Dancing with the Perfectly's

WOOT WOOT!!

Mr. Perfectly won Stoogie's NUDE MILF contest. No, I'm not the MILF, Crissy is.....but Mr. Perfectly won!!!

I am so excited. He won PHOTOSHOP! I can be SKINNY and PERKY again!! Or Vixen like......or WHATEVER I WANT TO BE!!

I've taken Crissy's thought about being fair into a great deal of consideration. Mr. Perfectly may not be ready to wow you all with his NEKKIDNESS yet. He called me as he was leaving work, though, and said he was walking to his car naked to see how it felt.

Crissy and Stoogie apparently had some legendary phone sex (sorry mom.....don't read this one) during or after choosing Mr. Perfectly and Melissa Lion (she won the camcorder for Pimping Stoogie's contest) as winners.

I'm not sure how phone sex works.....can someone explain? I mean "what are you wearing" or "Are your toenails painted?" just somehow doesn't replace the whole person to person FEEL of stuff, you know? I mean what does the GIRL say? "What's Mr. Wiggly doing now???" I'm a bit confused. The whole sex movie, toy, product industry sort of leaves me befuddled.

One time, many years ago Jakki and another friend of ours, and I went to an 'adult' shop. Our friend was standing there stroking this pretty pretty hair thing....we wondered what it was....our friend wondered out loud if maybe it was a (*whisper*) WHIP? It was a buttplug, with a horsey tail. Now seriously. This thing was really big......what is the POINT? I didn't think the goal was to get things all stretchy.......AND what in the world would be appealing about an individual, with a horsey tail IN THEIR BUTT?

See, one time, I had a hemorrhoid removed. It was the most humiliating experience of my entire life. Really. And I've had my fair share. I'll share with you so grab a glass of wine, and know that this honest to god a TRUE story.......

It started innocently enough......I was in the surgeon's office and a nice nurse asked me about the book I was reading. We had a nice discussion about the book. I even thought about coming back to lend it to her after I was through.......then another nurse comes in and starts preparing a few items.

THEN THE DOCTOR COMES IN. I was still dressed, holding my purse and book. He instructed me to 'drop my pants'. Uh--huh!! In front of everyone. I set my purse and book on the exam table, and very reluctantly dropped my jeans. He THEN instructed me to kneel (pants around my ankles) with my KNEES on the footrest of the exam table, and lean my BODY over the end of the exam table. (I'll wait a sec to let you get a visual on that).

Stupid me DID IT. Two nurses and one doctor certainly got to regale THEIR families with a story that night over dinner!!

Oh, it gets worse, Internet. It gets worse. The nice book nurse comes to me and takes TAPE......TTTAAAPPPPPEEE and sticks it onto my ASS. Tape on my ass. She pulls a long piece of it away from the roll and sticks the OTHER end of the tape to my hip. She does the same thing with the other ass cheek. SHE WAS TAPING MY ASS APART...........HEAR THAT PEOPLE? TAPING MY ASS APART!!!!!! WITH ME DRAPED OVER AN EXAM TABLE...ON MY KNEES!!

As I sat there, with my ass taped apart, and my swollen sphincter for all to see, the Doctor froze the hemorrhoid with that liquid nitrogen stuff and proceeded give me a shot in the frozen hemorrhoid, which hurt like HELL----then cut it off.

He then placed a small cigar shaped piece of cotton up into my butthole, untaped my ass, and let me pull my pants up.

I barely got out of there before I burst into tears. I was mortified, and totally devastated.

I got home and that damn piece of cotton was the worst thing about the recovery part of the situation. I then had to call the damn doctor back to ask if I could take the little plug out so I could SLEEP. I've never had anything so uncomfortable in my life as that little piece of cotton.

So, why in the WORLD would someone want a plastic plug that is larger than a FIST with hair dangling from it in their rear? WHY?

Needless to say, I didn't loan that stupid nurse my book.

All a Twitter

I want to sign up for Twitter. I am scared, though, because what if people don't follow me? What if I get fired for twitting all day long? What the hell IS twitter?

I've been showing Son #1's photos around looking for praise and acceptence--like I created him from bronze or something. Sheesh......a little egg here, some schmutz there......and we got HIM. Oh, we got another one, too--How did we MAKE these guys?

I was annoyed at work yesterday when showing off my husbands photography, and my son's looks. The stuffy set at work were all "is that a REAL tattoo, or just a temporary one?" looking down their nose at me......and "oh, I didn't know he had an EARRING". I said "he doesn't....he's got two". Again, the looking down the nose at me. Or when trying to explain to the conservative, midwestern prom queen moms et. al., why we chose the settings we did (sorry, Mr. Perfectly, that YOU did)...they sighed and said "well, my daughters would probably like this, but it just isn't what I would have chosen" Oh, and the yellow tennis shoes. Nobody looked at the lighting, the colors in the pictures the HDR (or whatever) effects, the TIME AND EFFORT IT TOOK for Mr. Perfectly to take the pictures or the handsomeness of the son.....NO....they NOTICED THE YELLOW SHOES.

I am not artsy. I wish I was (were?). I don't even always 'GET' art, either. But I know what I like and I prefer modern, stark, colorful, etc. Here is some art I'd like to paper my house in. Ser--iou---sly.

I get all excited over books (Melissa Lion is the latest obsession). In a roundabout weird way, I sort of, kind of KNOW her....at least know her comments on blogs.

I am very PROUD of my husband and his photography. He has taught himself everything he knows, and he does a pretty good JOB!

So, today, I showed the picture book to another co-worker. She made ALL the appropriate noises, and comments. She complimented the photographer and subject. Whew. I was worried. Apparently it wasn't Mr. Perfectly's photography or son #1, it is just people who don't/can't appreciate something other than formal drapes and studio portraits.

I somehow was not paying attention (as is the norm) when the creative genes were handed out. I can't even draw a stick figure. Really. I don't 'decorate' my house. Some of Mr. P's photos are on the wall, and we have mismatched furniture and Dogs (oh, and Joe Kitty). That's it. My one foray into decorating was our kitchen many years ago. Yeah. Rule number one: if you don't plan on RE-DECORATING in the next decade, then don't go with 'trendy' or what's 'in' at the moment. Because later in life you may come to regret the very dark hunter green on the walls, and the white cabinets, with the burgundy laminate counter tops. Yes you may. And you may also regret the matchy-matchy burgundy and white linoleum.

I tend to want to match with my clothing too. I'm afraid to mix patterns and colors. If I can't put an item WITH something else I have or am buying, I generally don't buy it. I can't go into the depths of my closet and find random things and just put an outfit together--that looks really cool AND put together. Yikes.

On the other hand, Mr. Perfectly can draw, he can take pictures, and he throws on a t-shirt and some surfer-dude shorts, and a backwards hat, and he looks trendy and relaxed.

So, how did we get from Twitter to creativity? I have no clue. I don't have either, so maybe I'd better get on the bandwagon and try the twit craze (or is it tweet?), since I obviously can't draw, paint or photograph. Or sing. Or dance. Or write.

Hey, I'm good at watching TV and reading blogs!! That should say something!!

I'm off for now!! 10-4!

Senior Moments

Well, it appears that Dex's worm and/or intestinal condition is improving. His doodie is firm and we haven't seen any blood. He has twice the energy he had when we got him, and he's FUNNY. I mean he was funny before, too, but he slept alot. He still sleeps alot, but at least now, between long cozy naps, he races through the house, plays with Copper, chews rawhides, and runs from us when he's got something he wants that he shouldn't have. Like socks. And cords. And Kleenex.

He hasn't had any accidents in the house since my last report. I think he may be smart. He seems to be potty training (other people I know act like potty training is so hard.......), he knows 'inside' and 'outside' he knows his name, oh and he responds well to 'GOOOOOODDDD BBBOOOYYYYY'. He knows 'NO', and he very much likes to sleep on down blankets and in our bed with us. He sleeps in his cage at night with little whining, and he's SO FREAKING CUTE, it's unbelieveable.

Mr. P went to take some photos of son #1 yesterday. Mr. P is acting as a photographer for his Senior pictures. Son #1 isn't as co-operative as I'd like. I had an absolute meltdown because when I told Son #1 that I wanted him clean shaven in the photos and he flat out refused. He didn't want to go take pictures, he didn't want to shave and I went nuts. He, of course, thinks I'm nuts. He said it should be HIS choice since they were 'his' pictures. You all know Senior pictures are as much for the family as they are for the kid. No matter what I said, he totally refused to shave and practically refused to go take pictures. Arrgh. Sometimes I feel like I suck at parenting, and sometimes I feel like I get shat upon on a regular basis.

Anyway, he got lots of pictures of Son #1, unshaven. The photos are pretty good after all, but I would still enjoy them more if he were clean shaven. He said he'll take more later on and shave. We'll see how that turns out.

Okay, we picked up the photos of Son #1 and they turned out pretty good. We have (well, I have) a very specific taste regarding the 'look' of pictures. I prefer so called 'urban' backgrounds....a modern, sort of stark look. I also kind of like the railroad track look.......unfortunately, many of the pictures were taken too far away to really be used as portraits, but it was a good practice session, and there are two specifically that turned out awesome........and several more that are good. We picked about 40 examples to print out to show him what we were going for.......and hope he likes the basic result and will 'allow' Mr. Perfectly to do this again having learned from his 'mistakes' if you will. Not that he made 'mistakes', but he isn't a portrait photographer. He has never enjoyed the portrait side of things.......although I'd be willing to bet that at least some of Son #1's friends will want similiar photos of them taken. He may get into the portrait business after all.
















See? Mr. P did a pretty good job, huh? Let me know what YOU think......like I said before, alot are too far away to be 'portraits' but this gives you a sense of what he was 'going' for. I am anxious to hear if we are on the right track!!

Toodles....Happy Monday!!

Festival Schmestival

Well, we drove the 2 and a half hours to Kimmswick for the APPLE BUTTER FESTIVAL. Wow. That's really all I have to say. Wow. Kimmswick is a quaint little downtown block. Ummm....but seriously? It's not a rural area...it's not deep in the hills. It's freaking in the middle of suburbia. Arnold, Mo....which is in (or near) ST. LOUIS COUNTY. No wonder it attracts over 100,000 people in a weekend. They all just live down the street!

It was elbow to elbow people. The freaky preppie ladies that hold the kitchy crafts for Halloween and Thanksgiving to heart! The bikers who came for the BEER and Scarface King Sized Blankets. The grandma types, the crazies, and then us. Me and Mr. Perfectly. Practically holding hands with the residents of St. Louis county.

What amazed us the very most were the buses. THEY HAD SCHOOL BUSES AS SHUTTLES. We paid some biker dude $10 to park near the festival. It probably wasn't even his property, and we contributed to the beer and barbeque fund, but what the hell. The buses picked up the retirment communities and preppy moms at a church and/or school parking lot and dropped them off at the edge of town. THERE WERE AT LEAST 4 BUSES running ALL THE TIME. They'd drop a group off, and the block line of people waiting to go back to their cars would load up. Over and Over and Over.

People were LINED UP like I said, at least a block long in two different spots with their kitchy treasures and SHAMWOW towels waiting to go back to their cars. It's like they ran in for the goods and then spent their festival day waiting in line for a bus.

Oh, and they try to FOOL you.....where we came in, there were at LEAST two locations selling apple butter. I PAID ATTENTION and it was purported 'Amish' apple butter or other packaged apple butter. It wasn't the KIMMSWICK apple butter. We finally found the pavilion where they were making the apple butter. They had an open flame, a HUGE copper pot and some dude with a wooden paddle stirring it, and letting the guests of the festival stir it as well. I did have a moment of clarity, though. When reading the online stuff about this festival, I somehow was thinking they SOLD the apple butter they were making on the spot. I could NOT figure out how they'd can and preserve it safely.....Duh. It was my blonde moment. Obviously, the big copper kettle they had going could not POSSIBLY provide apple butter for 100,000 people! They have it PRE PACKAGED according to their recipe THEN sell it. I felt sort of stupid at that point.

I found what was probably a Mennonite (as opposed to Amish) run booth selling artisan goat cheese. They SUCKED ME RIGHT IN with the orange/cranberry flavor. $9 for maybe 6oz of cheese. I think I got taken....right along with the other suburbanites. I looked EVERYWHERE for my garlic grater booth, and it wasn't to be found. This was the booth I saw at the Olde Type Apple festival a few weeks ago. I should have bought them then, but didn't. Oh well.

I also looked for slumped bottles, but not as earnestly. I went to a local paint your own ceramics place, and she will be doing bottle slumping and said for a nominal fee, she'll slump MY bottles too (hopefully soon). So, if this plan comes to fruition, Internet, you all may getting cheese boards for Christmas!!

It was still a fun way to spend the day with Mr. Perfectly. What? OF COURSE I have photos!! Would I not have photos?

Here's ME!!


Here is the Apple butter pavilion---I really am not evil..I just look like it in the photo!!





Scarface:



Artisan cheese:



Okay, take a look at the far left. See all the people facing one direction in a line? That is ONE bus line. Oh, and towards the middle left? The cart the little lady is pushing? Yeah, they either were renting or selling those so people could stuff their purchases in them and go buy MORE!!



We'll keep the Kimmswick festival on our list, but man. What a long trip to spend with SO MANY PEOPLE......

Happy Sunday Afternoon!

My Bum Itches Already

Dex has worms. Or something equally PLAGUE-ISH.

Remember the crazy lady with the disheveled Pentecostal bun that 'sold' us the pup? Yeah, she said he'd been wormed twice and had his first set of shots. I had him wormed on the 6th (his first vet visit) just in case, and we had him vaccinated. Again, just in case. Well, 10 days ago or so, I took Dex out for a potty, and noticed his poo glinting in the sunlight. Gross, right? Well, when I went to investigate, I realized it was blood and.....well....mucus (What an icky word). I called the vet who instructed me to PUT THE RUNNY, BLOODY POO into a baggie, and seal it, and take it to them. A BAGGIE??? So, I dutifully went to find a stick. I found, instead, a rounded out piece of bark...so I used it like a spoon, and deposited the 'sample' in said baggie and zipped it up.

The vet checked it and said he had a 'heavy burden' of hookworms. Hookworms burrow into the intestinal wall and suck the blood. Lovely. We were given additional worm medicine to give him, the cat and the beasty boys to protect them as well.

Here it is 10 days later, and the poo is still bloody and nasty. The vet says he's had ample time for the wormer to work (the 2 ROUNDS of wormer), and that it maybe whipworm (??) or Giardia or something else.....Toxidia or something like that? She prescribed 3 additonal medications to give him....one for 3 days, one for 7 days and the last for 10 days.

I took Dex back to the vet with me today to get his drugs and he weighs 5.7 lbs.....so he DID gain some weight in the last 2 weeks---one of the wormers needs to be sprinkled on food, so I will be feeding him canned food for 3 days to get the meds down......I took video of his first soft food experience. He looks troubled...or grossed out...or SOMETHING...but he ate it!! I don't know what the issue was...texture? Taste? Grit from the medicine. Mr. P. will splice my videos together to make one...I videoed the house, the yard, the dogs, our split tree from an ice storm. Obviously you don't need the length of all the videos, so my hubby will magically turn it into one.

So now I am worried about contracting some sort of intestinal parasite from my adorable puppy. **shudder** How gross would that be.

Hey, you all have heard of that Body Dysmorphic syndrome (or whatever). Where the really skinny people...the ones with bones showing enough to crack an egg on the edge? The ones that look like a skeleton with skin? When they look in the mirror they see a fat person. The rest of us are AMAZED that they can't see what is REAL.

Well, I think I may have a touch of that syndrome in reverse. I buy cute clothes, and try to match, and wear my mineral makeup and think I am looking all cute.....I know I'm fat...I can see it.....I know my size is huge...but I envision myself looking more NORMAL or AVERAGE. I see photos and I'm so disappointed...I look in the dressing room mirror and my heart sinks. I get my HAIR cut, and think I'll look so awesome....and I just look like the large faced, many chinned me...with different hair.

I posted the pictures from our Winery trip with much disdain and worry. I look awful. My makeup is not very dark.....my hair...oh the frizz...my chins.....the GARGANTUAN boobs. My boobs were always a source of pride---when I was skinny and the big boobs looked right. Now I just look all........well......MATRONLY. And Frumpy.

I've been trying to work on my self esteem. My self image. I have been doing pretty well of late, but this last round of pictures really did me in........

Okey Dokey--enough of the pity party.......on with the video. Sorry about the squee of the dog voice. You all KNOW YOU DO IT TOO!! Babies and pets get the 'voice'. I was also laughing....I don't hear myself laugh very often, so I'm scared, Internet. What if I sound really idiotic? Oh well........I'll leave the editing of my horrible video skills to my wonderful husband.....Mr. Perfectly.

Puchta-Rita!!

Oh, I missed you all! This is a doozie of a post----pictures as well!!!

I’ve been sick with Crissy’s newly named illness, the Monkey Plague, and although have kept pretty busy, today is the first day since Wednesday that I’ve felt relatively normal. I still sound like I’m talking through a conch shell sometimes still, though.

Let’s see, there’s SO much to ramble about today. I’ll just start from where I left off, I guess!! First of all, we have a Shrimp Fra Diavolo emergency. I totally left out the WINE in the recipe. I’ve edited it to include it now, but if you made it without the wine I’M SORRY…I think it adds to the recipe.

Have I ever told any of you my strange, yet paralyzing phobia? Vomiting. I am terrified to puke. Therefore, if I’m around anyone puking, I lose my MIND with worry that maybe I’ll ‘catch’ their germs, if it’s someone in my house, I clean up the hard surfaces with bleach trying to kill germs. It’s really a problem at times. Like when my kids were smaller and I couldn’t even help them when they were sick…….like when my co-workers and/or their families have a stomach virus……..people around my office resort to not telling me about illnesses to try to ease my mind. Unfortunately, it makes it worse if I hear about it later…..the fear still plagues me. More on this later.

Okay, on to the Monkey Plague. Lots of snot, sneezing and body aches. Oh, and my poor nose looked like it had been assaulted. `Nuff said.

Friday night, I thought I felt better and went to dinner with Teenie. She’s always a ton of fun, and as usual, we had a fun, laughter filled evening..

Saturday morning, I realized that in actuality, I felt like crap. Mr. Perfectly has been really growly lately, and was still working (successfully this time, I think) on son #1’s truck. This makes him VERY grouchy…….so I hated to be all wussy and complainey (although I did complain some)…I tried to do some things around the house, and was generally un-successful on that front. Every joint in my body ached---even after pain reliever (and that almost always works for me). I hinted at chili for dinner, but didn’t get it done. Bologna and cheetos—woo hoo. Quite the gourmet, aren’t I?

Sunday rolled around with an early morning call from the In-Laws---we’d asked the day before if they’d be interested maybe in heading to Hermann, Mo for the Oktoberfest. Y’all KNOW how I like my fall fests!! They originally said no, and I thought maybe with the plague and Mr. P being so grouchy maybe we’d forego the trip, but they decided to go, so we packed up and drove to Hermann. Oktoberfest is an all month deal, and every weekend in October they have festival-like stuff happening, and the wineries are the place to be. There are a huge number of wineries in that area of our state, and Hermann is home to many. Hermanoff and Stone Hill are the biggest and most well known, but there are tons of others. The Adam Puchta winery is my personal favorite. Well, maybe not the actual winery, but their wine. GO ONLINE AND ORDER SOME. It’s really good----at least in my unsophisticated book. Remember, I drink sweet fruity wines, and I’ve never swirled, slurped and aerated the wine in my life. If it goes in and tastes yummy, then I don’t worry about proper pairings, and such. I just drink it.

ANYWAY…..back to the order of events. Mr. Perfectly, me and the In-laws trekked to Stone Hill winery. We took the tour and it really was quite interesting. During prohibition and until the 60’s Stone Hill winery produced MUSHROOMS in their cellars. The government apparently came in and destroyed all their wine making equipment during prohibition……(that would suck) and they needed a way to make money---so mushrooms it was. There is still mold on the cellar walls that can’t be removed from the mushroom growing. There are small areas of the mold that have taken on a purplish hue from the wine ‘breathing’ in the cellars.










Then we went on to the tasting room HIP HIP HOORAY!! I tried every single one they offered----even though I do not enjoy the dry/harsher flavors of wine (Norton for example), I did try them, dumping the ones I REALLY didn’t care for. My mother-in-law didn’t want to try the dry wines at all, so she gave her samples to the Father-in Law, instead of dumping them into the urn. Needless to say, we REALLY needed to go eat at that point. We waited 30 minutes for their on site ‘Vintage’ restaurant---and it was fine. Not fabulous, but okay. The in-laws ordered a sampler platter, Mr. Perfectly ordered a sausage sampler, and I ordered the Wienerschnitzel (hope I’m getting that right).




After the mid-day meal, the in-laws left, and Mr. Perfectly and I headed to the local brewery. He’s a beer drinker, I am not. He tried their varieties of beer, and thought they were pretty good. We took the little tour of their brewer area and the gift shop. I had to use the ladies room, so I went in search…..downstairs of the brewery (a former MFA feed store)….the wooden steps leading into a concrete and limestone basement.






I could smell the bathroom right away. It LOOKED okay, but smelled pretty urine-ey. I just thought of the germ-x wipes in my car and WENT FOR IT anyway. My mistake. I found a stall just in time to hear “ssspppplllllaaaaash”, heavy breathing…..FLUSH ’splaaassshhh’….heavy breathing…..spit…spit…flush..’SSSPPPPLLLLLAAAAASSSSHHHHHH’….spit….heave….heave…..SPLASH. Flush

We had a puker. And it wasn’t me. I peed as QUICKLY as I could and despite the germ-x wipes in the car, stopped to wash my hands…….hearing more breathing and spitting. I high tailed it OUT OF THERE like you wouldn’t believe. It set off a phobia that hasn’t bothered me in 18 months or so. My relaxation level with the prospect of puking was increasing. This set me back 47 steps.

I’ve always told people that I thought I could handle being with someone drunk and puking because there’s nothing I could ‘catch’. I WAS WRONG…..I assume someone had been at the beer garden a wee bit too long, and was sowing the seeds of one too many beers. It still kept me on edge the rest of the evening. Apparently all puking sends me into fits of worry and fear. God help me if she had a virus. EWWW. I’m telling myself that SURELY it was drunken vomiting……….or even sadly guilty bulimic vomiting……..but please, NOT STOMACH VIRUS VOMITING.

What is the proper social protocol for that situation? Does one gently call out “are you okay” when one doesn’t KNOW the puker or why she’s puking? Or is it okay to totally ignore the poor soul and RUN LIKE HELL?

Anyway-----that awful scenario aside, it was a GORGEOUS day, and we finalized it by going to my favorite winery—Adam Puchta. Well, the winery isn’t as large or busy as others, but the WINE is my favorite. Mind you I only do sweet wines, and they have several. We went to the gift shops, and I wanted to buy gifts for Teenie and her sister Marie, but the t-shirts were $20 apiece….and I love the girls, but that’s a lot for t-shirts. Especially tiny ones…they are little skinny minnies.

We then went to the tasting room where I asked for my favorite pseudo-red called Riefenstahler. It’s very sweet, and served cold (thank goodness….I don’t understand room temperature reds). I then asked for a sample of another favorite…….Vignoles. I’m guessing by reading some bottles at the grocery store that Vignoles can be sweet all the way to semi-dry. This version is pretty sweet. She asked if I wanted a key lime cookie with my sample----she had a look like I should know what she meant. I asked ‘for what’ and she explained…….a sip of Vignoles, a bite of key lime cookie and another sip of Vignoles and it tastes like a Margarita!! I thought to myself…..sure……whatev…..but I tried it, and to my absolute surprise IT TASTED LIKE A MARGARITA….with no salt!!! OMG!! The wine tasting girl said it was a Puchta-Rita. I ran back to the shop and bought 2 bottles of the Vignoles and 2 $6 canisters of key lime cookies. I’m gonna have to come up with something on my own….6 bucks for a couple of ounces of cookies sucked, BUT I had to share with Teenie and Marie. Marie is coming to town on the 1st, so we’ll PUCHTA-RITA it then!!




We went home and took some pictures of son #1 going to the homecoming of our local Catholic school…….he’s so handsome.






End of weekend. Didja ever think I’d end this? It’s a long one…..but there was SO much to tell!!

Oh, Stoogie announced the sweepstakes winner! Check it out if you haven’t already.

Happy Monday evening!

Work is cracking down on internet usage, so between that, cooking dinner and holding a PUPPY....it's been a long time blogging today.

toodles!!

Non-Confrontational

In other words, I generally turn tail and RUN. I don't like confrontation. I LOVE it in my mind....I go over scenarios where I SMASH another person's self esteem to SMITHEREENS....I have quick one liners that STING.....I can hold my own, I WIN.......but in real life, I just smile and nod when faced with people that make my life crazy.

For instance, take today. A jolly fellow calls and asks for information. I don't know WHY he felt the need to tell a stupid joke at the end of our call. Wasn't my unemotional monotone ENOUGH to clue him in that I was NOT INTERESTED? Apparently not. Here it goes.....and folks, he thought this was funny enough to chuckle throughout telling.......'Why did the pit bull cross the road?"

Are you HANGING?
Just wait.....

Seriously....you won't believe it....


TAAAAA DAAAAAAA

'To get her lipstick'

Yes internet......he said it....and because it was WORK RELATED, and I must be POLITE....I had to give some sort of semblance of a chuckle........I didn't WANT to, so it may have come out like an agonized croak, but I managed to do at least that.

Oh, hey, but I did manage to STICK IT TO THE MAN.....or my version of such. It was anonymous, so it was easier for me. A Marine recruiter called asking for son #1. He isn't here, so I offered to take a message (I could see from the caller ID that it was the G.O.V.E.R.N.M.E.N.T). He gave his name and told me he was from the Marines and he'd call son #1 back. I said "Please don't". And he made me tell him WHY......(because I don't want my kid killed for a war WE SHOULDN'T EVEN FREAKING BE IN)..So I told Mr. Marine that he was going to college and wouldn't be entering the military.

How was THAT for the middle finger waving at him.....over the phone.......? Yeah, that's what I THOUGHT. HOOOOAAAAAHHHHH THAT, sucker!!

But then, on Monday, when I was on my quest for that t-shirt? Remember? I was walking out of Cato with visions of babydoll tunics and legging......hoping that I'd look HOT and not....well, NOT......and some voice says...."Ma'am??"......and I was all like 'who me?" Thinking CLEARLY that I'm way not old enough to be a Ma'am. And she asks me if I'm headed UP a particular street. I sort of was, but I lied. I told her I wasn't. She asked me ANYWAY if I'd give her a ride 'to her house'. I told her I wasn't going that way, and TURNED TAIL. I went a different route and went to KMart where I saw the Steve Irwin look that drew me in............KHAKI...JACKETS....WITH....EMULETS...ARE....NOT ....YOUR....FRIEND.

I know, I'm a wuss.

I have a personal message for my pal Stoogie. I WANT TO WWWIIIIINNNNNN. Hear that? I'd like to win the $1200 BOOTY you have. I can't promise NUDITY, but I will send you some APPLE BUTTER in return!

Happy Drunken Ghost Hunter Wednesday!!

I may have to DVR ghost hunters and begin the evening with Drunken Debate....then end with Drunken Ghost Hunters. Whew, it'll be a LATE nite for Perfectly.......I plan on taking notes this time.....so when everyone is talking debate I don't get that glazed look of ignorance.......I know who I like, I know who I'm voting for, and I'm just watching the Debate because that is what grown ups are supposed to do. Not drink wine and wait to be scared by Ghost Hunters.

On another side note (since I've run my one topic post into the ditch ONCE AGAIN), puppies are ADORABLE, but they fart like nasty old men. Since I've begun this post, I've been looking around for steaming piles......and so far, I don't see anything but the pup......he must've eaten SOMETHING that didn't agree.....phew.......

He doesn't like the rain, however. He stood and trembled at the door, but FINALLY...ON COMMAND (she says proudly), he PEED......YEAH DEX!!

Okay, NOW Happy Drunken Ghost Hunters Wednesday!!!