Wednesday, August 13, 2008

I wasn't going to post today

because I was pouting. It's been a bad couple of days. I feel ANXIETY and I'm mad at the stupid STUPID people who comment in our local paper.....I didn't sleep well, and I had to go to the doctor for a physical. A PHYSICAL, PEOPLE. I don't WANT to know if my cholesterol is high......or whatever..........I want to magically get thin, have my boobs be perky and live forever......is THAT SO MUCH TO ASK? HUH?

But then I watched this stripper video. I couldn't watch it at work....stupid filters.....so I saved it for home. It INSPIRED me to feel happy again!! That and my doctor said my cholesterol was down, and he'd give me a little pill for the anxiety........I asked for Xanex, and he said no. PPPFFFHHHHHHT (that was a tongue raspberry in case y'all didn't get that). I got Buspar again. I got 30 of those suckers a year and a half ago when my grandma was dying of Cancer and we spent Christmas with her, and I was tense and anxious. I still have one left....one precious Buspar (that's not as good as xanex), and the Doctor thought that maybe it was stale by now, and gave me 30 MORE. I guess he figured if I'd only taken 29 in the last year and a half, the likelihood of me gulping these down in one shot are slim to none.

Now I kinda want to do a fat girls version of the stripper video......Chrissy did you check that out at the library? Do you think MY library will have it in po-dunk Missouri? If not, will you send it to me so I can borrow it? My husband would KILL me if I spent money on a video that I was only going to use to be funny on the internet, and not for HIS benefit..........Hey...I think I may have a Sweatin to the Oldies video around here somewhere........It even uses PROPS......canned goods for arm weights. Why would Richard Simmons have people lift FOOD for exercise? Isn't lifting food ALREADY WHY WE ARE USING THE VIDEO? Wow...betcha didn't know I could be so thought provoking, huh?

But then I think...is fat funny? Will Perfectly teetering around in clogs and plus size stretch wear be interesting? Even if I am holding a jelly jar full of wine? I asked the Doctor lots of questions today about moles and peeing, but I didn't think to ask about fat stripper dancing. HMMMMMM......

Okay, kids. I'm off to the 9th grade open house. I'll have to go play nice with all the "perfect" moms that showered and dressed for the occasion before the open house. I am wearing what I wore to work, and I'll stick a kleenex in my pocket, since my allergies are sort of acting up. I bet more than not will have on sandal/heels, capri's and a cute summery twin-set with sparkles everywhere.........ha...they don't KNOW that I'm addicted to QVC...and I know that necklace is DIAMONIQUE.....because I have one JUST EFFING LIKE IT.

Sorry if I sound bitter.........

Instead of paying attention to my sons teachers, I'll be thinking of fat fun video ideas..........just wait...I'll give Crissy a run for her money. Ken, my husband takes pictures too....we don't have a video camera so that may be a problem, but we can maybe do a flip book for the 'action' shots.

Toodles!!!

4 comments:

Kristen said...

Oh! You should absolutely do it! It would be great. I love the jelly jar full of wine idea too...

You are too funny!

I got my copy from the internet, but you can probably get it through Netflix. My friend Rachel got it at either Hollywood video or blockbuster. I have a hold on it from the library, but I doubt I'll ever get it.

PS: I'm really glad I made you laugh. That's why I make an ass of myself on the Internet. It brings people happiness.

Thanks for the love!

Dingo said...

If Crissy sends you the stripper video will you have enough time to learn the moves before the parent/child talent show? What? Your school doesn't have such a thing? Well, I think you need to remedy that right away. You will show those "perfect" moms a thing or two. Perfection is balancing a jelly jar of wine in stilettos while pole dancing and not missing one dang-gone drop. You can do it! I know you can!

stoogepie said...

Do it!

Do you have netflix? If not, I can probably steal you a copy through the internet. Did I just post that publicly? Well, WTF. I can.

ken said...

i actually filmed that video with a still camera, a sony dsc-v1, that has a video mode.

it's 15fps and relatively low res but it saves a lot of time from having to upload from mini-dv or some other format. it saves right on a memory card in MPG format.