First off, I’d like to thank God. And my parents. And my fabulous children….oh yeah, and Mr. Perfectly.

I HAVE FANS. Yes, I do! Someone out there in the internet world MISSES me. Woo Hoo….it’ll be a 2 GLASS OF WINE night tonight!

I have so much, yet so little to say. So, I’ll get right to it.

Has anyone noticed that ‘peach flavored’ stuff has a cat pee presence to it? Yeah, I’m drinking a peach/mango bottled juice drink, and keep thinking Joe peed on something of mine (I was hoping it was my purse so I could get another).

Yesterday, we went to have brake work done on our vehicle (a 2002 Ford explorer). We took it to a smaller community 15 miles from us. And folks, if you ever need something done go to NATHANS in California, MO. I got the rear brakes replaced, the rotors turned (what the hell are rotors??), an alignment and an oil change…………..all to the tune of……drummroll, please……………..$144.58. I nearly fell out of my chair. Local places start at $110.00 or so per axle for brakes……….. I am so IN LOVE with NATHAN’S, I can’t see straight.

My baby graduates from 8th grade tomorrow. We get to go sit in a HOT gym with 350 pubescent 14 year olds (oh, the sweaty STINK). Half of which are girls in their spring finery---and the boys in their slouchy khaki’s cussing their moms for making them wear a polo…….A really funny story about my baby----yesterday a gal at work was browsing through her niece’s yearbook. My boss was flipping through it and they were laughing at the girl’s remarks left over MANY photos…….lots of them not so nice (Lezbo, run for your life, skank, ) and other things like (Susie’s boyfriend…..bff……REAL BFF, etc) and over my son’s 8th grade photo, in the yearbook was this……”HOT”. So apparently my son is a hottie….this girl isn’t the first stranger I’ve heard thru the grapevine that thinks he’s ‘HOT’

My 17 yr old son is dealing with teenage angst of not getting his way in life JUST BECAUSE. OMG, he’s so much like me it’s scary! He ‘lost’ his track hoodie….and his coach has been on him to bring it in or pay for it…He’s all indignant……and uppity, and feels like coach doesn’t give him ‘credit’…..Sigh…..

We are going for an outing on Saturday---8 people in a van. 8…..I’ll let that all sink in……8. We are driving 3 hours to go grave visiting, see my brother…then drive back to a cousin’s house for a party. It will be a lot of fun, but the old insecurities rear their ugly head…….My cousins are young, and very cute and very perfect---I’m sure that they AREN’T but they seem so………and I feel like the fat outsider that they just tolerate on family events. I end up being all earnest and chatty, and feel like I’m a creepy stalker or something……..eeeeekkkkk. I keep shopping for that ONE cute item that will make me fit in……..and alas, nothing that I buy makes me look like the picture I have of myself in MY HEAD. The one with no imperfections, and that can boldly carry off cute shoes (my fat feet hang off the sides), a large tote/purse with ALL the right stuff tucked inside (not pads, 27 free pens and hand sanitizer), a cute swingy top (that makes me look fat and My ARMS…oh the arms), some cute Bahama type long-ish shorts….(but the pasty white legs…….eeek) HELP ME INTERNET….I do not want to be the elastic jean short…appliqué t-shirt wearing crazy cousin!

Oh and right now, this very moment, I’m eating FUNYUNS. I’ve had coffee, too, so come on over and let me whisper sweet FUNYUNS in your ear…..I should have waited and tortured the parents around me in the smelly gym tomorrow!!

And thanks Kristin for missing me. That makes up for not making out with you in return for my vodka drink recipe!!!