Tuesday, July 22, 2008

What is up with people?

Why do I get stuck on the CRAZY TRAIN? Huh? WHY ME?

I seem to get myself caught up in weird medical scenarios. No--no kitchen table surgeries, but I have friends and family who NEED ME to accompany them to various medical professionals. It's nice to be needed and all, but whooooo-eeeeee. Sometimes I get really weirded out.

Like the time Jakki, who is deathly afraid of dentists needed an emergency dental visit. She found an ad IN THE YELLOW PAGES for a 'pain free' dentist. Our first clue should have been that she held evening office hours. Yeah, like at night. We went into the office, and one lone voice said "be right there' and out comes who we lovingly referred to as "Amazon Woman" She took us back, and INSISTED by physically pulling up a chair into the doorway of her work space that I sit with them. She chatted all through Jakki's procedure (which was indeed, pain free) about how OSHA standards were unreasonable and she couldn't use laughing gas, about her stint in the Military, and how horribly OB/GYN doctors treated women on the base. How she obtained her Nursing degree, YADA YADA YADA. She had Jakki laid out in the chair, ASKING HER QUESTIONS with her mouth numbed and stuff in it. At some point in the monologue, she mentioned it was so nice that I came to the dentist with a scared friend and how she'd like to 'borrow' me, since she needed a friend to accompany her to OREGON for a procedure that the doctors here said she didn't need. I was NOT about to a) ask what type of procedure or b) offer my services. She did a great job on whatever Jakki was having done, but I nearly had to leave for fear of bursting out laughing--Jakki's eyes were darting around wildly, and this CRAZY, AMAZON, MILITARY, NURSE, NEEDS MEDICAL PROCEDURE woman was practicing her own MANIFESTO with us as her audience. Amazon woman had on a horrible floral skirt, and a ruffly button up top---sensible shoes and was about 6 feet tall. She was SOME kind of an ugly woman. And I dont' like to judge---despite what I may say. It was like we were being Punk'd or something. SERIOUSLY.

Ok, and before you more worldly people out there shoot your hand up in the air and in a Horseshack sort of way shout out "OH, OH, OH, I KNOW".....YYYEEEESSSS. After some time passed, we finally realized (with a little sleuthing and research), that she was Transgendered. Apparently, her stint in the service was as a MAN. Not sure when she began her dental career. Before nursing? AFter nursing? And NO WONDER she had a difficult time with her gynecologist!! Not that I have a problem with Transgendered people. Or Gay/Lesbian people. It was just sort of one of those surreal experiences that one never forgets.

Oh, speaking of Transgendered individuals....theres a girl who works in our office building that is transitioning from he to she. I ran into her today and she called me 'Sunshine'. Again, no disrespect meant, but is that a come on? Being sweet? What? I just filed it away under 'Awkward'. This girl and Jakki are fine friends. Jakki, who tries not to judge either, somehow attracts people like honey does flies. This person met me via Jakki....so now, I'm friends with her/him by association, I guess. She's nice enough.......and I know she takes alot of crap from people around here in these conservative parts, and that makes me feel bad, but she really needs some fashion advice. I'm certainly not one to give it, so if anyone has experience with this sort of thing, let me know. Because she, too, isn't the most attractive woman I've seen. She especially needs help with hygiene, how to carry a purse and how to walk in something other than tennis shoes. I'm accepting resumes for the job.

And then there was the time that Teenie and I nearly got kicked out of the operation holding area for being too giggly. She had to have a procedure done and I went with her to hold her hand, drive her, etc.....Doogie Howser walks in and that was it. She had a pretty shiny shower cap that she asked to keep for her scrapbook. I think they were glad to see us go.

And today, I took my niece, Heather to the doctor, and once again WEIRD. As Roseann Barr herself entered the room, we got to hear about men, and how the ankle brace she was giving Heather was so easy even a 'man' could use it. She mentioned how women don't really NEED men these days, even for sex. She referred to Heather as a klutz, and we heard the nursing staff discussing ANAL MEDS (not for Heather) in the hallway. Ummmm....TOO MUCH INFORMATION to be shared in the hallway of a public doctors office? Maybe?

Oh, and at the risk of "The lady doth protest too much", I really REALLY don't take issue with lifestyles mentioned in this blog. If you want, have had or are in the process of a sex change......that is okay by me. But because of the awkwardness of some things, it just makes folks comment sometimes......no harm, no foul, I guess. I was just bringing forth observations..........

Okay, we got the best buy gift card today. We are wrestling with what to do with it?

What is your vote? HONESTLY...

1) add to our computer as originally thought;
2) Mr. Perfectly get a fancy schmancy SLR camera with multiple lenses (since he ADORES photography);
3) a 37 inch flat screen new fangled tee-vee (since I ADORE tv);
4) a washer/dryer. this hasn't been discussed with Mr. PErfectly, I'm just throwing it in there since they sell appliances as well.

Hurry, Mr. Perfectly may not be able to wait to hear what y'all think, and go on and blow it on something........



stoogepie said...

What I want to know is what kind of "sleuthing and research" you did to find out the dentist was transgendered? Did it involve some sort of peeping tom activity?

You have to admire transgendered folks. Talk about a makeover! I worry when I get a haircut. Imagine if I went to the barber and said, "Oh, give me some boobs and just take a razor to my groin. I'm tired of that thang hanging there."

I have no advice for your friend about hygiene, how to carry a purse, or how to walk in anything other than tennis shoes. These sound like typical problems that any dude would have if he became a woman.

I had not heard about anal meds and now I am fascinated. Some people have a hard time swallowing pills. Asspirin or Tylanal might be just what they need. Please tell us more.

I vote for the fancy schmancy SLR camera. The main problem with the TV or the washer/dryer is that I don't get anything out of that deal. So I won't vote for them. See, if you get a computer or an SLR, I will benefit, either because your computer makes it easier for you to post or because Mr. Perfectly takes pictures you can post.

So, you have a working computer, right? You can buy a new tuner card for next to nothing if you want (and that solves your TV problem, too). That leaves the SLR. If you get an SLR, Mr. Perfectly can take lots of pictures for your blog or he can even start his own blog, thereby multiplying my entertainment options. So I vote for the SLR. Besides, if Mr. Perfectly loves photography, he should have a kickass camera. Just as I think that ten years down the road you will not be sorry that you spent so much time writing and sharing yourself with the world (which we thank you for), ten years down the road, you will not be sorry that Mr. Perfectly spent so much time taking pictures that never fade away.

Perfectly Shelly said...

No peeping tom.....we just googled her and found where she was mentioned as a hair removal tech (added to her list of accomplishments) for the trangendered community. We just put 2 and 2 together........

Oh, Stoogie. Mr. Perfectly was blogging before blogs were in fashion. He's got a bazillion.......technical blogs, photo blogs (see my blogroll), family blogs, and I'm sure many more I don't know exist. He takes oodles of sports photos for the kids and has a blog for each of their sporting activities. He takes tens of thousands of photos a year, and he's on his 3rd really nice (not slr) camera......

I figured he'd be at best buy last night, but he's trying to decide what he wants to do. He's the techno geek in the house, so it's his 900 to spend.

Mr. Perfectly said...

My blog is not as interesting, but nonetheless I do have a blog. The main one is with blogger.

Simply thoughts, ramblings, etc.
Blogger since 2002

JC Sports - my main sports blog, which may have less on it this year as I probably won't be traveling across the state and elsewhere to varsity games, since son #1 won't be playing. I may still make it to home games and will be at son #2's Freshmen games.

LC Sports - this one has become defunct as son #2 is out of middle school.

A Visual Life - defunct photoblog

Pics.aminus3.com - current photoblog.

I had a moblog at one time too.

Mr. Perfectly aka Bonj

Kristen said...

stoogepie-asspirin or tylanal. Ha, ha, ha!

Shelly- you should get the tee-vee. Or the washer dryer. Everyone can benefit from those.

Dingo said...

Shelly, you should give the gift certificate to someone needy. I am needy. Send it to me.

One important advice tip for anyone, male or female, male-to-female, female-to-male (you get the idea) is waxing. I can't emphasize this enough. Wax, wax, wax. And I don't mean Pledge.