Copycat

I'm taking liberty with an idea that began with Lawyerish. She wanted to discuss the 'things' we didn't like about ourselves physically. Since I've been on a major downer about my physical 'things', I thought I'd change it up a bit.....and be a downer about EMOTIONAL 'things'.

What are 'things'? Things we don't particularly care for in ourselves...or that we percieve OTHERS not liking in us. We've all got them. And as Lawyerish pointed out so poignantly, I would probably NEVER notice your 'thing'--we are pretty wrapped up in our own 'things' and we worry that our 'things' are like NEON signs on our forehead announcing our so-called downfalls to everyone that bothers to look our way.

So, what are my 'things'? I've got alot, but I'll try to pare it down so I don't scare people off as being wayyyy too needy (um, if I haven't already, that is). I feel that I am too 'earnest' in wanting to be friends. I feel like sometimes I deserve to be given special treatment....just because. I feel like people don't like me right away. I feel like I slack (and try to hide it) alot when I shouldn't. I talk too much. I worry about things I can't control (that's a biggie).

**DEEEEPP CLEANSING BREATH*** Now, doesn't that feel better? (nervous giggle) not really---Mr. Perfectly and Perfectly's Dad think I reveal too much. That I should keep EVERYTHING close to the vest. That NOTHING should be shared. I miss the carefree me that can chat it up with anyone and not WORRY what everyone thinks. I'm getting over that some....not much, but some. I really like that part of me, so I'm working on getting some of her back.

So, what are YOUR 'things'? Please share. That way, maybe I won't think MY 'things' are so creepy!

Thank L-ish for the idea. I think it's cool!

A whole bunch of NUTTIN.

At work today, I put a bunch of things I wanted to blog about on sticky notes. Because, **sigh** when at work, I'm supposed to work and not blog.

So, y'all are in for another Monday Musings....I guess...I'll briefly (*snort*...as if I am ever brief) go over the stuff I wanted to talk about.

I had a perfect Mother's day. Son #2 made me breakfast to order. I ate toast, cookie crisp cereal and coffee. Jamaica me CRAZY flavor coffee. MMMM. He made the coffee and toast all by himself (after getting coffee instructions from Mr. Perfectly). He was very proud that he figured that he could MELT the butter first in the microwave to make smoother spreading. Mr. Perfectly made dinner, which was great. I also had Peach Martini's which were potent little suckers. But oh so yummy.

I switched to A & W diet root beer when I began using my dog, Buster's paws and legs like Jeff Probst starting a 'Survivor' challenge; "READY???? GO!"

Speaking of 'Survivor', I was a little peeved that Parvati won. I like Amanda, and sort of wanted her or Cirie to win. Parvati think's she's a little 'all that' and she's cute and all, but.........nah...too transparent. And Ozzy declared his love for Amanda.....too sweet (I'm a sucker for reality tv romance). And James? Let some poor grieving woman take pictures of his ABS......(sure she was grieving.......)

On Saturday night (I'm regressing, here), we ate fresh MOREL mushrooms. OMG. OMG. Seriously....OMG. We also had home-made creme brulee......again OMG, but not as OMG as the mushrooms.

I'm returning the razor today. I just can't see spending $20 for a razor that doesn't have any way to LOCK the eyebrow guard. The only attachment I like is the one that is like the little pen razors, so I'll take this one back, and just get the little one. Teenie said I should shave my arms. I'm fair skinned and have fair arm hair, but it's longer than alot of other girls, and she suggested I shave it off......I really don't want to deal with arm stubble, you know? She says it won't be stubbly, but I think it will. Last night, I gave the new razor one last hurrah, and shaved a LITTLE bit of my forearm. As predicted, I felt a little stubble. I just left it alone, and when driving to work this morning, in the sunlight, boy you could see the shaved area. Tee Hee......you can't see it in regular light, but it was funny to see my bald wrist.

I know I spend an inordinate amount of time discussing my body hair. Sorry, but it's something that I really don't like, yet I'm not willing to deal with (i.e waxing, shaving, etc...) so until there's a good solution, I'll just complain.

I ate 'Kashi Vive PROBIOTIC' cereal this morning. I mixed it w/ yogurt. We'll see how it affects my digestion----I like Kashi...It can be a little bland, but I don't mind it....it makes me feel healthier later in the day when eating all the REALLY bad stuff.

And while I appreciate good oral hygiene as much as the next person, I do NOT enjoy being in a public bathroom with someone brushing their teeth. I am skeeved to the MAX with spit, spittle, and drool. I don't deal well with the mouth. Spit, loose and removed teeth.....I just...well.....shudder. I have a RULE not to brush the teeth anywhere but the bathroom. Sometimes, with one bath it gets hectic around here, and the boys (including Mr. Perfectly) want to just brush and SPIT in the kitchen. NO WAY......that's too much for poor mom to deal with. Now what they do that I don't know about...well.....I can't think about that either. And seeing as I have public restroom issues as well as spit issues, the two to me don't mix. So, lady that was standing next to me this afternoon brushing her teeth? EWWWW. Couldn't you have WAITED til I left?

I keep floss at my desk for emergencies..like popcorn stuck painfully between teeth, or that pesky piece of spinach? But that can be done unobtrusively, and privately....whereas brushing cannot.

Lastly, either I'm losing my ever loving MIND or people cannot speak. I would SWEAR that today on the phone someone offered to give me their 'defecation number'. Now I assume they said or meant IDENTIFICATION number, but I know what I heard. And last I knew, defecation was NUMBER TWO.

Oh, wait....one more thing. A couple of weeks ago, I posed the question about larger people and shorts. What about larger people and the fake spray on tans? That would mean that I'd have to be in a booth with a probable Beautiful Person baring either my nude self or bathing suit attired self (neither of which is pretty). But since I don't tan or want to tan, I thought a light golden FAKE tan may be fun.....but is it too much to ask of people to spray a not so hottie? I'm being serious folks....Like if I was a massage therapist, a hairy back would probably bother me........so would it bother the tanning folks if a large person wanted a tan?

How to stalk co-workers and embarass people

Start by entering a conference room with 2 people serving popcorn to the department staff. (these are employees in the department) Greet people that you BARELY know.

Practically PURR into the ear of one of the popcorn baggers "I love your hair"

See her expression, yet DON'T shut up

Purr some more---"everytime I see you, I notice your HAIR...it's so pretty"

Nervous laughter---from both of us...tell her how you 'Love the color and how SHINY it is'

Some more nervous tittering--make some weird passing reference about acting like a stalker.

Continue to go ON about her HAIR!!!

Popcorn bagger is turning RED....but do you stop? OH NO.

You carefully reach out and PET the hair. Yes. You. Do.

By this time Jakki had a bag of popcorn and was settling in to watch the show.

Lean over conference room chair, because you are embarassed, and giggle like a CRAZY ASS.

Have poor popcorn bagger discuss how she thinks her hair is stick straight and she can't do ANYTHING with it....and say....

"Well, I guess we all want what we can't have"

Oh, Yeah. That's how to do it.

Before and After

Well, they eyebrow fix isn't as perfect as I'd hoped. It, however, is better. My other eyebrow sort of matches now, too. I'm posting before and after photos. Please take note in the before pics...the stubble, and chunked off area of the brow (and my still prettily tinted lashes, please)! Oh, in the 'before' pics, I've also taken one of the 'good' brow to see how thick I wear them. This is NOT as thick as they grow, however.......I've got caterpillar eyebrows. Don't be skeeved by the contacts--I had no idea they'd show up that well. Oh, and I'm not stoned. I'm taking self portraits, and apparently one must LOOK stoned in them. Oh, and I also didnt' realize that my just out of the shower brows were so messy----but, oh well....this is me.

In the after photo, you'll see the chunked off area isn't totally gone, and neither is the stubbly area....she didn't want to do TOO much, for fear they would grow back funny--but all in all, she did a good job. She suggested using an eyebrow pencil to soften the 'chunked' area. My esthetician suggested cuticle scissors when needing to trim length from the bounty of my brows. Not a RAZOR that cuts hair INTO STUBBLE. Please take note of the NEWLY tinted lashes, though........pretty!

BAD BROW:
GOOD BROW
SEE HOW NICELY BANGS CAMOUFLAGE THE PROBLEM?
THE FIX

Well Crap. Crappity Crap

I shaved a big hunk of my eyebrow off this morning. Yes I did.

Since the chemical burn of March, I decided a more responsible means of hair removal would be one of those little pen sized razors that you see Beautiful people with no Body Hair using on TV. You know, the ones that you can pick up for $9.99? I headed to Wal-Mart in search of a golf umbrella and a personal shaver.

I found the little pen sized personal shaver, but RIGHT NEXT TO IT, for a mere $10 more was THIS. Who WOULDN'T want 5 attachments and GUARDS for eyebrow and more 'delicate' grooming? Huh? Huh? So I bought it. Carefully retaining my receipt, because in the back of my brain I KNEW it wouldn't work well.

I plugged it in last night, and realized, quite impatiently, that it has to CHARGE. So this morning, I woke up with TWO things on my mind....my federal REBATE was supposed to be direct deposited today, AND I was gonna try out my nifty little groomer.

I started with the actual shaver...with the screen. I have these fine little downy hairs that grow on my face/neck. On my face, they dont' bother me so much, but the neck does (hence chemically burning myself in March). So I switched to the little straight edged razor (like you see on the $9.99 ones) and boy it REALLY worked.....so I put the guard over it and went to groom my eyebrows. My eyebrows are thick, and bushy...I thought maybe this neat little trimmer would help me keep them from looking like overgrown weeds! I was carefully running the guard over my brows when guess what? The GUARD fell off. WTF? I didn't originally know I'd hunked off my eyebrow...I was trying to figure out the guard thingy, and glanced in the mirror and GASPED. Shit, now what? I yelled for Mr. Perfectly. He can fix ANYTHING. He tilted my head back, and pronounced that it looked like I'd shaved a hunk out of my eyebrow, and he wasn't TOUCHING it.

I nearly called in to work---to find a salon that opens early for a quick fix. Then I decided to calmly try to repair what I could, trim the other eyebrow so I didn't look wildly cockeyed and mismatched (which I do, but let's pretend I did a good job of evening them out), and pulled my bangs down lower than normal and went to work. 20 minute late, but I made it. So here I sit, with a shaved brow and a butchered self-esteem

Happy freaking Wednesday.

Sincerely,
PerfectlyShelly
who is apparently destined to be hairy and self consious the REST OF HER LIFE.

Reasons I’m a bad mom to 17 yr old son

Midnight curfew
Won’t call him out of school to miss an assembly
Won’t call him out of school to go home to put on missed deodorant
Wouldn’t let him stay out all night on prom (he’s a junior)
I ask too many questions
I won’t let him have lighters
Ask that he call me when he leaves one place for another
I don’t just automatically trust him
I was home and caught him skipping school (my fault for being home unexpectedly)
I’m overprotective
I nag
I make him do chores
I want him to have a responsible job this summer that could benefit his future
I’m nervous about letting him spend the night with other kids
I talk to other parents about our kids and their friends
I read his myspace/facebook

I occasionally look in his room
**things found in his room/vehicle**
Condoms
Lighters
Fireworks
Dad’s beer under his pillow—not consumed
Bedroom window screen under his bed (He didn’t sneak out….riiigghhht)
Bedroom window screen in the yard (it just BLEW out in the wind)
CO2 cartridge
T-shirts from other schools that he ‘found’ (amazingly in his size only)
Empty box of clove cigarettes
A stolen decorative eagle pipe from 14yr old brothers Indian collection

I love him so much it hurts (which makes me OVERPROTECTIVE)
I don’t ‘understand’ him
I was a goody goody as a teen (is what he thinks)
My day is made up of thinking up the BEST way to make him miserable
Or my day is made up in trying to CATCH him doing stuff
I make him study for 30 minutes each night
I make him be home by 9 on school nights
I hug him and ‘sniff’ sometimes to be SURE
I lecture about sex
I lecture about drugs
I lecture about drinking
I don’t allow him to tan (but suspect he does—his butt that shows w/ his low hanging pants looks pretty brown)
I worry about his Crest White strip use
I worry when he’s sick
I worry when he’s well
I worry when he’s sad
I question why he needs a blanket and pillow in his truck

I really think someone ought to call CPS on my bad parental behavior that is doing NOTHING but making my son miserable. I am cramping his style and his ability to ‘do his own thing’. I make unreasonable demands, and am unreasonable in my expectations of him.

Bring it on critics………..I’m a dismal parent. I know…….

I'm sick of peeing.

Seriously. I need some practical advice. First of all, I'm sick. I don't do well in the role of sick. Nobody feels BAD enough for me. Everyone else seems to think that all my moaning and carrying on is ANNOYING. Huh. Imagine that. Personally, I think the attention needs to be focused on ME and MY needs.

My point in all of this is that I have a theory. I theorize that I pee far, FAR more when I'm sick. I'm not a pee-er. Some women go ALL THE TIME. There are full days at work that I don't ENTER our bathroom. Jakki yells at me when this happens, and I'm giving you all this UNWANTED information to illustrate my point. I've been in the bathroom to pee 4 TIMES in the last 2 hours. And it's not a gentle tinkle, either. I HAVE TO PEEEEEE. As a matter of fact, it's been 20 minutes and I have to go again.

I'm not drinking any more or doing anything unusual (except sleeping through 'A Baby Story'). I have a sore throat and a cold--I think. I started the pee-athon on
Tuesday (maybe even Monday night--I can't remember). I wondered if I was sick because I've been peeing 2-3 times a day at work and several times of an evening. But I felt fine. Then yesterday, my throat hurt, and as the day progressed, the BLAH got worse. I got up today and went to work, and like the WUSS I am, I left at 9:30.

This takes me back to my theory. I think my body responds to illness by PEEING. Trying to CLEANSE itself of the unwanted GERMS......am I crazy? I take B vitamins and Folic Acid for a blood clotting issue (another post), therefore, my pee is usually really yellow because of the color of the vitamins (thank you vitamin company for not making the tablets purple or something). But when I am like THIS and peeing every half hour, it eventually is CLEAR....like all the bad colors from the vitamins are gone, and now the body is working on the SORE THROAT.

Does anyone ELSE do this? Am I nuts? Is my theory logical?

Well, off to the loo, and back to my blanket.

p.s. I want to take Zyrtec to try to re-create the sleep-athon of a month ago, but I'm afraid to...what if my kids need me? What if I can't function? While this SEEMS lovely at the moment.....picking up my 14 yr old in a comotose state doesn't seem like the wisest choice.