Friday, May 23, 2008

Midlife Crisis

I did it. I went spray tanning. Why, Internet, do I let myself DO THESE THINGS?

After worrying about larger people and spray tans, I jumped in with both feet and went to a salon where PEOPLE don't apply the spray--you just stand in a booth and get sprayed by a shower like machine It didn't work TOO bad, really...I have some orange on my hands and wrists and feet---which in and of itself would be livable....but the fact that I have tanning solution on the front and back of my legs BUT NOT ON THE SIDES seems a bit problematic. I wanted to wear cute bermuda-ish shorts and a fun bohemian top to show up the cute cousins. NOW WHAT?

I'll be calling around to salons to see what the best course of action will be....otherwise, I'll be cute in an undercooked meat sort of way....seared on the top and bottom with the sides left yukky.

Mr. Perfectly WARNED me after the eyebrow incident that maybe I'd want to WAIT until we weren't doing something particularly special to try this venture....I was all "what could it DO?"....a mild spray tan? I went into the room, and applied the 'barrier' cream to my hands and feet..I was totally NAKED and in this booth...I had the foresight to lift up the 'girls' so some spray would get under there (not that anyone sees my belly where my unrestrained boobs lay). I got out and forgot to 'blot' instead of 'wipe' with the minuscule towel I was given......but the girl said it wouldn't matter. I think it may have......

I can't be upset....I knew going into this, that there was a risk of failure, but what is it with the midlife crisis I'm having? I've gotten nails done......eyelashes tinted, brows waxed (then shaved off) and brows fixed....I've had a pedicure.....I want cute shoes......THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME. I've never particularly cared about my appearance. Clean and clothes that match are about all I ever do...I like makeup and use it, but sensible shoes, pants and a matching top have ALWAYS done the job......WHY NOW, AT 42 DO I THINK BOHEMIAN is the way to go? Tanned and bohemian?

Son #1's best friends mother works at a tanning salon. I'll be giving her a call today to find out if we can fix the undercooked sides of my legs, at least. I'll live with the orange on my wrists and the wrinkles in my knuckles being white...I'ts a badge of failure, but DAMMIT..I want to look cute in those shorts and shoes.

**SIGH**

I had a dream last night that Scott Baio was giving me advice on my sex life. Why Scott Baio? Probably because he has a PERPETUAL TAN.........or maybe since Scott Baio is 46 and PREGNANT...and I'm only 42, I feel like he has a leg up on me or something.

I'm open to suggestions. I've already perused the internet to find how to REMOVE spray tans, and apparently it is not that easy. Baking Soda is the most common thing...so I guess I'll go buy an industrial sized box and have at it tonight.

I'll let you know what the tanning salon says, if they don't LAUGH me off the phone.

Toodles for now.

4 comments:

Lynne said...

First, where you have tan and don't want it, take a Mr. Clean sponge and wipe it off. It should work. Then, get your own self-tanner and fill in the areas not tanned. That's my advice. I had a similar problem-husband tanned before our vacation and was BLACK while my skin was practically transparent. I solved by going to a tanning salon, which I vowed I'd never do. oh well. Good luck!

Shamelessly Sassy said...

I've been spray tanned before. Guilty as charge. Seriously. But I spray tanned by a person, and it was incredibly awkward. haha. :) PS. This is my first time stopping by, but your blog is lovely!

Whiskeymarie said...

Gah, I've considered getting one of these on various occasions as I am whiter than white.
Really, really glad I didn't.

But, once before spray tans existed, I got a gift certificate for a salt rubdown & hand-applied self-tanner from some friends. If you think having someone spray you down is uncomfortable, have someone rub every inch of you with a scrub, then have that same person rub you down with lotion. All while wearing a non-existent paper thong.
Un. Com. For. Ta. Ble.

Perfectly Shelly said...

Lynn--I used baking soda....too chicken to get out Mr. Clean!

Shameless--Thank you...glad you liked the blog!

Whiskey--You've got me beat by a mile. Nobody had their hands on me THANK GOD.........