Friday, February 27, 2009


Yes, Drama. Literally. Son #1 was getting a C- in drama. **Sigh**. Yesterday his teacher graded an in-class Duet Acting project, which increased his grade to a B-…which is GREAT PROGRESS.

She also informed me that he has a test today on the history of the Theatre. He promised me last night that he’d study his book. Of course, he didn’t. I got up and found his book bag untouched from the night before and went all ‘Momma’ on him.

I got him up at 6 am to study for this exam. He was really mad at me. He tried the old ‘You can’t make me study.” And “you can’t tell me how to study”, and I succinctly (well, not really----brevity is not in my nature) told him that in a nutshell if he wished to partake in social activities this weekend, he WOULD study---and take advantage of the early morning quiet time. He of course balked. I went back into his room 10 minutes later and he ‘claimed’ he’d read the chapter, and was all snuggled back under the comforter….I suggested if he wished my continued financial support as well, he’d GET HISASS OUT OF BED AND STUDY FOR THIS TEST.

I also told him to follow up on two job leads IN PERSON today. He hemmed and hawed, and again……if he wished to have a freaking SOCIAL LIFE this weekend, he’d DO AS I SAID, AND IN THE MANNER I WAS TELLING HIM TO DO IT. Face to face. MAKING AN EFFORT.

Sheesh. I know the term “Helicopter parenting” is a nasty nasty word, but good grief. He’s got only 9 or 10 more weeks of school. He certainly can get his butt in gear for that short period in his life to improve his grades, get tuition money from the A+ program, and find a part time JOB!!

******RANT OVER********

In better news, today is FRIDAY. My favorite day of the week. Except for Friday Mornings. I don’t enjoy Friday Mornings. I have all day to wish away, so Friday AFTERNOON can be here and I can go home…..

I saw a commercial for “Artichoke Annie’s” antique shop in Fulton, Missouri (Winston Churchill…..Iron Curtain speech……anyone….???? Anyone????). I’m a whore for ceramic, and glass kitchen stuff. Red glass, and green glass especially. Pyrex oven ware, etc. I just LOVE that crap. Oh, yeah, PLATTERS….BRIGHTLY COLORED PLATTERS, TOO!!!! Well, this commercial had a whole AREA with that kind of stuff displayed….turquoise Pyrex… Pyrex……we are SO GOING there this weekend. Fulton is only 30 miles from here, and we’ve never, EVER gone to the Winston Churchill museums or Memorials………..what a shame. We ate at Bek’s once in Fulton, and it was quite good. Maybe we’ll make a partial day of it, and see all the sights, the antique shop and Bek’s again. Yum.

Wait, I just Googled Artichoke Annies, and maybe it’s in Columbia, Mo. Crap…I need to see that commercial again!

Regardless, we will be going to Fulton. My husband wants to see historic sites for photographs.

I absolutely love the month of February. We have 3 paid holidays, it’s my BIRTHDAY, and it’s a short month, so paydays are CLOSER!! Who could ask for more???

Oh, we found a boo-boo. Well, Mr. Perfectly didn’t call it a boo-boo, he called it a near deal breaker. Apparently Dex has been chewing the corner of our couch. Not underneath something, but on the BACK OF THE COUCH…like where people sit. The fabric and padding is all torn up. Anyone have any experience on how do deal with THAT?

Have a Happy Friday, everyone!!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

What makes a good parent?

Some things have been bothering me lately. Some of my friends and co-workers have really great, AWESOME kids. Kids getting exceptionally high grades, they talk to their parents and are getting scholarships. One in particular is doing exceptionally well. I know for a fact that it's not parental's genuine........but with SOME parents...To hear tell, these kids are nearly perfect. So, what’s wrong with mine? Son #1 says he doesn’t drink or smoke pot. He’s not gotten caught by me or the authorities (that I know of). He says many of his friends do, but he is choosing not to. I worry that he’s telling me this because I’m his mom and it’s what I WANT to hear.

His grades are just so-so. A’s, B’s and C’s. But in order to get into the A+ program, to have Missouri pay for his tuition at a community college for 2 years he needs ALL A’S. With a possible B+ here and there. POSSIBLE. He seems unmotivated to excel, and all he wants to do is hang out with his friends. Listen to abhorrent music, and stay as far from us as humanly possible.

I talk to my kids about drugs/alcohol, and the dangers. I talk to my kids about sex and being respectful and abstinence. I ALSO provide my kids with an out…….with a ride home should a poor decision be made and providing birth control should they need it. I can’t say that by offering a ride if they’ve been drinking or to make a drugstore run for them means that I CONDONE their behavior, but if they make poor choices, they need to be as safe as possible while making those bad choices…you know?

I suspect that maybe there is some alcohol and minor marijuana use. I don’t know for certain, though. I do not feel like it’s over the top….addictive or anything but experimental. But according to Dr. Phil, there IS no such thing as teenage experimentation with drugs and alcohol….that if you kid is using either, to get them into treatment. This confuses me. I TRIED STUFF in high school and am now a reasonable adult…..that is not addicted to any substance (except maybe food).

So….how are other people’s kids perfect and mine not? Is it because we don’t attend a church? Or is the real, UGLY truth that I am honest about my kids and my concerns for them and my ferocious love and protective nature of them, and others aren’t as honest? That ‘putting on airs’ is more important than acknowledging that a kid may not be PERFECT?

I worry, Internet. I worry that maybe I’m a bad mom. That somehow I’ve failed my kids.

Now, back to son #1. What does he do that is successful? Until Scholastic laid part time employees off, he was employed continuously since he was 15. He tells me he loves me every day (multiple times). He tells me where he’s going and who he’s with. He calls me to keep in touch when he’s out (not as often as I’d like, but he does do it). He’s been pretty forthcoming about events and places he goes, and what occurs at them…..all the while claiming he isn’t participating. He’s currently looking for a job. He does do a few chores if berated enough, and he doesn’t skip school.

So, what makes a good mom? Does offering a ‘pass’ to pick up your child if they’ve been drinking make me a bad mom? Or does it make me a realistic mom? Does offering to purchase condoms for them mean I’m promoting sexual activity? Or does it mean I understand the workings of a teenage mind?

They’ve never taken me up on either offer. Although, I do see condoms in my older son’s possession…he’s not afraid to buy them himself…….which bugs me some, but also makes me re-assured that MAYBE some of what I lecture him about gets through to him.

I just don’t know. I don’t have a God-fearing, 4.0 son. I have a handsome, funny, loving (some of the time), socially active boy.

Toodles for now.

Happy Thursday.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Ashes, Ashes we ALL fall down!!!!

Yes, it’s Ash Wednesday. I’m not Catholic, so I’m not sure what that represents. The beginning of Lent maybe? I’m really not any religion, hence my ignorance about anything God/Jesus/Mary-related. I know, I know… I could read up on it, or study things to learn, but WHY? Why, when there’s QVC and American Idol to watch?

It just brings up a funny story, is all. It’s about Jakki, who is WORLD RENOWNED for the awkward situations she puts herself in.

Many moons ago, Ms. Jakki encountered one of our beloved co-workers in the common space where we work. Being the good friend that she is, she discreetly proceeded to tell our friend that she ‘had something on her forehead’ and tried to wipe it off for this gal. Jakki was met with a near VIOLENT reaction to her good intentions. Unbeknownst to Jakki, it was Ash Wednesday. Each year our friend always reminds Jakki that it’s Ash Wednesday, so Jakki doesn’t try to wipe her forehead off.

Why is it when re-telling other people’s stories, they don’t sound NEARLY as funny as when they happened? Huh? This was a post all set to send you into fits of coffee-out-of-the-nose laughter. When I read over that paragraph, it doesn’t look nearly as funny on paper.

Yesterday, I watched on of our Facilities Management employees take an empty (I hope) soda can and put water in it from a water fountain, then drink it. This made me realize I have some really strange hang ups. Like this. I don’t like to drink things out of a different container than it’s supposed to be in. First of all, I don’t do water fountains. You never know who may have tongued the spigot. But I also couldn’t use a soda can to drink water from. That’s not what belongs in that container. I’d never re-use a cup from a fast food place by putting OTHER drinks in it----like milk in an empty (even clean) slushie cup. It just doesn’t BELONG there…you know?

I don’t like events to occur at places they shouldn’t. Like teeth brushing. This is an activity that needs to happen in the BATHROOM. Not walking through the house, or especially in the kitchen. DO NOT spit in my kitchen sink.

Oh….don’t dump kitchen waste in the bathroom either. Especially the toilet. WHY????? We have a garbage disposal that works, DON’T DUMP STUFF IN THE BATHROOM!! I know, those of you with dishwashers can’t FATHOM why this may be necessary, but if you have a sink full of soapy water, and dishes, and a clean sink next to it filled with dishes to be rinsed, then run across a glass of gross stuff, or a bowl that didn’t get scraped out and rinsed….what do you DO? You wait until the clean dishes are rinsed, dump the offending matter, re-scour the clean sink and proceed onward. YOU DO NOT flush it down the toilet!

Don’t floss at work. Now I keep a box of floss in my desk for emergency situations… popcorn getting stuck or something. But the flossing is limited to correct an issue, and done discreetly. Yesterday, I saw a guy at his desk with his arms bent , elbows sticking straight out, mouth WIDE open with the floss just a goin’. While I respect good oral hygiene, DUDE……floss at home….or in the bathroom……but not where I can SEE YOU.

Don’t hock up loogies at work, either. I am a girl with allergies like you wouldn’t believe, and I produce an enormous amount of ‘drainage’. I’m sure I gross out my co-workers every half second with my nose blowing. BUT there’s a fine line in a sneeze, and a blow and a full-on loogie producing show. C’mon!! Mostly it’s men that do this……..but there’s an occasional lady who hocks one up now and then, and it’ NASTY!! Oh, and why is it that men (I’ve yet to see a girl do this) find the need to SPIT a huge wad of whatever the MOMENT they walk out of a door? Our main entrances, ALL THE WAY to our parking lot is LITTERED with spit wads. WHY?

Well, that’s about all I’ve got today. Remember, don’t let anyone wipe that smear off of your forehead today-----

Toodles for now!!

Monday, February 23, 2009

The sure way of getting nothing from something

(Wilson Mizner)

We went to the ISLE OF CAPRI casino in Boonville, Mo on Saturday. Man, oh man, I can see how people spend every dime they have. I used to think that the nickel or penny slots are just as satisfying to my desire to gamble as the quarter and dollar slots. WELL, I WAS WRONG. You can’t win much in the nickel and penny slots. I wanted to win BIG. You’ve gotta PLAY to win….

This whole play to win concept is something that Mr. Perfectly and I disagree about. He feels like if you never play, you never lose…..Personally, I’m like a raccoon……all the bright lights……the shiny displays!! I’m sucked right in!!

I wandered around from machine to machine (I am a slot machine girl). I found a few that were sort of fun…some that were confusing, and some that I didn’t like. I blew like $35 (Mr. P was doling out $5 at a time to me). I finally found a machine that seemed fun. It was a penny machine that you could bet LOTS of lines for LOT of pennies. My $5 was blown like in 3 minutes. Mr. P just wanted me to bet a penny at a time, but if you did that you couldn’t play the BONUS slot……I wanted the BONUS slot. The machine made extra BOOMING and BING BING noises if you played the BONUS SLOT. But it took like $1.50 or something to play that one. He wanted me to be content betting a penny at a time, but I wanted to WIN…….WIN BIG!!! Sadly, I took $40 of the $50 we allowed ourselves to take in and BLEW IT ALL……in slots. I would take any of his OR my winnings and blow those too. I won like $12.50 on one spin at a quarter slot……..Perfectly’s dad suggested I cash out and take the money, but I WANTED MORE…….MORE MONEY. I lost my $5 I put into the machine PLUS any winnings…….BUT IT WAS SO FUN. So, Mr. P kept me contained to losing only $40…but if I’d have had my way with the last penny machine with the BONUS SLOT, then certainly I may have won. But we’ll never know, now will we. THEY MADE ME LEAVE!!!!! So, the next loser that sat down at my bright lights machine may have one the BIG jackpot of $5500 or whatever. IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MINE……ALL MINE!!!

There’s a very sorry side to casino life. Many of the individuals that were there looked like they shouldn’t have walked INTO a joint like that. Some lady was being wheeled in with her OXYGEN hooked up…… oh man……maybe if you are on oxygen, and in a wheelchair a SMOKY CASINO isn’t the place for you?

There are many MANY appearances of those that are very poor sitting at those slots. I bet they don’t have a Mr. Perfectly to keep them in check, and they spend all their rent and formula money (they certainly don’t spend the cigarette money, though…..whew!!!! I think it’s a rule that you must smoke if you enter a casino). It’s really sad, in a way. I may get sucked into the bright lights, but I also go in realistically knowing that what I feed the machine, I won’t get back.

The bathrooms had a little door marked ‘SHARPS DISPOSAL’. C’mon!! SHARPS? Is this a convenience for the IV drug user? Or the Diabetic? Either way, maybe they shouldn’t be in a casino!!

We went to the surf-n-turf buffet for dinner. $17.99 for all-you-can-eat. This place was jam PACKED with people (including me) who loaded up their plates with enormous amounts of SNOW CRAB LEGS. I personally balanced 3 bunches of them on my plate along with 3 fried shrimp and a small spoonful of tortellini to try. I had my drawn butter READY for dipping. They put the butter in a coffee pot with a spigot and you dispense little cups of melted butter for the crab.

Crab legs cause me to panic a little. They are messy and how does one eat them? Crack them all and get the meat from all of them and THEN eat or crack and eat as you go?

I went for the all out cracking before eating. My family said I looked ‘FRANTIC’ as I was cracking and chucking the leg shells. They said I was flinging juice and little crab pieces everywhere. Heather, my beautiful niece, was laughing so hard at my work that she was tearing up!! She said I even flung some tortellini sauce at her. Mr. P said he wished that he’d brought his little camera (that he won from STOOGIE’S contest) so he could video me for you guys. Alas, he didn’t though. Apparently I made quite a site. I do stick my tongue out a lot when I’m concentrating. I put it in the corner of my mouth. They said I was all squinty, and making faces, too.

I don’t know what in the world they are talking about. I was just a girl, trying to clean her crab shells so she could eat her crab all at one time. OH….I also found it was easier to pour the melted butter over the pile of crab, rather than try to dip each little miniscule piece. It was a HUGE success as far as I was concerned. I provided great entertainment for my family, and had 3 bunches of crab legs for myself. I would have eaten more, but didn’t dare for fear my family would disown me.

Casinos put me into quite a tailspin, though. It’s amazing that I can make it. I have a friend, that shall remain unnamed, that works in that industry. The STORIES I hear….like people wearing adult diapers so they can stay at their machine….the people who urinate and defecate on themselves when NOT wearing adult diapers so they don’t have to leave their machine. People who vomit on the floor so they don’t lose their machine. It’s just disgusting. I’d catch glimpses of smeared, greasy chrome on the machines, and I’d have to FORCE myself to not think about who touched it before me….etc. It’s got to be a germy breeding ground. Blech.

Buffet’s are the same way. I like to eat at them, but I cannot STAND to use the common utensils to serve up my food. Who touched it before me? PEOPLE WHO HAD THEIR HANDS ON THE NASTY SLOT MACHINES is who. It’s gross and nasty…. all the unwashed masses had their grimy hands all over the tongs to get crab legs. INCLUDING ME!! Luckily for me they have the wet wipey things at the tables for use after we spray our eating area with crab juice, so I placated myself by using those before eating. Hoping that the alcohol content in the wet wipe would at least kill off SOME of the nasty that I’d exposed myself to at the machines and getting my dinner. It’s just too gross to even think about….so I try not to….otherwise, I’d not eat ANYTHING at the $17.99 buffet.

Oh, and another thing. I was trying to save my $5 allowances by not getting any drinks!! The cocktail waitresses would come around hollering “cockTAILS, soda POP” and I’d let them pass, despite the fact a mai tai or other fruity imbibement would have been LOVELY. As they dragged my sorry butt from the casino, while I was begging to” PLAY JUST 5 MORE DOLLARS”, I asked them to stop at a store to grab a soda…that I was THIRSTY. My dad asked why I hadn’t taken a free soda. I looked back into the brightly lit casino asking “where are the free sodas?”. They pointed out to me that while you are gambling that one DOESN’T HAVE TO PAY FOR DRINKS…..THEY ARE FREE…… Now, internet, how many mai tai’s could I have consumed while frittering away my $5 gambling sprees? Huh? I may have bet more penny bets………..IF I HAD ONLY UNDERSTOOD THE RULES……but NOBODY TOLD ME!!

I left the casino drenched in crab juice and $40 poorer than when I arrived. AT LEAST I COULD HAVE LEFT DRUNK!!! And it wouldn’t have cost any more than what I already spent.

Now that I know this, Mr. P is going to have to endure another trek into the casino underbelly for me to play my BONUS SLOT machine and get me some free booze!!!

Who wants to come with us?

Thursday, February 19, 2009

And we’re back to food.

I am on my break, eating my strange, but tasty combo of Funyuns and V-8 juice. The salty, oniony funyuns pair quite well with the rich tomato vegetable-ness of the juice. The fact that one is healthy and one is not is BESIDE THE POINT.

I made Shrimp and Grits last night. I was pretty impressed, folks. My only complaint (as if this is really a COMPLAINT) is that the grits were too rich. TOO RICH? How can they be TOO rich? Well, they are made with HEAVY CREAM and milk. 3 CUPS OF CREAM. And Butter. And I chose to add about ¾ cup of Parmesan cheese. THAT’S how grits become too rich. I couldn’t BEAR the thought of that much cream in the grits, so I cut it down with chicken broth, and it was STILL to heavy. Wow. I can’t imagine 3 whole cups of cream and 3 whole cups of milk. I used 2 cups of cream, 2 cups of 2% milk (I normally buy skim) and 2 cups of chicken broth.

I swear, Internet, it was like the grits were almost like CHEESE in the bottom of the bowl. Topped with luscious shrimp and Andouille sausage. This is not a dish for the light hearted or fat haters in the world (ahem, MelissaLion).

Now, I LOVE grits. But I make the instant grits and use tons of butter and salt/pepper once they are prepared (in water, I might add). I’ve not ever used the longer cooking grits. And certainly have never cooked them in HEAVY CREAM.

So anyway, the grits are topped with shrimp and sausage in a gravy like sauce. Fresh Parsley and Green onions are added at the end of the cooking time. It was REALLY good. Next time I will cut down on the cream A LOT (like maybe use ½ cup or something) because I can see where that silky cream adds some of the rich, smooth texture to the grits, but what I used was really too much in my book.

Obviously, Mr. Perfectly couldn’t eat my dinner. He’s still on clear liquids , yogurt and peanut butter toast. The recipe made A LOT. The question was, what to DO with it all?

I packed my lunch for today….I made a bowl for Son #1 (whose girlfriend was over and he didn’t want to eat in front of her, and she hardly ever eats). I ate some, Son #2 ate some, and we still had OODLES of leftovers.

Well, I did something mildly awkward. I packed my single, male boss a whopping dish and brought it to work. I’ve never done this before. He’s all about ANYTHING free (he’s kind of a miser like that), and I figured, hey---he won’t have to cook for himself, it’s free….WHY NOT? Well, then you get into the awkward stuff…what if he hates it?….what if he thinks I’m mothering him (he’s 10 yrs younger than me)? what if he hates grits or something?

I haven’t told him it’s here yet. Heather, my young, vibrant, niece thinks I’m silly for feeling awkward. She thinks I should just tell him it’s here and leave it up to him to take or not. That makes sense, but you all KNOW how I over-think every aspect of my life!!!

So, tell boss man that he’s got Shrimp and Grits for dinner if he so chooses, or leave it alone?

Well, I’m out for now. Have a Happy Thursday (woo hoo….Survivor!!)

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

True Blue

Wow, Internet, I am really blue today. I feel like such a whiner. Really, I do. I lecture my kids and my niece ALL THE TIME that life is what you make of it. Nobody can ‘make’ us feel a certain way. It’s how we CHOOSE to react. YADA YADA YADA.

Today, I came into work sort of expecting the entire section to know of Mr. P’s ‘issue’. My supervisor seems to get upset when we miss work due to an illness of an adult or teenage family member. I’ve heard that she feels like once they are old enough to take care of themselves, that maybe mom or wife shouldn’t need to be off with them during an illness. I did take off yesterday because I was concerned a great deal about Mr. Perfectly. Especially his bouts of nausea, sweating and feeling faint. I didn’t want him to pass out and hit his head or something in the bathroom and have nobody around to help.

Sometimes illnesses and comments get ‘leaked’ and I was sort of worried about the repercussions of being out for my normally healthy adult husband. The snide comments from co-workers, etc.

Well, there’s been NOTHING. Ah, you say….why be blue, then? Well, as a matter of fact not a single soul but one has even spoken to me today. YEP…not a one. And the one who did, was possibly probing for info. Maybe she was just curious, but it is doubtful.

I came in sort of expecting (see, that’s what one gets when one has EXPECTATIONS) a birthday card from the section. There’s one gal in particular that goes around and gets everyone to sign a card for people’s birthday. Nope. Not for me. At least not that I’m aware of. Since I took my birthday off, and she’s not here today, MAYBE she’s just holding it.

My BFF hasn’t spoken to me. So, when I went to ask what was wrong around here, she answered me “what makes you think something is wrong” and I snapped at her. GREAT. Nothing like alienating your friends, huh?

She’s not been back to speak to me, now it’s all awkward, and I worry. She’s feisty and doesn’t take crap from ANYONE….even her closest friends. I didn’t have any right or reason to snap at her, but I did. Now what do I do? Yes, I am 12 today. Help me!!

The person I work most closely with is very quiet today as well. It’s all very mysterious and strange. I feel left out and like there’s something hanging over me or something.

I hate this part of my personality. The nervous, NEEDY part. The one that wants people to acknowledge her. To like her. UGH.

Oh, I took the chicken way out and e-mailed Jakki. Haven’t heard back, so I may have really screwed up.

Well, I’m off to wander in the quiet world of my life, and wonder what the heck is going on, and HOPING beyond hope I haven’t ticked Jakki off too much.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

This is me, getting off my LAZY ASS, Dingo.


I suppose y'all want the Birthday scoop, huh? Well, it was fun. Then Mr. P got sick, we went to the emergency room and it sucked.

Well, not all in the same day or anything, but the same long weekend.

So, the Birthday. Teenie took me to the Lake of the Ozarks for a FABULOUS breakfast, cool presents and an 11 am wine tasting. I was concerned about starting to drink wine at 11 am, but was assured by the wine tasting hostess, Kathy, that it was WELL within the range of normal. Apparently when SHE goes on wine tours with her husband they start tasting at 8:30 am. Wow. I am a wine prude apparently.

We went shopping, had our nails done and that sort of fun, bonding girlie stuff. Teenie is the best, and as always it was full of FUN, FRIVOLITY and LAUGHS!!!

Then on Saturday (which happened to be St. Valentine's Day--Happy Birthday, Stoogie, Baby!!), my WHOLE local family (which is small) went to Dominico's for dinner.

Then Sunday, Mr. Perfectly began complaining about feeling a little 'off'. He has diverticulitis and ulcerative colitis. Yeah. Fun, huh? I can't imagine the stuff he endures. But anyway, he's been pretty healthy for some time. Nearly 3 years since his last MAJOR (7 days in the hospital) episode. By Sunday afternoon, he seemed to be in a full blown episode, or attack or WHATEVER they are called. He tried all sorts of things at home (stuff to make him 'go', is all I'll say), and to no avail. We ended up at the emergency room around 8 pm. Luckily in our little town, often we don't have to wait long at the ER----unlike you big cities......we actually got in IMMEDIATELY, and within 15 minutes, he had an IV started and loads of blood work taken. Within 30 minutes, he had X-Rays. We were pretty impressed with the speed and seeming care that the Doctor and Nurse (both male) took with Mr. P. They listened carefully to our comments, observations and explanations of what we knew about his condition (his diagnosis also came at the same hospital stay 3 years ago, so this is not something we've known details about for very long).

We were pretty disappointed when, as is the norm in our small town----(well, at least they did the same thing 3 years ago), he was told he was constipated (UM, DUHHHHHH....DIDN'T WE TELL THEM THAT??) and was sent home with stuff to drink (like before a colonoscopy) to 'clean' him out. His blood work was all fine and no infection seemed present.

Long story short in all of this is that he continued to suffer throughout the night, and alot of the day on Monday. He was 'going', but was still in alot of pain. He called the University of Missouri this morning. They are who diagnosed him after our hospital sent him home 'constipated' 3 yrs. ago. Unfortunately, they never called him back.

He is feeling alot better. He's not laying on the bathroom floor hoping to poop, sweating, shaking, cramping and feeling like he's going to puke anymore. That's progress.

I suspect that the Emergency Room was relatively correct in that he may not have the infection signs of Diverticulitis yet....or Ulcerative Colitis......., but nobody knows his body better than Mr. Perfectly, and he knows when something isn't right. And although we both feel like this is maybe a more mild case than he's previously had, that he definitely is more than just 'constipated'. Although, I've never had those issues, and cannot be sure, I don't think that people LAY ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR sweating because they are constipated. Or sit in the ER triage area doubled over with know?

I am a complete idiot when stuff like this happens. I don't like to be out of control and I don't cope very well with the stress. I probably come across as a cold BIOTCH. I'm kind of a 'guy' in the respect that I feel the need to FIX the problem, rather than be nurturing and empathetic.

Then, to top it all off, I had a complete meltdown (CAN YOU SPELL M.E.L.T.D.O.W.N.????) right before taking Mr. P to the ER. My children were being absolute boors. Neither of them felt it necessary to have a caring bone in their bodies and try to work with me. Both of them were surly and snappy for me DARING to ask them to change their plans were on our way to the was awful.

I called my dad crying. You know the kind....the deeply sobbing crying where NOBODY can understand you? My dad isn't a warm fuzzy either, and basically told me very FIRMLY to get ahold of myself, and somehow reached son #2 and chewed him out. I immediately got a call back from son #2 apologizing. Son #1 also apologized for being so ugly when I asked him to go get his brother--so in the end it was a little better, but let me tell you people.....Teenage boys can be JUST AS DIFFICULT as the girls. Dont' let anyone fool you.

Then I got lectured by my dad to get ahold of my youngest NOW so he didn't turn out like my OLDEST. Well, my oldest is difficult at times, but not a bad kid. He's just very, VERY pulled away from us and selfish. So, good times were HAD BY ALL Sunday night.

The hospital gave Mr. P Magnesium Citrate to drink, which apparently was HORRIFYING, to make him 'go'. So, he's spent the last 48 hours having diarrhea, and hoping this is truly just a bowel emptying issue rather than colitis. Or diverticulitis. AAAARRRGGHHH.

Oh, then tonight he went to the laundry room and discovered that there is a leak or pipe backing up somewhere.

Happy end of the Birthday Week to us.

I am, however, getting a PACKAGE in the mail. I can't wait!!!! Ms. Darkstar was totally awesome and wanted to send me a package. It's on it's way. She apparently doesnt' have the mail allergy that I have. Right, Stoogie?

Anywho, that's enough of the TMI for today.

Toodles for now folks. Keep smiling!!

Oh, wait. In case you didn't figure it out, my title was SARCASTIC, not annoyed. Just in case there were any questions. I'm too tired to have people thinking I'm outwardly being like passive aggressive or something. I ADORE Dingo!!!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Smugacity Self-Improvement Challenge (cont.)

Okay, so I didn’t take part in Melissa Lion’s cleaning challenge of yesterday. CLEANING? DURING MY BIRTHDAY WEEK? No. Way. But watch her video…it’s FASCINATING.

I will, however, tell you the recipe for cheap household cleaner. TA-DA!! Equal parts non-sudsing ammonia and water. Put in a spray bottle. It cleans EVERYTHING. It’s awesome.

Glass cleaner is equal parts non sudsing ammonia, isopropyl alcohol and water. Again, put in a spray bottle, BOOM…the best glass cleaner EVAH.

Yes, it fraught with chemicals, and MelissaLion’s video was how to make a non toxic cleanser….so my ammonia defeats the challenge of ‘green’ cleaning. But for those of you that aren’t as green as others…..ammonia ROCKS in the cleaning world.

So, today’s challenge is to support the arts. I can’t afford to support the arts, therefore, I’ll give a shout out to my favorite artist DAN!! Woo Hoo….DAN!!

Besides really liking him as a person, he is my favorite artist, and the ONLY artist I personally know. I could add knowing an artist to my snobbish resume. Aren’t artsy friends a requirement to be snobbish and smug? Especially if one isn’t artsy at all herself?

Here is one of my current favorite paintings that he’s done:

I like most of his paintings, but some just stick out to me, and although I have specific favorites, this is a general favorite.

Here is his where you can go to see many of DAN’S paintings.

OH….OH…..OH……WAIT……I can support another artist!! An artist using a different medium….PHOTOGRAPHY!! MY HUSBAND!! Mr. Perfectly is a photographer, which makes him artsy… I know TWO artists!!! Wow!!

Here’s Mr. Perfectly’s photoblog.

And then there’s my pal Stoogie. I didn’t include him earlier, because, although he is a true blue artist, I don’t officially KNOW him. I just cyber-know him. I LONG to meet him in real life, and have him bestow some of his art on me as well, but so far, he’s not offered either. For me to meet him in real life or any of his art.

So, there you have it. I’ve supported the arts. And it was free.

C’mon Mr. P, Dan and Stoogie….show Perfectly the LUV for supporting the arts!!!

Happy Wednesday, that is my FRIDAY since I’m off work tomorrow and Friday!! YIPPEE!!!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

The Melissa Lion International* Superiority Smugacity Self-Improvement Challenge

Since I am her stalker, and this is MY WEEK, go to MelissaLion's site and take her challenge!!!!

So, I’ve been trying to think of things to be smug and superior about. I’m not coming up with much, but I’ll DO MY BEST.

My husband makes coffee for me every day. And it tastes better because he says he puts ‘LOVE’ into it.

I am a good cook, and a minor food snob.

I often get my way.

I brought my own V-8 juice and Funyuns to work so I wasn’t paying a doller PER can of V-8 and PER bag of funyuns a day.


I eat fresh beef. Not processed by a feed lot. With no antibiotics or hormones.

I adopt my animals from shelters. Except for Dex, and I assure myself that his purchase (for $30—on sale) was NEARLY as noble, since he was being raised by the crazy, Pentecostal bun wearing lady who kept touching my BOOB. And he was being sold at the weird Pet Swap Meet. He NEEDED a home.

I realize these snobbish ideals aren’t as lofty as MelissaLion’s—like making fresh from scratch granola, but they are cool things for me nonetheless. I am so not a gardener, but I will make use of OTHER’S hard work and effort in the garden and use fresh items as often as I can. Either my dad’s farm or Farmer’s Market in the spring/summer. I also plant HERBS in the spring so I can have them fresh, with no pesticides.

I do confess to using a bread maker, but my Husband experiments with making fresh bread recipes a lot. Herb breads and cheese breads and regular crusty breads. YUMMY. They accompany my soup making on a regular basis.

So, there you have it. My loftiness SOARS beyond the average folk, don’t you think? HUH? (Remember….it’s MY week!!!!—I get MY way!!)

Thank you, MelissaLion for allowing my natural snobby nature SHINE for the day.

I, of course, will attempt to find more lofty things about me to post about in coming days.

Toodles for now. It’s Mr. Perfectly’s BIRTHDAY!!!

Monday, February 9, 2009

The official PERFECTLY week.

Addresses and phone numbers can be provided for presents and well wishes. TAKE NOTE, people. This is a once in a year event.

This is the Perfectly Birthday week. Mr. Perfectly’s big day is tomorrow (he’ll be 44) and my big day is on FRIDAY (yes Friday the 13th). I will be 43.

I like presents. I am not picky---if I can see that a lot of thought went into the present, I don’t CARE what it is(as long as it is awesome). I also like phone calls and letters. Mr. P isn’t so much of a social butterfly

It’s fun having a birthday near the same time as your spouse. We get taken to dinner a lot, our kids are nice for a day or two and we ignore getting older. IGNORE IT. Because we are 25 at heart.

The next obstacle is college. OY.

What an education (no pun intended) I’ve received this last week. Basically, college is unaffordable. UNAFFORDABLE, folks.

Missouri has a wonderful program available to kids with a 2.5 gpa (which my oldest is just shy of) and if they perform 50 hours of unpaid tutoring. It’s called the A+ program and it will PAY ALL TUITION for a community college for 2 years. ALL TUITION. My son wasn’t interested in the A+ program. He wanted to attend the University of Missouri, Columbia or Ole’ Miss. Well, after filling out our federal financial aid paperwork and seeing what the ‘estimated family contribution’ will be……that’s a no go. So, I am freaking out over HOW TO GET HIS GRADES UP.

After conversing 3 separate times with son #1’s high school counselor—it has been determined that it IS possible. With a solid a- average for the remainder of school. This is nearly impossible for a Senior suffering from Senior-it is. HELP!!! I’m distressed and dismayed at this turn of events!!!

Y’all need to understand, when I get a hold of some things in my brain, I’m like a dog with a bone, and won’t let go. It drives Mr. Perfectly to distraction sometimes. I drive MYSELF to distraction at times with the constant thinking, worrying, all the what if’s.

I’m sure many of you that are more financially secure would say “you should have thought about this from the minute he was BORN”. Well, we didn’t. I mean we thought about it, but never did anything about it…or were ABLE to save or anything. So, now here we are just shy of graduation, and no plan of action.

Well, I’ve been at this for a long time. Coming back to it in the few free minutes I’ve had.

Now remember……’s PERFECTLY’S BIRTHDAY this week….and Mr. Perfectly’s, too!!!

Toodles for now!!!

Friday, February 6, 2009

Yes, it is time for a complainey post again

I have an ear infection. LIKE A REAL EAR my kids used to get. I am not happy nor am I feeling particularly cute.

I woke up and thought to myself "oh hell no" about going to work. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I felt LOUSY. I got up and the shift in head pressure immediately became apparent, because I realized my ear was DROWNING in it's own fluids. I immediately went from feeling lousy to MISERABLE.

I used to wonder about these medical shows with peculiar people getting a live bug in their ear and FLIPPING OUT. Well, I get it. I feel like half of my head is buried in some sort of slimy water and I can't think straight. It's horrible.H O R R I B L E. Got that HHHOOORRRRRIIIBBBBBLLLEEEE.

I am on an antibiotic and decongestants to hopefully thin out the mucus and get it moving where the HELL IT BELONGS and not in my ear. So far it's NOT WORKING. I wish he'd have just lanced the damn eardrum and let it drain. Can they do that?

I feel guilty for being such a baby--other people I know are sick too, and with worse illnesses than me.

I'm off for now. I'm going to try to not go insane from the weird pressure and sensations I am getting from this ear infection.


happy Friday.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Mouth Breather

Yes I am one. I breathe through my mouth---which in turn causes all sorts of lovely side effects, such as DROOLING while I sleep. Oh, and don’t forget the snoring.

BUT, who KNEW that mouth breathing really was not so. It is just breathing with your mouth open and using your mouth and nose, in tandem, to breathe. I always assumed I just breathed through my mouth exclusively.

No, people, I do not. Except for today. Today I am breathing exclusively from my mouth and I am NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT.

I am sick. I have a cold. I want to go home and wrap up in a blanket and STARE into space with NOTHING to do, nowhere to go, and nobody to please.

I assumed that my day to day mouth breathing was a result of my copious allergies. While this may be true, I’ve learned that it is near MISERY to be so stuffy that not one single stream of air passes through your nose. I’ve also learned, that despite my allergies, I apparently do use my nose to breathe on a regular basis, and now that this ability is GONE…..SEEMINGLY FOREVER……I am truly dying.

I am a lovely picture today with my mouth gaping open, GASPING for air, my nose squeaking when I TRY to force air through it, or blow snot OUT of it…….my eyes are all red and squinty and I can’t focus. I CAN’T THINK ABOUT ANYTHING relevant or important. Like work. Or my kids. Or ANYTHING but breathing THROUGH MY MOUTH.

Another horrifying side effect of exclusive mouth breathing? Yeah….you can’t TASTE anything. Not even my coffee. Or wonderful pilsbury-from-a-roll peanut butter cookies that I love so much—that my hubby made me last night since I was sick.

Oh, and I have a sore throat. It switches sides daily. Today it’s the right side. Yesterday it was the left. Oh and that’s another odd health anomaly. My right tonsil has collapsed into itself. My left tonsil is HUGE (on a regular basis, not just from being sick). So how in the WORLD am I to look in my throat to see if anything is amiss? IT’S ALREADY AMISS.

I don’t see any white infection spots, so I guess for now, I’ll live. Live in misery. I’m not running a fever but the least little bit of work WEARS ME OUT. Like fixing dinner last night. I got a burst of energy and decided to quit being a whiny brat and cook something. Well, I cooked gnocchi. It was packaged gnocchi, but gnocchi just the same. I’ve never had gnocchi, except one time, when it was AWESOME.

I used the asian chili butter sauce that I learned from the dumpling recipe from last week? Remember? The one whose sauce I adored? I adapted the sauce just a tad and added some diced tomato to sort of cut that butter richness and served it over the gnocchi with cooked shrimp thrown in.

Gnocchi is mushy. The gnocchi I had at BRAVO! was toasty and nutty and firm. I tried to fry these little nuggets and they got a tiny bit brown, but no toasty and nutty. They stuck to the pan, too.

The sauce was good, the shrimp was good, but the gnocchi? Not so much. It was okay, but not awesome like I’d envisioned it. It was right after the gnocchi that I lost my ability to breathe properly and to taste……..thus losing out on the peanut butter cookie goodness from Mr. Perfectly.

After my burst of cooking, I was done. Spent. FOR. THE NIGHT. I watched American Idol, and my beloved Rose get the boot and went to bed a little after 8 pm. This was good, because the night before, I was in bed by 7:30 pm.

Work is a bugger and there’s this sort of expectation that we put on our big girl panties and show up regardless of the CRISIS DU JOUR. So, I’ve felt like I have to be here. I was out on Monday---and whooooo boy—had I known I’d get WORSE, I’d have put my big girl panties on THEN and wussed out today. Because that’s how I roll. I’m a big ole wuss. I don’t like to be sick, I don’t like to feel bad and I want the WORLD to baby me and take care of me.

Somehow the world isn’t terribly compliant with my wishes. And despite the perception of needing to be at work, there are also the fiery looks from my co-workers mad that I’m snotting and snuffling around the office, potentially exposing them to the plague.

I try to be polite, but the crap isn’t moving one way or another. I try to blow, and it just squeaks and makes all sorts of trombone-ish noises. I try to sniff…..SAME RESULT!!!!!! I make a lovely representative of our state when I answer phone calls (‘blah blah blah, dis is Shelly, cand I hep you?????) Real attractive. One of our regular guys called in this morning and commented on my plugged up-ness. GREAT.

So, Internet, will you take care of me? Baby Me? Make the bad stuff all go away?
Try for me, will ya? Bring on the funny! Tell me stories---make me LAUGH. Something to detract from this freaking COLD!!!

Toodles for now!!