Vagina Bread

I skipped out on Son #2's track meet due to rain (and the fact I didn't want to stand in it) and opted instead for a 2:00 lunch with Teenie. And let me tell you, as is the norm, it was certainly entertaining.

We went to a local cafe that is relatively new called 'The Daily Grind Cafe'. It's a coffee/wine bar. Yeah....kind of weird, but it seems to work. It's a cute little place that has wireless internet access as well as 3 or 4 computers for patrons to use while having that cup-a-joe.....or wine.........he's got a small, but nice menu, that varies from breakfast items, sandwich-ish stuff, to crab cakes and an AWESOME homemade macaroni and cheese. He's got 3 varieties of Mac-n-Cheese...Teenie and I decided to share an order of crab cakes, and Mac-n-Cheese. We each ordered a glass of Vignoles from a Missouri winery (probably Stone Hill, but I can't be certain), and began the wait for the Mac-n-Cheese, which takes a while.....while we visited, the owner kept coming to talk to us. He was a grungy guy in Pajama bottoms, t-shirt and a Nike baseball hat. He apologized for being 'covered in flour', and proceeded to tell us about his baking---he was making a mushroom/bleu cheese bread, and oatmeal/honey bread and goat cheese/balsamic. What unusual, yet PLEASING combinations!! We got to hear about him making the mushroom bread the day before and patrons going WILD for it, so he thought he'd try out some other varieties to see if they went over. He left, brought us our food---which was QUITE good....the crab cakes were too spicy for my taste, but I'm a spicy wuss, so I'm not a good judge....they TASTED awesome, though....we did ask for water as it may have been inappropriate to GUZZLE the wine to ease the spice....and the Mac-n-Cheese? Holy Crap was it good. His menu title for it was "not your mama's mac-n-cheese" and let me tell you...there was no orange powder here......it was creamy, and with a mild garlic flavor----the cheese blend was awesome.....very TRENDY for our neck of the woods where people were raised on the 'BLUE BOX'

He kept visiting with us, especially about the bread. He mentioned that we could have a sample, and we were all like "okay...cool...we LOVE bread" not knowing that he hadn't even put it in the OVEN yet......he told us that he braids it, and makes the top thicker and the bottom narrower....he said he'd ordered some Cabernet powder made from the skins of Cabernet grapes, and was going to try THAT in bread when it came in.....well.....that sounded pretty awesome to us, and we expressed our interest in that idea, and he went so far as to say his FIRST Cabernet powder project was going to be (hold your hats, folks) a Cabernet Chocolate muffin...............I'll let it sink in a sec....a CABERNET CHOCOLATE MUFFIN.......can we hear a collective 'Hell Yeah'? We joked with him telling him at Teenie's birthday in May, we'd be in with the girls to start our day with THAT muffin and some wine....he tootled off to the kitchen after taking the order of another late day patron, needing to web surf......and as we were nearly done with our AWESOME Mac-n-Cheese, he came with the news that the bread was in the oven. Huh?? It's like 3:00 by now......how the heck long does it take bread to BAKE? At my house it takes those frozen things at least 15 -20 minutes and they are already COOKED........so we try to slowly finish our lunch.

Some time later, (but not as long as I thought it SHOULD have taken), I saw him pulling something brown from the oven.......BREAD....WOO HOO......I nod my head towards the kitchen and mumble to Tina "he's taking the bread out" and she's all like..."really? Already?" So we happily awaited our taste. He comes out and chats with the other patron about how fresh and tender the greens for her salad are, and they talk gardening, and stuff...as we sit there, no check, and more importantly, NO BREAD samples. He comes by to offer us another glass of wine, which we decline, since it is, after all, only mid-afternoon.

He leaves us and promptly comes back with a cooling rack, a hot pad and BREAD. He PROUDLY shows off his braided wonder.......which is long, thick at the top, and narrower at the end. Teenie promptly pipes up "It looks a little phallic". He laughed, and said that yes, he could see that and he'd cut some after it 'firmed up'...then he got embarrassed and we, of course, were giggling.......so he tried to backpedal, but it was too late....the words couldn't be taken back. He took the bread back to cool and showed us some little dishes that were shaped like beans....he said something about soup bowls, and explained that he'd ordered some just like it only BIGGER. Teenie told him "good, otherwise, that would be a SMALL bowl of soup'..and we continued to laugh...sort of...wondering where our check was and if we REALLY were going to taste the bread. He leaves with the bean bowl, and returns with two samples of his hot, oatmeal/honey bread. It looked BEAUTIFUL...with swirls in it....it was very salty. Hmmmm...we were expecting sweet......ahhhh, there's the sweet at the end. The salt was a little much, but there were spices and honey rolled all in it..I personally thought it was quite good....Teenie very honestly told Mr. Pajama bottom that she thought the bread was too salty and it reminded her of a pretzel. He seemed a little down about the fact that she didn't LOVE the bread. He told us again about the mushroom/bleu cheese bread and how he was deglazing balsamic vinegar at that moment to make the goat cheese/balsamic bread.

Teenie pipes up..."are you going to make it into the shape of a VAGINA??" The salad eating, web surfing patron nearly pulled a muscle turning her head to look at us........I nearly died. Here's this poor man HAPPILY discussing his food and bread, and he's reduced to Penises and Vagina's. Luckily, he took it all in stride, and told us off color stories about former kitchen help.

I'm ready to go back for dessert!! Not so sure he's ready for us, though.