Crissy's thought about being fair into a great deal of consideration. Mr. Perfectly may not be ready to wow you all with his NEKKIDNESS yet. He called me as he was leaving work, though, and said he was walking to his car naked to see how it felt.

Crissy and Stoogie apparently had some legendary phone sex (sorry mom.....don't read this one) during or after choosing Mr. Perfectly and Melissa Lion (she won the camcorder for Pimping Stoogie's contest) as winners.

I'm not sure how phone sex works.....can someone explain? I mean "what are you wearing" or "Are your toenails painted?" just somehow doesn't replace the whole person to person FEEL of stuff, you know? I mean what does the GIRL say? "What's Mr. Wiggly doing now???" I'm a bit confused. The whole sex movie, toy, product industry sort of leaves me befuddled.

One time, many years ago Jakki and another friend of ours, and I went to an 'adult' shop. Our friend was standing there stroking this pretty pretty hair thing....we wondered what it was....our friend wondered out loud if maybe it was a (*whisper*) WHIP? It was a buttplug, with a horsey tail. Now seriously. This thing was really big......what is the POINT? I didn't think the goal was to get things all stretchy.......AND what in the world would be appealing about an individual, with a horsey tail IN THEIR BUTT?

See, one time, I had a hemorrhoid removed. It was the most humiliating experience of my entire life. Really. And I've had my fair share. I'll share with you so grab a glass of wine, and know that this honest to god a TRUE story.......

It started innocently enough......I was in the surgeon's office and a nice nurse asked me about the book I was reading. We had a nice discussion about the book. I even thought about coming back to lend it to her after I was through.......then another nurse comes in and starts preparing a few items.

THEN THE DOCTOR COMES IN. I was still dressed, holding my purse and book. He instructed me to 'drop my pants'. Uh--huh!! In front of everyone. I set my purse and book on the exam table, and very reluctantly dropped my jeans. He THEN instructed me to kneel (pants around my ankles) with my KNEES on the footrest of the exam table, and lean my BODY over the end of the exam table. (I'll wait a sec to let you get a visual on that).

Stupid me DID IT. Two nurses and one doctor certainly got to regale THEIR families with a story that night over dinner!!

Oh, it gets worse, Internet. It gets worse. The nice book nurse comes to me and takes TAPE......TTTAAAPPPPPEEE and sticks it onto my ASS. Tape on my ass. She pulls a long piece of it away from the roll and sticks the OTHER end of the tape to my hip. She does the same thing with the other ass cheek. SHE WAS TAPING MY ASS APART...........HEAR THAT PEOPLE? TAPING MY ASS APART!!!!!! WITH ME DRAPED OVER AN EXAM TABLE...ON MY KNEES!!

As I sat there, with my ass taped apart, and my swollen sphincter for all to see, the Doctor froze the hemorrhoid with that liquid nitrogen stuff and proceeded give me a shot in the frozen hemorrhoid, which hurt like HELL----then cut it off.

He then placed a small cigar shaped piece of cotton up into my butthole, untaped my ass, and let me pull my pants up.

I barely got out of there before I burst into tears. I was mortified, and totally devastated.

I got home and that damn piece of cotton was the worst thing about the recovery part of the situation. I then had to call the damn doctor back to ask if I could take the little plug out so I could SLEEP. I've never had anything so uncomfortable in my life as that little piece of cotton.

So, why in the WORLD would someone want a plastic plug that is larger than a FIST with hair dangling from it in their rear? WHY?

Needless to say, I didn't loan that stupid nurse my book.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

All a Twitter

I want to sign up for Twitter. I am scared, though, because what if people don't follow me? What if I get fired for twitting all day long? What the hell IS twitter?

I've been showing Son #1's photos around looking for praise and acceptence--like I created him from bronze or something. Sheesh......a little egg here, some schmutz there......and we got HIM. Oh, we got another one, too--How did we MAKE these guys?

I was annoyed at work yesterday when showing off my husbands photography, and my son's looks. The stuffy set at work were all "is that a REAL tattoo, or just a temporary one?" looking down their nose at me......and "oh, I didn't know he had an EARRING". I said "he doesn't....he's got two". Again, the looking down the nose at me. Or when trying to explain to the conservative, midwestern prom queen moms et. al., why we chose the settings we did (sorry, Mr. Perfectly, that YOU did)...they sighed and said "well, my daughters would probably like this, but it just isn't what I would have chosen" Oh, and the yellow tennis shoes. Nobody looked at the lighting, the colors in the pictures the HDR (or whatever) effects, the TIME AND EFFORT IT TOOK for Mr. Perfectly to take the pictures or the handsomeness of the son.....NO....they NOTICED THE YELLOW SHOES.

I am not artsy. I wish I was (were?). I don't even always 'GET' art, either. But I know what I like and I prefer modern, stark, colorful, etc. Here is some art I'd like to paper my house in. Ser--iou---sly.

I get all excited over books (Melissa Lion is the latest obsession). In a roundabout weird way, I sort of, kind of KNOW least know her comments on blogs.

I am very PROUD of my husband and his photography. He has taught himself everything he knows, and he does a pretty good JOB!

So, today, I showed the picture book to another co-worker. She made ALL the appropriate noises, and comments. She complimented the photographer and subject. Whew. I was worried. Apparently it wasn't Mr. Perfectly's photography or son #1, it is just people who don't/can't appreciate something other than formal drapes and studio portraits.

I somehow was not paying attention (as is the norm) when the creative genes were handed out. I can't even draw a stick figure. Really. I don't 'decorate' my house. Some of Mr. P's photos are on the wall, and we have mismatched furniture and Dogs (oh, and Joe Kitty). That's it. My one foray into decorating was our kitchen many years ago. Yeah. Rule number one: if you don't plan on RE-DECORATING in the next decade, then don't go with 'trendy' or what's 'in' at the moment. Because later in life you may come to regret the very dark hunter green on the walls, and the white cabinets, with the burgundy laminate counter tops. Yes you may. And you may also regret the matchy-matchy burgundy and white linoleum.

I tend to want to match with my clothing too. I'm afraid to mix patterns and colors. If I can't put an item WITH something else I have or am buying, I generally don't buy it. I can't go into the depths of my closet and find random things and just put an outfit together--that looks really cool AND put together. Yikes.

On the other hand, Mr. Perfectly can draw, he can take pictures, and he throws on a t-shirt and some surfer-dude shorts, and a backwards hat, and he looks trendy and relaxed.

So, how did we get from Twitter to creativity? I have no clue. I don't have either, so maybe I'd better get on the bandwagon and try the twit craze (or is it tweet?), since I obviously can't draw, paint or photograph. Or sing. Or dance. Or write.

Hey, I'm good at watching TV and reading blogs!! That should say something!!

I'm off for now!! 10-4!

Monday, October 27, 2008

Senior Moments

Well, it appears that Dex's worm and/or intestinal condition is improving. His doodie is firm and we haven't seen any blood. He has twice the energy he had when we got him, and he's FUNNY. I mean he was funny before, too, but he slept alot. He still sleeps alot, but at least now, between long cozy naps, he races through the house, plays with Copper, chews rawhides, and runs from us when he's got something he wants that he shouldn't have. Like socks. And cords. And Kleenex.

He hasn't had any accidents in the house since my last report. I think he may be smart. He seems to be potty training (other people I know act like potty training is so hard.......), he knows 'inside' and 'outside' he knows his name, oh and he responds well to 'GOOOOOODDDD BBBOOOYYYYY'. He knows 'NO', and he very much likes to sleep on down blankets and in our bed with us. He sleeps in his cage at night with little whining, and he's SO FREAKING CUTE, it's unbelieveable.

Mr. P went to take some photos of son #1 yesterday. Mr. P is acting as a photographer for his Senior pictures. Son #1 isn't as co-operative as I'd like. I had an absolute meltdown because when I told Son #1 that I wanted him clean shaven in the photos and he flat out refused. He didn't want to go take pictures, he didn't want to shave and I went nuts. He, of course, thinks I'm nuts. He said it should be HIS choice since they were 'his' pictures. You all know Senior pictures are as much for the family as they are for the kid. No matter what I said, he totally refused to shave and practically refused to go take pictures. Arrgh. Sometimes I feel like I suck at parenting, and sometimes I feel like I get shat upon on a regular basis.

Anyway, he got lots of pictures of Son #1, unshaven. The photos are pretty good after all, but I would still enjoy them more if he were clean shaven. He said he'll take more later on and shave. We'll see how that turns out.

Okay, we picked up the photos of Son #1 and they turned out pretty good. We have (well, I have) a very specific taste regarding the 'look' of pictures. I prefer so called 'urban' backgrounds....a modern, sort of stark look. I also kind of like the railroad track look.......unfortunately, many of the pictures were taken too far away to really be used as portraits, but it was a good practice session, and there are two specifically that turned out awesome........and several more that are good. We picked about 40 examples to print out to show him what we were going for.......and hope he likes the basic result and will 'allow' Mr. Perfectly to do this again having learned from his 'mistakes' if you will. Not that he made 'mistakes', but he isn't a portrait photographer. He has never enjoyed the portrait side of things.......although I'd be willing to bet that at least some of Son #1's friends will want similiar photos of them taken. He may get into the portrait business after all.

See? Mr. P did a pretty good job, huh? Let me know what YOU I said before, alot are too far away to be 'portraits' but this gives you a sense of what he was 'going' for. I am anxious to hear if we are on the right track!!

Toodles....Happy Monday!!