Friday, August 1, 2008

Spittle

Ok. I admit. I have issues with things MOUTH related. I don’t do spit, or loogies, or loose teeth. Toothpaste spit GROSSES me out, and must be spat ONLY in the bathroom sink. No kitchen brushing in the Perfectly House.

Therefore, I am totally skeeved by one of the bands playing at our local county fair tonight. They are called Saliva. SALIVA, people…….S A L I V A. They even have a website.

Now, I realize our county fair isn’t a big deal. That up and comers or oldies (such as Blue Oyster Cult) are frequent players at county fairs. It’s a rite of passage for new groups to ‘headline’ at the local fair. But look at their photo………..just look. I can’t see a bunch of redneck boys coming to the fair looking forward to the BEER GARDEN going to see these Saliva fellows.

Apparently Saliva has been in existence since 1996. They, according to their website, have singles. And a record deal. If that is the case, then WHY are they at a po-dunk local fair?

Saliva. Gross. I won’t be able to quit thinking about it the rest of the day. Shudder.

Although, Def Leppard did make an appearance a couple of years ago at our Fair. Now, being the 80’s girl that I am, I must say, that did excite me. Although, I didn’t venture out into the oppressive August heat of Missouri to see them. Besides, it wouldn’t be the SAME if all the original gang weren’t playing………is the drummer still the One-Armed guy? And, I’m not sure if “Pour Some Sugar On Me”would be quite the same at the dusty fair, butting up against the Cattle Barn. “POUR Some SUGAR On Meeeeeeee (Moooooooo), come on and FRY me up (MOOOOOOOOO)”.

We are supposed to experience record heat this weekend and Monday. I sort of want to go to the fair. I haven’t gone for YEARS, and it seems kind of nostalgic and fun. But it will be so HOTTTTT. I absolutely HATE to be hot. Or sweaty. Actually, I guess I don’t care about being hot, but I hate to sweat. HATE IT. I can’t express enough how much I HATE TO SWEAT.

Well, I guess that’s about it for now. I’m going to call QVC right now to pay for my bra. I couldn’t steal from them. I fear KARMA in the worst way.

Have an awesome weekend!

5 comments:

Dingo said...

Does this mean that you wipe the phone before you use it or do you just hold it three feet away from you and yell into it like a 90-year old lady with a faulty hearing aid?

Kristen said...

It could be worse.

My husband is in a band called Seaman.

Perfectly Shelly said...

Dingo--I try very hard not to think about telephones and the wet breath breathing into the handset. The only time I get really weird about it is when someone is puking.....then I wipe EVERYTHING including the phone and remote with bleach water.

Kristen--Holy Hell....that made me laugh. At least Seaman is FUNNY.....Saliva is just GROSS. Makes me shudder.

Lynne said...

Saliva is disgusting. That's why I can't watch baseball - too much spitting! I always yell at my sons when they spit. I agree about the puking too, I don't want to be near anyone or anything that involves puke.

stoogepie said...

Saliva is your friend. Saliva is very useful when you forget to buy hair gel. Or lube.

I think Saliva is a swell name for a band. Sure, it's not as cool as Drool, or Slobber, or Phlegm. I would go see a band named Drool or Slobber or Phlegm anywhere. I would be a groupie.

I am fond of Ken's band, Semen, as well.

Puke, Vomit, and Hurl would also make good names for a band.

Also, you've got all these mouth issues and then you hate to sweat, too? Sweating if nature's way of telling you that you have too many clothes on. Unless you're already naked, in which case it is nature's way of telling you that you are doing something righteous.

I am really disappointed about the whole QVC thing. When good kharma is worth thirty bucks, QVC will bottle it and sell it for $19.95 if you order in the next two minutes. Until then, you're just throwing money away by paying for stuff.

Wait! Are you sure we are supposed to spit toothpaste out?!?