Monday, June 30, 2008


I think Best Buy has absconded with our computer. Mr. Perfectly has called them, and they’ve assured him that they’d check it out and get back to us. NOTHING. It’s been since June 6th that they were ‘sending off’ our computer for a fan replacement. 2 work tickets and 3 weeks later…..nobody knows NUTTIN’. I’m not a patient person ( just in case you hadn’t realized this yet), and this lack of a home computer is making me CRAZY……JUST CRAZY. I can’t obsess over all things medical, teen-related or blog related! I try to make up for it at work, but obviously, it puts my work performance in jeopardy when I’m not working……..that really kind of sucks, you know?

I had a really fun weekend. Teenie and I went running around and out for dinner on Friday night….then on Saturday, we spent the entire day together. We didn’t do much, except eat, laugh and get our nails done. I got some really wild nails…….at least for me……I’d take a picture and show you except I DON’T HAVE INTERNET ACCESS AT HOME, AND WITHOUT MR. PERFECTLY’S HELP, I AM USELESS AT TRYING TO TAKE AND UPLOAD PHOTOS. Anyway, think French Manicure (on too short nails) with 3 crystals on each nail….in (drum roll…..) red, white and BLUE! How cute, Huh? Mr. Perfectly implied that it made me look sort of HOOKER-ISH, but I don’t care. It’s fun, and festive. One young girl at the nail salon, even called me ‘SASSY’ (as in 'aren't YOU sassy??). I’m not sure if she meant that as a compliment or that if it mean't "aren't YOU stupid?" I choose to believe it was a compliment (do I have YOU convinced??).

We were going to try to do something out of the ordinary on Saturday night—I wanted to tackle making empanadas from scratch, and get drunk at The Farm, but Teenie wasn’t as interested in drunken dough rolling/filling/frying as I was. So we decided we’d go to Hermann, MO, and check out the wineries. Perfectly’s dad was going to be the designated driver. Except he didn’t want to go. And it got too late (seeing as we were getting our nails done at 4:30 pm, and Hermann is an hour away, and we weren’t even READY). So Hermann was a bust. We ended up going to Fulton, MO to a cute little restaurant called Bek’s. We had a really nice dinner with Mr. Perfectly, Perfectly’s dad, and Son #2. We had awesome coconut cake and they brought us these TINY little seafood type forks for dessert. It was weird and totally funny. So Teenie and I shared this HUGE PIECE of coconut cake from these itsy-bitsy forks. Son #2 had carrot cake, and he managed to hork it down much faster than Teenie and I did…..but he’s a teenager, and they practically INHALE their food.

Then yesterday, Mr. Perfectly and I went to the Lake of the Ozarks to shop. SHOP…….we went to a KITCHEN STORE…….which to me is like being an addict in a crack house. I bought a garlic press thingy that was only $3 (translate: it probably won’t work worth a damn), and a microplane grater (which I’ve wanted for AGES) and a blender, and a mandolin. Oh, and we found a present for Teenie……a tiny little fork like we used for dessert the night before. I need to get a bow.

We went by Aeropostale in hopes of finding just the right shorts for #2’s 15th birthday (which is tomorrow…….send the love his way……and CASH), and they had jeans and shirts on CLEARANCE…..I bought Khaki cargo’s, and jeans for $3 $3, PEOPLE!! Sweaters (yes, for winter) for $1.80. Polo shirts for $6. The most expensive thing I bought there was jeans for Mr. Perfectly for $9. I have 2 HUGE bags of clothing, let’s see….3 sweaters, 3 polo’s, 2 cargo khaki’s, one regular khaki, and at least 7 (maybe 9) pair of jeans for a total of $91.00. Nothing in the lot being more expensive than $9. I was in shock. Poor Son #2…he’s getting a clearance birthday!!

So, to sum it up, I got to go out to eat Friday AND Saturday night, Spent a girl day on Sat. with Teenie, shopped on Sunday, and since the PMS issue last week finally , well, resulted in a result? I didn’t even have to **WINK-WINK** re-pay for any of it. Oh, and Mr. Pefectly cooked Quesadillas last night. We made awesome margaritas in the new Blender (wooheeee…..they were strong little suckers), and I went to beddie bye before 10, and slept soundly.

So, here I am, not even MINDING being at work. I am jealous as can be at Mr. Perfectly who is OFF ALL WEEK……….but he deserves it. He’s been crazy busy at work, so he deserves to be off work and do things around the house for ME instead! Hahahaha

Happy Monday to you all. I miss having my computer at home so I can stalk all my favorite bloggers with long winded comments and e-mails professing my undying love!

See, I KNOW deep inside they miss me too, but are just too polite to inquire about my absence.
Hey, send the love to Son #2 and ME… He gets his driver’s permit tomorrow (if he can pass the exam)………and he needs lots of fun birthday wishes! I need some Xanex to cope with the permit, so I expect to have some delivered by my internet BFF’s POST HASTE!


Wednesday, June 25, 2008

GPS, PMS and David Beckham

I am beginning to feel like I’m in some sort of other realm regarding David Beckham. I hardly know who the man is. I mean, I know he plays soccer, I don’t find him to be terribly handsome (unless we are discussing his taut tummy), I know he’s married to a fashion obsessed former spice girl, who from my vantage point seems quite superficial. Oh, yeah, and recently, I discovered that he has a lot of tattoos. One of which my son has permanently scratched on his back (at least a smaller version of…..). This is the EXTENT of any DB knowledge I have. My sitemeter is off the charts with what appears to my un-computer sophisticated eyes, David Beckham tattoo searches. Someone, PLEASE that has more of an understanding on how to track these things…take a look at my sitemeter-----are THAT many people finding my blog because they are otherwise looking for info on DB’s tattoos?

Then to top off my DB blog amazement, I went home early yesterday, and GUESS WHO was on a re-run of Ellen? David Beckham himself. She was trying to get him to disrobe. Which, I can see why---his tummy is nice, but….you know? I just don’t GET IT. The obsession over this guy..oh well…my mom couldn’t understand my obsession with Leif Garrett when was 12 either.

So anyway, I apparently am in a Twilight Zone episode featuring David Beckham. I can’t seem to escape from him.

Oh, and on a completely UNRELATED note….I am envious of people who have an eclectic interest and taste in music. I’m not a music OR movie person at all. I keep the radio on in the car just for noise, but I have to TURN IT DOWN, when I need to make any maneuver that requires concentration. Like looking for an address, or backing up. Recently, I’ve been hearing this TERRIBLY catchy tune on our local pop station….something with Sweet Home Alabama all Summer Long….in the chorus. It talks about teenagers having summer fun…..drinking, smoking, having sex……It makes me all dreamy eyed and nostalgic with fun memories IT MAKES ME DANCE IN MY CAR….then it makes me PANIC as a mom. How confused must my poor brain be? Anyway, I asked son #1 about the song, and he looked at me like if it wasn’t rap full of angry language, then I must be CRAZY to think he’d know what fun summer song I was talking about. I asked Son #2 if he knew what it was and who sang it, and all I ever get from him is “Mom can I hang out with girlfriend from 8 in the morning to 11 at night every single day…..huh? Huh? Huh? Why? I don’t understand!!! We just want to hang out….what’s the big deal???” So after hearing the catchy, nostalgic tune AGAIN this morning, I visited my frienemy, Google. Google is a great resource, but a real downer when looking for Medical issues, or what happens to teenagers………. Come to find out the song is called “All Summer Long” (go figure), by (drumroll, please)………Kid Rock.

I’m a 43 year old mother. I’m overweight. I dream of driving a fancy SUV, gas prices be DAMNED. I can’t like Kid Rock. He’s kind of….well…..icky looking. I wouldn’t want my daughter to date him (if I had a daughter)….so why? WHY am I suckered into liking things I don’t like…… the one time I heard a catchy tune on the local pop station….a computer enhanced voice telling me that he’s going to bring ‘SEXY BACK”………….and it was the Mousekateer himself , Justin Timberlake. I DON’T LIKE JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE………therefore I can’t like the song.

There is the slight possibility that I may be suffering a TINY BIT from PMS. I find myself being annoyed at every little thing. Like the fact that Kid Rock sings my favorite song of the moment. Or that David Beckham wont’ LEAVE ME ALONE. Or that my teenage son #1 may turn into a sideways ball cap wearing, tattooed, DEADBEAT (omg, like Kid Rock…….).

Mr. Perfectly signed us up for a free trial of the GPS locater service through our cell phone carrier, Sprint. Son #1 IMMEDIATELY turned off the gps feature on his phone telling us that we are just trying to CATCH him doing something wrong and it was ‘gay’ and ‘retarded’ to subscribe (by the way, the ‘gay’ and ‘retarded’ references are words he uses when he wants to get a REALLY big rise out of me……..F%$#!(* Gay is even worse……). Our feeling is that if he’s to be trusted and NOT doing anything wrong he shouldn’t have an issue with the gps……….**Sigh**. Parenting teens is HARD WORK people. It’s exhausting.

Oh, and I’m back into watching “30 Days” on FX or whatever station has it. I am so drawn into people who have differing opinions of situations, living together for 30 days. It usually ends up with lots of introspective realization on one or both parties, and it’s generally a happy thing. Well, last night it was a Mormon stay at home mom, opposed to gay/lesbian couples adopting kids. She went to live with a gay couple who’d adopted four children. She never ONCE even considered the possibility that a good home is a good home regardless of who the parents are. She maintained that gay and lesbian parents would teach the adopted children that homosexual relationships were ok, and continue to ‘propagate’ the problem, and MAYBE make the kids themselves ‘turn’ gay. I was shocked, and really disgusted. I sort of have a hang-up on organized religion…….telling society what is ok and what is not ok…….but that’s a different post, my opinions obviously didn’t gel with this woman, so I suppose I could be accused of being as closed minded as her. Except I know I’m not. I don’t try to enact LEGISLATION not allowing Mormon families to adopt kids…..because I may not agree with some of their teachings…….because it may cause a kid to ‘grow up and be Mormon’…….I admire deeply faithful families……good loving families. I just don’t want to be PREACHED to and told why God will strike people DOWN for their wrong beliefs…….anyway, she’d rather see kids live in FOSTER care than be adopted by a loving parent or set of parents. It’s really sort of sad.

Anyway, did I mention I may be suffering from some Minor PMS? I’m not sure that I did mention that fun little fact. So just in case here’s the mention. Of. PMS. Possibly. Invading. My. Brain.

Let’s see what the site meter turns up TODAY…..Kid rock and PMS…..??? Mormons and David Beckham?

Jakki just popped in to inform me that one of our co-workers TOOK HER DENTAL PLATE out and rinsed it in the sink of our shared break area. Ewww. Can we have a COLLECTIVE ewwww? Please? For me and Jak?


Monday, June 23, 2008


I realize compared to the ‘biggie’ bloggers, my sitemeter reflects a paltry sum of visitors, but WOW……have the international visitors been checking Perfectly out! All (or at least most) are Google-ing stuff about David Beckham’s tattoo! Which is now partially my son’s tattoo.

Who knew?

If only the new visitors will KEEP COMING BACK. My life is so exciting, that I can’t IMAGINE why the reader’s aren’t FLOCKING to my site waiting with bated breath for my next post!!

COMMENT folks! I realize I’ve been lax in my return comments, but with no computer and work filters, I get ‘outed’ every time I go into my acct. to check things!! Once my life and computer are back on track, I promise to try to comment back to y’all!!

Oh…here’s a random question? What does one do when one hears a co-worker FART in the bathroom? A loud, echoing one, then the softer PFFTTTTT. Not that I don’t ‘get it’ a matter of fact, I’m sure I’ve been heard…but we walked in to the bathroom TOGETHER, so she KNEW it was me hearing……..and despite the fact farting belongs in a restroom as opposed to public areas, it still was a bit odd. She’s a major Martha Stewart wanna-be….so the fart coming from her pristine ass was just…….well…..unsettling.

Toodles for now!


Well, this weekend was a testament to my TOTALLY exciting, OUT OF CONTROL life. We went out to dinner with Son #1 and Perfectly’s dad on Friday night. We had a lovely pasta dinner at a local restaurant that is actually pretty good. For our neck of the woods, that is.

Got up early on Saturday morning and glanced around at the filthy wreck our home has become and sat down to watch Food Network. Rachel Ray was making some sort of Chicken Wellington. Well, I ADORE puff pastry, and began to think about making BEEF wellington (you know, since Perfectly’s dad raises BEEF). Hmmmm

Son #2 needed to mow at Perfectly’s Dad’s house---hereafter knows as “The Farm”. I drove #2 to the farm, and he was all wigged out because the time it takes to mow the yard out there is over 2 hours, and he wanted to do something with his GIRLFRIEND, and this may INTERFERE. I wasn’t going to hang out there, in case Perfectly’s dad got some grand idea of putting ME to work doing something “outdoorsy”. I don’t cope well with sweat, grass, manure and the like. Especially the sweat. EWWW. And believe me, I produce the sweat. I’m a GIRL, and sweat like a giant man…….it’s totally gross.

Anyway, I asked Perfectly’s dad about the beef situation—he’s getting low. He’s taking 2 to be butchered (PETA/animal rights folks BACK OFF) tomorrow. He only had a couple of steaks, and wanted to save those for himself next week for dinner. Regarding his beef. It seems gross to kill a cow and eat it. I don’t deal well with the actuality of this situation, so I, as a carnivore, choose to not THINK about it. My dad’s cows are in a field, eating grass, they have a creek to drink from as well as a source of fresh water from a well…..they are not confined to a ‘lot’ and they are taken care of. In return, my family is eating leaner beef with NO HORMONES and NO ANTIBIOTICS. I would much rather eat beef in this manner than the stuff that comes from the store. Where cruelty and unsanitary conditions exist for mass production of beef. So anyone who is feeling feisty…don’t mess with me. I choose to eat meat, and this means of eating beef is SO MUCH HEALTHIER for us than commercial beef. ‘Nuff said…….

So, I asked Perfectly’s dad to use his internet (since Best Buy still has our computer) to peruse Food Network because I wanted to make Beef Wellington….he immediately said “you watched Rachel Ray this morning, didn’t you?”. I didn’t know whether or not to be more disturbed that he knew me so well, or that HE also watched Rachel Ray……

Speaking of Perfectly’s Dad……I get flak sometimes from people because Mr. Perfectly and I hang out with my dad so much. People think I’m weird. It really PISSES me off, because if it was my MOTHER that I shopped, ate and socialized with, NOBODY would think that is weird….My beautiful mother is in another state. I adore her, and she’s a BLAST to be with, but alas, she’s IN IOWA…..which doesn’t make regular ‘hanging out’ a feasible choice.

So anyway…..I got a lecture from dad that I spend entirely too much money on food and why can’t I be satisfied with just regular plain cooking. I have no answer to this, except plain ole meat and potatoes? Yuk.

I went and hit the internet (and ended up at his house until #2 was done mowing) and found some FABULOUS sounding recipes. It did not include beef wellington. I made THIS and THIS. Both were disappointing. The dumplings? They were good, but not FABULOUS. The chili/butter sauce? Now THAT was fabulous. So was the slaw. The edamame hummus? Meh…..not so great. I love edemame. This recipe sounded PERFECT for a dip whore like myself………and it was ok, but maybe a little bland. I chose to use roasted garlic since garlic in ALL forms stays with me for longer than it should, but RAW garlic is the worst…….maybe that made it milder. Next time, I may throw in a cucumber and more salt and garlic. I just don’t know.

Yesterday, I didn’t get dressed until after noon. I went back to the grocery and got stuff for grilling. Yippee….we had pork steaks, burgers (of the commercial beef……I wasn’t happy about that) and hot dogs (do not ask me why I oppose commercial beef, yet buy hot dogs. I just don’t have a good answer for that).

That, people, is the extent of my exciting life. I bought a new pair of brown capri’s and am wearing the shirt I wore with the Cute Cousins…….It’s a little out of the box for me (at work, that is), so I feel sort of weird, but happy nonetheless.

Thursday, June 19, 2008


Well, Crap. Jury duty is over. The parties settled the case. SETTLED. I’m so upset! I wanted to DELIBERATE, to try to be the FOREMAN (foreperson?). I WANTED MY WAY, DAMMIT!!!!!

I spent the last 3 days plus 2 hrs fretting, thinking and worrying about this case. And they settled it. I feel gypped.

I called my boss to let her know I was free at last, but I had jeans on, and did she want me to come to work after I changed, or just come on in as is. She said to come on to work, so, WOO HOO….I’m working in jeans today….nah nah nah nah NAH!!!!

I’m not back into the work frame of mind yet…..I’m sort of reeling from all the stuff we saw and how awful the case was and how all parties in it must have suffered. I was truly leaning for the defense, BUT, I certainly felt bad for ALL people involved. It was just a sucky thing all around.

I met my boss’s mom while on Jury Duty. She was a hoot. I LOVED her. I hope we can meet for lunch on occasion.

OHHHHHH….here’s the big personal news. Son #1 got his tattoo. I HATE it. It’s on his back, between his shoulder blades. I don’t know what it is…….it actually is THIS, without the wings, and names. And smaller---maybe 5 inches. We aren’t a religious family…..I’m not sure why he was so HELL BENT on getting this tattoo… it because David Beckham has it? He’s not a DB fan, and he says he just likes it. AAARRRGGHHHH. I’ll post pictures soon…whenever BEST BUY gets our computer back. He, of course, is THRILLED. He keeps thanking me for letting him get it….and asking if I like it. I’ve been honest and told him NO, I do NOT like it at all……but it was his choice, not mine. (weep). I think it’s a cross between Christ on the Cross and a Guardian Angel? Anybody familiar with this symbol that can tell me what it is?

I also bought this. Isn't is gorgeous? I've got a wedding set in yellow gold, and I wear alot of silver and white metals, so I bought this on special for $19.82 and will wear it when alot of my jewelry is the white metals. It's prettier in person than in the photo.

I better get moving. Lots of work to do!!

Monday, June 16, 2008

hello and goodby!

No..I'm not leaving the blog world. I'm serving on a jury!! A JURY........for a case that may last all week. That, coupled with the fact that Best Buy still has our computer, I'll be out of comission for a while.

I feel so grown up and stuff being on a JURY.

I'm on a foreign computer, so I am not commenting, so I don't have to fill out all the sign in crap AGAIN..

Thanks for the blogroll, Crissy! I'll get Mr. Perfectly on the job and get a blogroll on MINE!

Bye guys! I'll check in when I can.


The Juror

Friday, June 13, 2008

Much ado about NOTHING.

I don’t have an exciting life. No beach vacations or fabulous tales to report. No funny stories to re-tell, and for ONCE no beauty disasters.

Our computer is still being fixed by the Best Buy people…….that have to send it OFF to be fixed……that don’t have the parts at BEST BUY to fix it. It’s been a week, and we are all going NUTS.

OH….OH….OH…I’m serving on JURY DUTY. Isn’t THAT exciting? No, REALLY. I think it would be COOL to be on a jury. I haven’t been picked yet (the story of my life), but we’re supposed to have potential trials EVERY DAY next week, so maybe, just maybe.

I’m feeling kind of gross and intrigued by a new breakfast item our cafeteria has begun selling. Jakki told me about it but until today, I hadn’t seen it. Or sampled it. It’s breakfast PIZZA. It has eggs (not my fave), bacon, and maybe cheese, I couldn’t tell for sure, and get this…. GRAVY as the sauce…..white sausage gravy. Doesn’t it make you want to say EWWWWW and MMMMMM all in the same breath? The start of my breakfast pizza experience was lots of MMMMM, but sadly, ended in EWWWWW. I threw the last ¼ of it away. It wasn’t inedible, it was just……….eggy and gravy-ish…I don’t know, but definitely not finish-able………..I think it was the eggs for me….I don’t enjoy eggs much……..and the gravy gave sort of a pizza-esque-ness to it, but it also made the eggs kind of wet………or something. I don’t know. I’m drinking my large coffee now with complete satisfaction.

Teenie tells me that I’m just a wanna-be coffee drinker. I doctor my coffee with creamer and sugar…..I don’t like the uber strong brews of some coffee shops—I like them mild and sweet. I apparently am not woman enough to compete with Teenie’s river bottom sludge that she enjoys as coffee---the kind that makes your hair curl. I don’t do bitter, or strong. I like mild, sweet and milky. MMMMM.

To be perfectly honest, I am not much of a breakfast food enjoyer………I do cold cereal, but the hot, much craved BREAKFAST? I really don’t like it. Pancakes and waffles? Blech…too sweet. Donuts? Same thing…….ick. Eggs? Only on MY terms and the way I want them cooked…whites completely cooked with the yellow runny—and very INFREQUENTLY. Bacon? Meh—it’s ok.. Sausage? Not so much. Toast with butter is fine, but Jelly? No. Too sweet.

How do YOU feel about breakfast? Do you like it? I know, most people LOVE breakfast…and like the breakfast for dinner nights. We don’t have those very often---blech. I just can’t.

I wish I was funny today, but nothing has happened that IS funny…….just the same old stuff……Perfectly’s dad’s birthday is Sunday (happily coinciding with Father’s day). He’s an old fogey and isn’t interested in my plans to EXPLORE Missouri on Saturday in hopes of finding something totally fun and exciting to do. He just thinks that doing necessary FARM WORK is more important than entertaining ME on his birthday/Father’s day weekend. Harrumph. Can you believe the GALL of the man?

Give Perfectly’s Dad a shout out on Sunday----he says he doesn’t care about his birthday, but I know he does………so telepathically send well wishes to make his day! He doesn’t know about my blog, so I can’t tell him about your well wishes, so that is why we need to do it the telepathic way. I wouldn’t want to give up all my secrets to my DADDY.

Happy weekend. Hopefully soon I’ll be able to be funny again on my OWN computer and not keep looking over my shoulder hoping nobody is ON TO ME at work.

Oh, another thing…I’ve not seen any ARTWORK…..come on folks come thru for Perfectly…….I need those tattoo ideas!


Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Spelling, Tattoos and vacations...OH MY!!

Words I cannot spell (there are more, but I can't think of them)


Ok, I’m putting out the battle cry for tattoo ideas for my 17 yr old son that are not too ornate or creepy…a sleek, modern, male appropriate design is desired. Artwork that my son can claim as his tattoo, without us paying you for it :). (Dan, do you hear my cries? Can’t you help our your wife’s BEST FRIEND in her time of need? You KNOW I’m talking to you. Ph.D……get onto him……the son #1 thought a tattoo designed by your hubby was cool………) Ahem, all hinting aside, if anyone that is artsy and doesn’t mind their work being used as a teen tattoo, send me a note……..with your design…I need fabulous ideas. Oh, and smallish ideas….no more than 2x3 or maybe 3x3. He wants it on his hip/abdomen area….right of the belly button? Just in case someone has a great hip tattoo idea.

Ah, vacation. I need one. I want one. I can’t afford one. Where would YOU go if you could go on a vacation right now? I want to go to Puerto Rico or the US Virgin Islands or the FL Keys…….Just because we don’t have passports and we can get to the US territories without one (yes, I know the Keys aren’t a US territory, but part of FL). We’ll probably just go to the Lake of the Ozarks and buy fudge and crap on the strip……..again……..or to the Arch…….again. **sigh**

I’d like to go to Savannah GA on a ghost tour or something. St. Louis has the Lemp Mansion, that is supposed to be haunted……..but it’s a hotel, and although I’m interested, I’m NOT staying there all night. I want to continue NOT to believe in ghosts (unless Jay and Grant from Ghost Hunters is around).

Well, I’m off… to obsess about the tattoo issue…….I’m having a hard Mommy time with this folks. I watched ‘Intervention’ last night on A & E, and those drug addicted people had tattoos…..they were athletic and fell in with the wrong crowd………..they were “A’ Students until drugs RAVAGED their bodies. See??? Tattoos=biker boy!! (not really---for those of you clean cut types with tattoos, I am generalizing) Ph.D is trying to re-assure me that EVERYONE under the age of 25 has one. The tattoo shop was really nice last week, so I called to obsessively ask more questions today, and didn’t get such a warm fuzzy response………so I’m back to the fretting……..I actually called a 2nd shop, and they choose not to tattoo anyone under 18… the ‘rebel’ shop is it, I guess. I suppose the artists may laugh at the elastic jeaned, suburban mom taking pictures to scrapbook of her kid getting a tattoo………I can add it to the nudie tub photos and the Halloween costume, and Santa photos……..”awwww, here’s son #1 getting his TATTOO….isn’t that cute????”

Oh, lordy…I just need to quit THINKING about this.

Help me people!! Diversion!! Humor!! Distraction!! LIQUOR!! Send it ALL!!

Monday, June 9, 2008

Monday Musings

Don’t let ANYONE tell you that boys are easy. I have a 17 yr old that thinks he’s an adult, and is making reasonable, rational, adult choices. I have a 14 year old that is sweet and easy going until I say he can’t go to his girlfriend’s brother’s house to watch a movie with the girlfriend, the girlfriend’s brother, the girlfriend’s brother’s girlfriend, and the girlfriend’s brother’s girlfriend’s 2 yr old baby. (deep breath, didja get all that??)

He thinks just because he can’t go swimming with his buddies (ahem, the girlfriend will also be at the pool….peculiar, don’t you think???), that he should just be able to go with the girlfriend. He doesn’t understand ‘no’ where she’s concerned. He makes compromises, and deals not to be a brat during subsequent ‘no’ battles, but never follows through. Here are just 2 of the texts I’ve received—they are verbatim, so I take no responsibility for spelling, grammar, or content:

“I haven’t done anything in two days and im askin to do something on a rainy day…please?”

“Why do u even care! I am goin to be home alone all day…doing nothing…let me do something!”

He’s calling me every 5 minutes or so. I’m ignoring him. He doesn’t play nice.

Mr. Perfectly planted a flower garden yesterday. It’s so pretty. We have large flower boxes surrounding our house, but over the years, they’ve deteriorated and look TERRIBLE, and the Perfectly Budget doesn’t allow for major fix ups right now, so hopefully the pretty flowers will DETRACT some from the rotting wood and railroad ties that aspire to be flower boxes.

He also planted me some herbs and 2 sweet bell pepper plants in with my flowers. He planted jalapeno, habanero and another red chile at the OTHER end of the flower/herb/pepper garden for HIM. We’ve heard that if the plants cross pollinate, that my sweet bells could be SPICY…..

I got my eyelashes tinted and eyebrows waxed again this weekend. My girl, Kayla, wasn’t available, so they put me with Liz. While the tint was processing, instead of leaving me, Liz gave me a SCALP MASSAGE. Now, I’m freaky about massages. I get very tense and uncomfortable when getting them, but this….??? This was different. I found my hands tensing somewhat, but the sensation of the massage was too awesome to fret about. I had such a HORRIBLE headache on Friday, and it lingered on Saturday, and the massage on the scalp was like balm to a wound…….I want to go back just for the massage! She didn’t do as well as Kayla does on the lashes…but they are ok…..I’ll take it if I get the scalp massage each time!

Oh wait, here’s another text from the angst ridden 14 yr. old:


*SIGH** argumentative with poor grammar! What else could a mother ask for?

I’m sitting here eating Funyuns (I’ve been on a kick recently) and drinking V8 juice. I’m hoping the good of the V8 will some how counteract the bad of the funyuns. I’m guessing this is just fantasy on my part.

The tattoo situation isn’t resolved. I realized with HORRIFYING clarity that son #1 doesn’t want the cross w/ Angel wings that David Beckham has on his neck…he wants the huge, gaudy ANGEL that DB has sprawled all over his BACK……..YIKES!! It’s really too much….and too ornate to be able to be scaled down in size (which is what he’s banking on, I bet)………OY….I am at a loss for words. What happened to “MOM” in a heart on his upper arm or something? I ‘heart’ mom? Or his initials or SOMETHING not quite so big, and fancy, and angel-like? Or, like Mr. Perfectly quips….he could get the words “your name” tattooed on his butt so sometime when he’s out in a drunken brawl (yes, I’m sure it’ll happen), that he can yell to his opponent “I HAVE YOUR NAME TATTOOED ON MY ASS”, then he’ll be able to prove it…….hahahahaha.

That is typical Mr. Perfectly humor.

I really don’t have much to say—it was a quiet weekend, filled with too much eating, fretting over weather that didn’t happen, and drama filled teens.

I’m so glad to be at work!!

Happy Monday—I’m off to make a dent in the papers on my desk and wield a huge parental sword!!

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Advanced Parenting

“I couldn’t believe that the hospital let us take a baby home and we don’t even have a manual. How could they be so irresponsible? In time the manual wrote itself. What they never told you is that your child will write the manual, adding a few words every day. As a father my job was to support the author, edit the work when I could and hope that the book would be a best seller”

Bill Farrell (excerpt from “Things I Learned About My Dad (In Therapy)”)

What happens when you feel like the author is getting the manual ALL WRONG?
Son #1 is 17 and wants a tattoo. He wants to quit playing football (in his Senior year), his grades dropped, he is asserting his physical independence from us in a BIG way…….

The tattoo? Meh…I don’t know how I feel. I think he’s too young to make such a PERMANENT decision, but I’m not offended by them, and other than I just don’t WANT him to, there’s not much of a reason he can’t get one.

The football? It’s breaking my heart. Why? I don’t know? Because he’s not the clean cut little athlete anymore? I think that’s it. Tattoos? Grades? No sports? Is he REALLY clean cut anymore? Are there issues? He says there aren’t. He says he does NOT drink and does NOT do any drugs. He’s even agreed to take a drug screening to prove it….

I’m a mess over this……I just don’t know where to turn or what to think. I do not suspect drug use or drinking……but he certainly wants to be with his friends ALL THE TIME….he wants to be away from US all the time…..he is a young MAN, and not my kid anymore. And it’s killing me.

Oh, and he announced to me recently that he’s a Republican. A REPUBLICAN. He can’t tell me why he runs with that crowd, but that’s who he currently identifies with. This distresses me MORE than the tattoo!! I wonder if Bill O’Reilly has a tattoo hidden somewhere on his conservative body?

He hasn’t really broken any of our rules….he has lied to me about some things. Like tanning…he confessed (finally after weeks of staring at the top of his really brown butt) that yes, he’s been tanning. But if he’s lying about tanning, what about drinking? What about drugs?

Please, I hope he’s lying about being Republican.

I’m stuck in parenting hell, internet. I am so grateful that I don’t have a kid on drugs (hopefully) or that got a girl pregnant (hopefully) or that is mentally ill (hopefully)…I know some parents deal with things so far out of the realm of rebellion that it is scary, but for me in my little world, this is crisis du jour!

What do I do? How do I convince him that a tattoo of a cross with angel wings is NOT a good idea? That when his skin sags at 80, he may regret his decision? How can I get him to see that playing football HIS SENIOR YEAR may turn out to be a great experience and memory for him, and that hanging out with his friends won’t be a life altering thing? He’ll find NEW friends and lose track of these over time. He just doesn’t GET IT……….I keep trying to remember when I was 17—I didn’t’ get it either. I know the angst he’s feeling….I totally understand, but I’m on ‘the other side’ now….the side you get when suddenly you realize that you have another person to shield from all the bad stuff in the world. It made me SICK to realize my parents weren’t stupid, they weren’t out of touch. They were trying to mold me into a decent, loving human being without allowing me to KILL MYSELF in the process.

I’m guessing we’ll be going for a tattoo this weekend. I’m guessing I’ll be broken hearted more than this instance in his young life. I’m guessing that eventually he’ll see that I’m not a lunatic idiot with no understanding or vision of what he’s dealing with. I’ll be waiting for the time that he has a 17 year old that wants tattooed or whatever the ‘rage’ is then……..I’ll probably put on a sympathetic face and try to help him work through the issue. Inside, I’ll be LAUGHING MY ASS OFF.

Oh, and the short excerpt from the Bill Farrell essay I showed above? That for me is one paragraph of truth and deep meaning. It’s going to be my MANTRA for the time being……how insightful and inspiring. Thanks, Bill…I can’t wait to read the rest of your essay. The excerpt, though I realize not complete, is spot on!

Oh, and our computer is on the fritz……something with the fan, so I’ll be more sporadic in posting and commenting. I haven’t forgotten about any of you or lost interest…… access is just limited for now.