I measured my Wiener

He needs a sweater. Teenie got a sewing machine for Christmas, and she may attemt a rudimentary cloak or something. I also put in a plea to my favorite all-in-one Author/Blogger/Knitter/Baker---and figure she's laughing her ass off at my and Dex's expense. (tell me, oh great author, how does one properly say 'my and Dex's' expense???? How I said it doesn't sound right)

Ph.D. is also a knitter....so maybe I could implore HER to pull out the dusty knitting needles and make my baby puppy a sweater!

Oh, in case any Knitter/Blogger/Author (or Ph.D.) is reading this.......we LOVE orange. Like the hat. Only just in case delicate yarn is expensive and non-washable, we need cheap and pee proof. Or pee washable.

He has very strange measurments, or my skills as a pseudo seamstress SUCK. He's approximately 15 inches long from his neck to his butt. He's approx 13 inches around in his widest belly/barrel chest part, and his front leg from pit to paw is 5 inches.

I've already told my favorite MelissaLion about my desire for a sweater and she hasn't shown herself for a while, so she either forgot I STALK HER and know all her mad skillz, or she's hiding hoping I never bring it up again.....how awkward...'Hi Stranger that isn't really a total stranger.....knit my weiner a sweater'. Here is her potential response: "oh, hi...you weird stalker-ish person......make your OWN dam weiner sweater'.

Ph.D.......you can't tell me that......you know how horribly my 'vision' in the artsy world is.......just tell be to blow off.

As long as I'm asking for the moon.....I want a painting. Certain individuals that read this blog will KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

maybe they'll take payments..... $5 a month for the rest of my LIFE? My first=born? (He likes you better anyway---)

Hmmmm.....what else do I want? Oh...I know.....Stoogie's identity and Crissy's phone number (so I can call her and we can TALK FOR HOURS). I'd take MelissaLion's phone number too..........

Anyone??? Anyone? Bueller? Anybody have any of that information for me?

Okay....just e-mail me or something.......I know you guys probably don't want your phone numbers and identities shown on my ever-so-popular blog..........sigh. It's tough being me.

Toodles for today!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Hi everyone!! ARE YOU READY FOR MY FIRST BLOG OF 2009? Because it's chock full-o pictures and the retelling of funny stories. Or at least funny if you were there......You know the kind.

First of all, I must show you pictures of my sleepy puppies. Yeah, this is how we roll most of the time. I HAD to get pictures of Dex sleeping with his little teeth sticking out. It's too cute. In order, it is Dex, Buster (the snappy one) and Copper (the very sweet, but not so bright of the three).





Oh yes, then there Christmas Eve, when Son #1 hit the garage door....he began backing out before the door was open. Yes, stress (mine) ensued, but so far, all seems well....it groans a little upon opening and closing, but it seems to function alright (keep your fingers crossed on that, though.....)



Okay, then New Year's eve. WE went for Chinese food, and played the game of 'Dirty Minds" at my house afterwards. It was tons of fun. Teenie brought us LIGHT UP PRINCESS CROWNS for the New Year, which we wore to the restaurant. Perfectly's dad and Mr. Perfectly wouldn't co-operate and wear their hats, though. Party Poopers.

Here we are (me Teenie and Perfectly's dad), then Me and Teenie in front of the HUGE screen in Hunan Restaurant.




So, we played "Dirty Minds" a game where clues to a word are given. The word is totally normal, and lame, but the clues sure sound DIRTY!! It was alot of fun, even if I had to read the nasty to my own dad. Sheesh.

here we all are playing the game:






here is Teenie winning Dirty Minds:




here is 2009 in New York City. It's 11 pm our time. Teenie gets emotional when watching Dick Clark slur his way through New Year's Rockin' Eve. I think he may have just been drunk because he sure kissed his wife alot on the air:

My stepdad has to have open heart surgery (bypass) on Tuesday, so think of him that day if you will.......Positive thoughts can't hurt, now can they?

Oh, I've got MORE, but this is enough for one post----I know you all are yawning as I type, right?

See you tomorrow!!!

New Year’s Eve….AGAIN!!

Okay, here’s the plan for this evening. As long as the place is open, we will be dining at a Chinese restaurant, and partaking in a huge volcano drink thingy (or 7). Then we will be retiring to my house or Perfectly’s Dad’s house for games and merriment. Unless after we eat and drink, we poop out.

Okay, so you may be asking yourselves “what does she mean if the place is open….Chinese places NEVER CLOSE!!”. Well, that’s what you think. I live in small city Missouri, where there are no really GOOD Chinese places. And the couple of places that are okay have really weird hours. Remember my FAVORITE Mexican place? El Jimidor? The one with $1.50 margaritas on Monday and Thursday nights? You know the one I talk about ALL THE TIME? Well, they are the busiest place in town. AND there are 3 locations in our 38,000 population city. THREE LOCATIONS!! That should show you how popular this place is. It’s cheap, it’s decent food, and CHEAP MARGARITAS!! Well, THEY are closing at 7pm tonight. WTF?? You’d think on New Year’s eve they’d sell TONS of FULL PRICE Margaritas…..and food…….and BEER!!! (Beer is the drink of choice for the ‘boys’ in this town). So, since the Chinese place we want to go to is 3 doors down from the Mexican place in the same strip mall, I’m thinking we may be SOL. I don’t really have a plan ‘B’, so I guess I’d better get onto the internet and find out how to make those volcano drinks, because we may be lighting them at HOME.

I had a very pleasant surprise this morning. SOMEONE BROUGHT ME A PRESENT!!! This never happens. See, it all started on the 19th. We had our work gift exchange and snack day. Our section is pretty small, therefore we include the “IT” (information technology, for those of you not hip with the lingo) section in this small celebration as well. They are a small group too, and we are the only two sections of our whole department that work on this floor, so we sort of hang out together a lot. As far as section hanging out goes, that is.

ANYWAY…….one of the ladies that works in our IT section used to work for my husband. I drew her name as the person to buy a gift for. We have a $15 limit. I try to use my money, savvy and coupons wisely to purchase something really nice for the person I buy for. She indicated on her ‘wish list’ that she wanted earrings and candles. I went to JC Penney---found a boxed set of supposedly real gemstone earrings set in silver and plated in gold---normally $50 (ahem…right), on sale for $17.99. I had a $10 coupon for any purchase at JC Penney, so I used that, then bought her a Vanilla Honey candle as well.

That day she brought some sort of cream cheese dip for her contribution to snack day. It was a sweet, slightly spicy concoction with crackers! It was cream cheese and some sort of mix in. We all LOVED it! She told us it was HER VERSION of some high dollar jam from Harry and David. She picked up a similar product—a sweet/spicy onion and pepper jam at the grocery store (instead of $15 or so at Harry and David) and used it as her mix in with cream cheese. IT WAS SOO GOOD! I looked at the same grocery store and couldn’t find the stuff…….so I emailed her earlier this week asking where she found it at the grocery and she told me. I was so excited to make it myself! And today, people, she brought me in a jar of the jam AND a block of cream cheese! How sweet was THAT?? Someone thought of me!! And, she wouldn’t let me give her any money to re-pay her!! So, now I can impress everyone with MY dip tonight. Except Mr. Perfectly who hates cream cheese or anything with cream cheese in it. Which eliminates like HALF of the really good crap in the world. He also doesn’t like Marscapone cheese…….he’s such a party pooper.

So, internet, do any of YOU know how to make those firey volcano drinks? If so, send on the recipes….because we may be eating La Choy tonight if there isn’t any place open.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, Everyone!!!!

New Year's Eve!!

Hi, everyone!! Didja miss me? If you didn’t, then LIE, PEOPLE!!!!!

Christmas was nice, but I have to say, I’m glad it’s over. This year I just wasn’t feeling it like normal. Usually I’m ALL ABOUT Christmas, and lights and ornaments, but this year? Nah……it seemed like another day….

So, how was YOUR Christmas? Tell me all about it!!

And after you tell me about Christmas, PLEASE help me decide what some fun plans would be for New Year’s Eve. It’ll be just me, Mr. P, Perfectly’s Dad and Teenie. We aren’t clubbers (even if we were there AREN’T any in my town), so we need some awesome ideas, themes, or ANYTHING else that would be fun to do!!!! Oh, and if you’d like to join us………let me know that too…….you’ll have to get yourself here, and sleep on a hide a bed in a basement…..with dogs and a cat that LOVE new people sleeping where there are normally not people. Oh, and of course I’ll have to screen you through Mr. P. He’s particular about who sees him in his pj pants.

Mr. Perfectly and I have been suffering with some scourge or plague. It’s fraught with snot and sputum and long bouts of coughing. Yeah….now I KNOW you all will want to hang out with us on NYE…….we make one attractive couple!

Well, despite my long absence, I am really out of thoughts for the time being. Soon, I’ll sit down and hit y’all HARD with one of my long drawn out posts about the mundane life I live.

Unless, of course, something more exciting happens in the meantime.

Get me those NEW YEAR’S EVE ideas…..I really need some creative things to impress Teenie with. So far, I’ve come up with NOTHING and would love to show my ‘prowess’ in event planning.

I’ll anxiously await your fabulous Christmas stories and ideas for a NYE soiree!!

HEY, HEY….YOU, YOU

I’ve been told at times in my life that I have nice eyes. Dingo has recently told me that I have nice skin (maybe Dingo needs cheater glasses, because, I think my skin is not so pretty). I’ve also been told I have a nice smile (that is what people tell you when they don’t want to have to say you are pretty overall……..I know the rules…..)

Anyway, my sons have stunning eyes. I’d like to think it’s all because of me, but since my husband has beautiful blue eyes, I can’t take ALL the credit. My eyes vary in color. Between blue, blue/green, and even sometimes green---but mostly blue and blue/green.

Anyway, it was family picture time (ahem, a little late this year). We like to take photos and have them made into Christmas cards.

This was on Saturday, and it was BITTERLY cold—we decided to go to the Capital Building (which is common for us…it’s one of Mr. Perfectly’s favorite photography places). I shopped in the a.m. with my Daddy, and we all (all being me, Mr. P, son #2, Heather (my niece), and Maddison (my great niece) went to lunch.

I raced home to get ready for pictures. We were going to be all matching in white shirts and jeans (original, I know). I applied the makeup a little heavier than normal, and tried to accentuate the eyes……I was going for Avril Lavigne---with eyes all smokey and dark? Yeah, not so much.

My eyes look all small and squinty—and my MOUTH? It’s lopsided!!!! The photo session was fun and relaxed, so why do I look like a) a fat, squinty elf, and b) OLD. I look old.

I tried to leave my hair curly—and I look like an OLD wire haired terrier. With squinty eyes and a lopsided smile.

But, since that’s the only photo session we had, here you go. Oh, take a look at Heather and Maddie. GORGEOUS…..STUNNING…..BEAUTIFUL. Seriously.






This is my favorite---too bad Mr.Perfectly isn't in the picture.






See? The boys look handsome, EVERYONE looks good, but me. I know it's easy to be self critical, but I feel like this isn't REPRESENTATIVE of me......I am NOT OLD. Do you hear me, Internet? NOT OLD.

So, why do I LOOK old and shiny and squinty?

Sigh.....next year, I'll go for Marilyn Monroe or something. Avril didn't quite do it for me this year.

Toodles for now. Happy Monday.

Santa Baby.......

I don’t want a sable under the tree. What I’ve decided I really want is a new stove. One with a flat/glass/porcelain or WHATEVER top (it must have a black oven door since our new microwave is black). Internet, I am not a good housekeeper, and I am TI-RED of my stove looking like it was delivered from the bowels of hell. Yeah, Yeah, I know. Keep it clean, Perfectly, and it WOULDN’T LOOK LIKE THAT, right? Easier said than done. I have all these good intentions of washing out the drip trays every evening, and pulling knobs off every few days, and even working on the smoodge that gets on the side of the stove---between the stove and the cabinet? But it never seems to work out that I get that sort of thing done.

I also want Santa to bring me new bathroom flooring, and a new bathroom tub wall surround---a FANCY one that matches the NEW FLOORING!!! There’s one of these commercial chain places at our mall that has what new tub surrounds can LOOK LIKE and let me tell you-----I WANT ONE. Our house is older and actually, believe it or not, I really love our little bathroom….the sink, toilet and tub are all gray----kind of retro-ish (thank you to the previous owners for not putting in turquoise or pink or something)….gray is so interesting compared to white. And they make this marble looking stuff that you plaster on the walls and it has built in soap holders and stuff!!!! IT WOULD MATCH MY TUB!! I do have a requirement of the new bathroom flooring, though. It must be self cleaning. Like the oven I want.

**SPOILER ALERT** SPOILER ALERT** If you are my secret Santa and read my blog……STOP NOW….WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW TO FINISH……..please?

The rest of you, please continue, and we apologize for the interruption in regularly scheduled blogging.

At work we are having our ‘Secret Santa’ this week. I wanted to do it. No body else seemed as enchanted as I did about it, but, still, there are 6 of us doing it , and it’s FUN!! It’s fun going to my little cubby set up JUST FOR SANTA and finding trinkets there EVERY DAY! I think someone should give me stuff daily FOREVER---not just the week before Christmas. So far, I’ve received a votive holder with a soy votive candle (Plumeria, I believe), 2 packages of my FAVORITE coffee cookies (Hit Biscuits----go back into the depths of the archives, people….I’ve covered my love of these tasty little treats). And yesterday, I got a note pad with a little magnet---WITH A DACHSHUND on it. JUST LIKE MY BABY PUPPY, DEX!!

So, my Santa is thoughtful and is giving me things she knows I will like. I really appreciate that. The thought process is very sweet----so of course THAT leads me to believe I’ve figured out who it is. And here’s the kicker………I am HER secret Santa……and I’ve been working my rear off to provide her with little gifts that I think SHE will appreciate. Such as bath & body works hand sanitizer---because, like me, she’s mildly germaphobic and a book about Chinese New Year (since her daughters are from China). I got her a miniature snow globe with her name on it, I got her a cake plate….literally---a plate in the shape of a piece of cake (she decorates cakes!!---cute idea, huh??)…today she’s getting a $5 gift card to a coffee place that she likes to take her girls---and tomorrow? That’s the Piece de resistance (sorry, I don’t know how to get those little marks over the letters……..). IT’S A RICK SPRINGFIELD Christmas CD. In high school she ADORED Rick Springfield……..and when I saw the Christmas CD, I knew it HAD to be one of her gifts. Please don’t let her read this blog…PLEASE DON’T LET HER READ IT……..

Now, see? I tried to be personal and thoughtful as well. We compliment one another regarding gift giving. Now if she’d only shove that stove I want into my little Secret Santa cubby---it would be PERFECT.

Okay---that’s it for now.

Enjoy this rainy (at least in Missouri) Thursday----let’s hope it only rains and doesn’t freeze.

Toodles!!

Cookies!!

I don't like to bake. Do you? And as far as baking goes, cookies to me are the ABSOLUTE worst---I mean really---one batch in, out to cool, repeat, and repeat and REPEAT.

So, internet, why today am I in the mood to make COOKIES? I am clueless as to how my addled brain gets these nutty ideas. I am sure I'll regret the cookie making of 2008 before the day is over.

So, tell me, what are some of your favorite cookie recipes? I know, I know, chocolate chip....M & M, Oatmeal......but really, people, what is your favorite NON-BASIC cookies? Here are the ones I'm thinking of tackling today:

Graham cracker toffee (toffee-ish candy over graham crackers)
Mint thins (ritz crackers dipped in minty chocolate with candy canes crushed on them)
Forgotten Cookies (meringue cookies)
Maybe some oatmeal, choc chip, cranberry cookies?

I've already made the graham cracker toffee--it's the easiest thing in the WORLD to make....and it's generally pretty popular!!

1 and 1/2 sticks butter (BUTTER not margarine)oh, and I use salted.....I know baking pros always say use UN salted, but I always have salted in the house, so that is what I use.
3/4 c brown sugar
1 t vanilla
3/4 chopped pecans or almonds (optional)
graham crackers.

Line a cookie sheet with aluminum foil (ease of cleaning only)
spray foil w non-stick spray (lightly)
line entire cookie sheet with graham crackers

melt butter and sugar into a heavy bottomed saucepan over med heat. Boil and stir for 2 minutes.

After 2 minutes, remove from heat, add nuts and vanilla BE CAREFUL---VANILLA CAUSES THIS VOLATILE MIXTURE TO BUBBLE AND POP----stir in well.

pour brown sugar mixture over all graham crackers

bake in 350 oven for 10 minutes.

Let cool completely, break into random pieces and serve.


HELLOOOOO---can it be any easier? Or yummier? Today, I added chocolate chips to a third of them and let them melt. We'll see if this adds or detracts from the toffee goodness of the originals. Toffee is my absolute favorite candy--so these are one of my all time favorites. That and the forgotten cookies........my grandma Winnie made them every year...and they were always my favorite.

Okay---office gifts. Mr. Perfectly has to come up with 15 (maybe 13) office gifts. He wanted to get embroidered polo shirts for everyone---with the name of their group on it. Well---the budget won't allow THAT, so we are back to square one. He wants to get something 'DIFFERENT' every year, so we are running out of ideas.

I had an idea, and so far he's ignored me.......we could get a bunch of dried beans and spices and make those 'soup in a jar' type of recipes. Then in a homey/kitchy way, type up a cooking recipe, attach to the jar of goods, and let the people add their own water, stock or leftover turkey (or whatever)..........do you think that's too stupid? Cheap? Backwoods?

We can't spend alot, and this would be reflective of him, since we do cook alot...and enjoy it.....(hey, I'm grasping here).

I NEED IDEAS!!! 5 bucks and under. No alcohol. No popcorn tins, coffee mugs or baked goods. No pens, ornaments or anything ELSE that is feasible, because he'd be REPEATING it (she pulls her HAIR OUT).

Okay, I want your favorite cookies and cheap gift ideas. BRING IT ON, PEOPLE!!!

Toodles, for now.