Thursday, July 10, 2008

Big Girls DO Cry.

I believe I’ve mentioned on here….oh….eleventy million times that I’m of the LARGER persuasion…….you know, a ‘big’ girl. I don’t like to walk very far to my office---and yes, for any of you that care, SOMETIMES, I am one of ‘those’ people who cruise in Wal-Mart parking lot for a ‘good’ spot. I try not to be like that, because a little walk won’t hurt me a bit, but SOMETIMES I just can’t help it.

Over the last few months, I’ve been arriving to work LATER AND LATER and the parking in what I call the ‘good lot’ is down to the metered spots. Rather than park in a further lot, and walk, and get a few minutes of much needed exercise, I often pay a meter with lovingly HOARDED quarters. I feel guilty, and beat myself up, but in the heat or ice cold of the day (after work), I’m usually SO happy I can get to my car in short order and GO HOME. Mind you, I work in a State Government office building that can house maybe 2500 employees… parking is ALWAYS an issue. When the legislature is in session, it’s even MORE of an issue. I’ve noticed a trend over the last couple of years that I hadn’t noticed before in my 20 years working in the SAME BUILDING. There are people who appear to purposefully arrive quite EARLY, while there are still free spots available in the ‘good lot’ and they partially block the driving lanes, laying in wait for the various night shifts to come out so they can take the VERY best, PRIME, free spots. They even go so far as to identify the VEHICLE of said employees and butt up behind the empty car waiting for the employees to leave. It’s SICK. You can visibly see these poor night people dreading the frenzy of activity as they exit the building. They often display passive aggressive behavior by sitting for long periods of time in their cars waiting for it to warm up or cool off. They light a cigarette, or apply lip products. Carefully put their seat belt on, make a call or two, and FINALLY move on. The parking lot STALKERS patiently wait for their prized place. Even though there are metered spaces literally ONE SPOT OVER, and free ones were available during their wait that are 4 rows back. Rows. Not a huge hike, even for the larger set. It’s not even across a busy street….or in the furthest lot….when they arrive to stalk these very few prized places, there are AMPLE free spots available within 50 yards of where they choose to park.

I do not understand this phenomenon. I am ashamed to say, that I’ve noticed that all the stalkers are women, and if I must be frank, some are ‘big girls’ too. It’s not a justice to the stereotypes of large people to have these folks arrive incredibly early JUST TO GET A CLOSER SPOT in the parking lot. Closer by 50 yards…….150 FEET (I’m guessing…I’m no engineer here). Now, granted, I will often pay for a close spot. I know I should walk…so, you ask, why am I so much better than the pond scum STALKERS? Because my goal in life is for MY LIFE TO BE EASY, and I may have to pay for that privilege. I do not stalk others and make them uncomfortable while I breathe antifreeze on their tail ends waiting for them to leave. It’s like these stalkers make a huge, neon display sign saying “LAZINESS AND ENTITLEMENT………RIGHT HERE……I DESERVE TO PARK CLOSE AND DROP MY CIGARETTE LITTER ON THE GROUND RATHER THAN TAKE THE EXTRA TWO STEPS OVER TO THE ASHTRAY PROVIDED FOR ME”.

So, anyway, day before yesterday, Jakki saw one of the regular spot stalkers partially blocking the driving lane, with her CAR RUNNING (what a waste of gas, and pollution added to the world). She saw a second person pull into a metered spot and park. As the 2nd driver began to exit her vehicle, she realized the night crew was coming out. She hurried back into her vehicle and pulled up partially into a coveted spot. The Stalker also pulled in partially to the SAME spot. They exchanged heated words, vehicles nose to nose. The big Stalker girl hefted herself OUT OF HER VAN to confront the meter girl. Jakki heard her say something like “ I’ve been WAITING, I can’t help it if you didn’t see me waiting for the spot”. Jakki said she started paying attention in case she needed to duck, as she was in the line of fire if guns were drawn J. After several tense moments, the meter girl sped off into reverse, and by then someone else had taken her previous meter spot (that she may have even fed money into) and had to find a second metered spot. Jakki got out of her car to come in the building, and noticed the meter girl KNEELING on the ground, next to the car, with her hands up, resting on the car and head bowed. BOWED. Jakki thinks she needed a moment of prayer not to kick the ASS of the Stalker that bullied her into moving.

All this drama over a parking spot. ONE lone spot. This same Stalker waits every morning for a spot….it’s sick. Especially when there are available spots that are not metered just a few feet away. I try to own my laziness and take responsibility for the fact that I actually pay for parking when further away (in another lot) there are free spots.

I’ve been trying to arrive to work a few minutes earlier so I can once again, just park in the good lot in a free spot. Tuesday, and Wednesday, I pulled into our lot, just as the night crew was getting into their cars. The good spot guy pulled out just as I pulled in the lot (by a random chance), and I TOOK THAT SPOT legitimately from the stalker. I wanted to shake my smaller big booty by her van singing “NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH…I got the spot…….and you didn’t…….and I didn’t have to embarrass myself STALKING others for it”.

Childish, right? Right. But OHHH, SO vindicating.

Oh, progress is being made (baby steps in progress, but progress nonetheless) on the Geek Squad front. We’ll either be getting a new tower, or our old one should be overnighted back to us in a day or so. I’ll keep you updated.

Yours Truly,

I may be fat, but I’m not as fat as the parking lot stalker!!


Dingo said...

Oh Shelly, Shelly, Shelly....Park in the free parking. Save those quarters. Send them to me. You help yourself, the environment, and you contribute to my retirement plan. You can go to bed at night knowing you have done your part for the world (and me).

Perfectly Shelly said...

Dingo, I managed to go an entire week without paying for parking and I still parked in the 'good lot'. That shows you what leaving 10 minutes early will do.

My change holder is BURSTING with quarters, which makes me feel secure, so it's all good......

sorry about not contributing to your retirement.....