Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Resume

Hi.

I'm applying for the job of Crissy's Stalker---as she requested. I posted some job qualifications on her blog, but it's RUDE to take up THAT much space in someone's comments, so I thought I'd put my resume/qualifications on MY blog so she can make an informed decision.

Oh, I am quite flexible, so if by happenstance, you need a stalker in YOUR life, then give me a jingle......I'm sure I can fit more than one stalkeree in my life.

I am uniquely qualified to be your stalker, as I do this on a regular basis and have done so all my life. I am not a creepy stalker, or a stalker wanting to see you NEKKID, but one who only wants to have as MANY BFF's in her life as possible.

I am also qualified to be a Princess Stalker, as some of my attributes will show...I can be as Entitled and Princess-ish as the next stalker.

Like when I was a kid and ran after people to walk to school with me that I thought left me behind!

Like my ability to call your home, work and cell phones and send a text in mere SECONDS hoping to catch up with you do stuff, or to chat!

Like when I was in high school, and I drove by my then boyfriend's car a millionty times while he was out of town to just 'see' the car......

Like when I get my feelings hurt when you have plans with your FAMILY instead of me.

Like not needing speed-dial on old fashioned phones since my fingers can dial and redial numbers lightning fast!

My uncanny ability to remember phone numbers in general.

My uncanny ability to remember things you tell me, no matter how insignificant.

My uncanny ability to have hours long phone conversations about such riviting topics as Dogs and Teenagers.

My use of google to find shit out.

Like how I KNOW I shouldn't call back within 10 minutes after calling all your known numbers and texting you, but I do anyway, JUST IN CASE you may not have gotten my messages or noticed your missed calls.

Like my desire to just email you to see what you are doing....and have you respond.

and the biggest of all? I stalk MYSELF looking for return e-mails, and comments to my blog. I check my own e-mail like WAAAYYYY too often to see if you've communicated with me in some way....to see if my posts were witty and made you laugh, or if you think I'm insightful and intelligent!

Yes, I know. My mad skillz are enough to make the tens of you that read my blog RACING to have me be your own stalker. You all will be vying to be first in my e-mails and comments.

MelissaLion? I know you are just DYING to have me stalk YOU too........

I know it's amazing that a busy Wife, Mom and employee would have the TIME to acquire such an impressive list of stalker skills, but I multi task well, and have learned how to accomplish much while doing other tasks. Like checking my e-mail and Sitemeter!!

I'll be awaiting your applications!! I can't WAIT to see the traffic this awesome post brings to my site!!

Toodles for now!!

I appreciate your consideration

Oh, my references? I'll provide them upon request. They will be from Teenie, Jakki and Ph.D!!

11 comments:

Kristen said...

Okay. You get the job. I can't think of anyone more qualified than you.

Congratulations!

Perfectly Shelly said...

Yay me!!

Email me all your numbers (home, work and cell(s)---you can include Mister's for me to use in case you aren't answering any of your lines), and available email addresses, and your home address, for when I feel like sending you something...........I'll need Girlfriend's sizes and a list of your families likes and dislikes....it's a good way to start being a BFF...so I don't out and out offend anyone.......Oh, and I know you already are an early riser, but I'll need to know how early and how late you take calls. I do respect SOME boundaries....sheesh......

Hey, thanks new BFF!!! Can't wait to start stalking!!

And the BEST part is I may catch sight of Stoogie as HE stalks you......you know, I like to know as MUCH about my friends as possible, so I'm DYING to know what he looks like and how HOT he really is......you know, Dingo said so....so it must be true!!

melissalion said...

Wait, I was going to say Shelly had the position of my stalker.

Huh.

Perfectly Shelly said...

Now Now......there's PLENTY of PerfectlyStalker to go around!!

I mean PerfectlyShelly..........my bad!!

Oh and MelissaLion? Ditto on all the personal info I'll need. Insert info on Arch..........not girlfriend.........

Daisee579 said...

I came over here from Crissy's page and I must say you crack me up! I swear, reading your resume about how you're a good stalker and all, it sounds like you could be writing MY resume. So now I must stalk YOU to see if you're somehow my long lost twin who was adopted by a much cooler family and who will now become my bestest friend ever.

Perfectly Shelly said...

Daisee--you had me at 'long lost twin'.

Stalk away, baby!! I must confess, I've never been stalked, only the stalker. I CAN'T WAIT.

Daisee579 said...

So I totally waited an entire hour before checking to see if you'd read my comment yet. It was all I could do to wait the hour, too. I'm pathetic!!

Perfectly Shelly said...

Well....you did better than ME!! I moderate comments, so I check my email (personal, not work) literally dozens of times a day to see if I have COMMENTS. Or friendly e-mails......

I'm such a comment whore.......

stoogepie said...

Hi!!!

I am such a great stalker that you will never see me stalking Crissy.

In fact, I may even be stalking you....

Perfectly Shelly said...

STOOGIE!!!! I MISSED YOU!!!!!

I was HOPING you were stalking. Hmmm.....Kohl's for shopping and somewhere for dinner tonight.

I'll look for the hot mysterious guy!!!!

Helmey said...

you got my vote...