Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Non-Confrontational

In other words, I generally turn tail and RUN. I don't like confrontation. I LOVE it in my mind....I go over scenarios where I SMASH another person's self esteem to SMITHEREENS....I have quick one liners that STING.....I can hold my own, I WIN.......but in real life, I just smile and nod when faced with people that make my life crazy.

For instance, take today. A jolly fellow calls and asks for information. I don't know WHY he felt the need to tell a stupid joke at the end of our call. Wasn't my unemotional monotone ENOUGH to clue him in that I was NOT INTERESTED? Apparently not. Here it goes.....and folks, he thought this was funny enough to chuckle throughout telling.......'Why did the pit bull cross the road?"

Are you HANGING?
Just wait.....

Seriously....you won't believe it....


TAAAAA DAAAAAAA

'To get her lipstick'

Yes internet......he said it....and because it was WORK RELATED, and I must be POLITE....I had to give some sort of semblance of a chuckle........I didn't WANT to, so it may have come out like an agonized croak, but I managed to do at least that.

Oh, hey, but I did manage to STICK IT TO THE MAN.....or my version of such. It was anonymous, so it was easier for me. A Marine recruiter called asking for son #1. He isn't here, so I offered to take a message (I could see from the caller ID that it was the G.O.V.E.R.N.M.E.N.T). He gave his name and told me he was from the Marines and he'd call son #1 back. I said "Please don't". And he made me tell him WHY......(because I don't want my kid killed for a war WE SHOULDN'T EVEN FREAKING BE IN)..So I told Mr. Marine that he was going to college and wouldn't be entering the military.

How was THAT for the middle finger waving at him.....over the phone.......? Yeah, that's what I THOUGHT. HOOOOAAAAAHHHHH THAT, sucker!!

But then, on Monday, when I was on my quest for that t-shirt? Remember? I was walking out of Cato with visions of babydoll tunics and legging......hoping that I'd look HOT and not....well, NOT......and some voice says...."Ma'am??"......and I was all like 'who me?" Thinking CLEARLY that I'm way not old enough to be a Ma'am. And she asks me if I'm headed UP a particular street. I sort of was, but I lied. I told her I wasn't. She asked me ANYWAY if I'd give her a ride 'to her house'. I told her I wasn't going that way, and TURNED TAIL. I went a different route and went to KMart where I saw the Steve Irwin look that drew me in............KHAKI...JACKETS....WITH....EMULETS...ARE....NOT ....YOUR....FRIEND.

I know, I'm a wuss.

I have a personal message for my pal Stoogie. I WANT TO WWWIIIIINNNNNN. Hear that? I'd like to win the $1200 BOOTY you have. I can't promise NUDITY, but I will send you some APPLE BUTTER in return!

Happy Drunken Ghost Hunter Wednesday!!

I may have to DVR ghost hunters and begin the evening with Drunken Debate....then end with Drunken Ghost Hunters. Whew, it'll be a LATE nite for Perfectly.......I plan on taking notes this time.....so when everyone is talking debate I don't get that glazed look of ignorance.......I know who I like, I know who I'm voting for, and I'm just watching the Debate because that is what grown ups are supposed to do. Not drink wine and wait to be scared by Ghost Hunters.

On another side note (since I've run my one topic post into the ditch ONCE AGAIN), puppies are ADORABLE, but they fart like nasty old men. Since I've begun this post, I've been looking around for steaming piles......and so far, I don't see anything but the pup......he must've eaten SOMETHING that didn't agree.....phew.......

He doesn't like the rain, however. He stood and trembled at the door, but FINALLY...ON COMMAND (she says proudly), he PEED......YEAH DEX!!

Okay, NOW Happy Drunken Ghost Hunters Wednesday!!!

3 comments:

Kristen said...

DID YOU SEE IT LAST NIGHT???

It. was. awesome!!!

That Sanatorium place was spookerific!

I was all scared to go to the bathroom after that.

stoogepie said...

Way to go with the Marine dude! Although you might also have added, "Oh, and I just think he's just killed enough people already."

If I had a dollar for every time someone said they wanted my bootie....

So, you want to win, huh? Well, there is apple butter at stake. But I'm afraid that I have an independent judging authority who will be auditing the drawing of the number tonight. So I don't know that I will be able to fudge it. Still, if you win, we can make believe I rigged it and you can send me the apple butter!

Go Dex!!

Perfectly Shelly said...

Kristen--I saw it! The sanatorium was a re-run, I think. The new one had a museum and a winery. The sanitorium was better.

Stoogie--I thought you didn't love me anymore.......

How about this...I'll buy you some apple butter in Kimmswick next weekend (IF we go), and send it to you----no tit for tat involved (hahaha---I said tit).....I know I'll probably get a bogus name and a po box, but if I send it, you must promise you'll at least GET it......

yes, we can talk about my bras....what would you like to know?