Tuesday, January 6, 2009

I measured my Wiener

He needs a sweater. Teenie got a sewing machine for Christmas, and she may attemt a rudimentary cloak or something. I also put in a plea to my favorite all-in-one Author/Blogger/Knitter/Baker---and figure she's laughing her ass off at my and Dex's expense. (tell me, oh great author, how does one properly say 'my and Dex's' expense???? How I said it doesn't sound right)

Ph.D. is also a knitter....so maybe I could implore HER to pull out the dusty knitting needles and make my baby puppy a sweater!

Oh, in case any Knitter/Blogger/Author (or Ph.D.) is reading this.......we LOVE orange. Like the hat. Only just in case delicate yarn is expensive and non-washable, we need cheap and pee proof. Or pee washable.

He has very strange measurments, or my skills as a pseudo seamstress SUCK. He's approximately 15 inches long from his neck to his butt. He's approx 13 inches around in his widest belly/barrel chest part, and his front leg from pit to paw is 5 inches.

I've already told my favorite MelissaLion about my desire for a sweater and she hasn't shown herself for a while, so she either forgot I STALK HER and know all her mad skillz, or she's hiding hoping I never bring it up again.....how awkward...'Hi Stranger that isn't really a total stranger.....knit my weiner a sweater'. Here is her potential response: "oh, hi...you weird stalker-ish person......make your OWN dam weiner sweater'.

Ph.D.......you can't tell me that......you know how horribly my 'vision' in the artsy world is.......just tell be to blow off.

As long as I'm asking for the moon.....I want a painting. Certain individuals that read this blog will KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

maybe they'll take payments..... $5 a month for the rest of my LIFE? My first=born? (He likes you better anyway---)

Hmmmm.....what else do I want? Oh...I know.....Stoogie's identity and Crissy's phone number (so I can call her and we can TALK FOR HOURS). I'd take MelissaLion's phone number too..........

Anyone??? Anyone? Bueller? Anybody have any of that information for me?

Okay....just e-mail me or something.......I know you guys probably don't want your phone numbers and identities shown on my ever-so-popular blog..........sigh. It's tough being me.

Toodles for today!!


MsDarkstar said...

Well, that was certainly a tittilating post title! I know not how to knit or sew. I can't paint worth a damn, either, so I guess unless you want bath bombs for your weiner (which I cannot imagine being a good thing) I believe I am off the creative hook. Unless you want bath bombs for yourself... in which case, we can talk!

Good luck with getting a sweater/coat/weiner warmer!

Perfectly Shelly said...


Hey, I like that!! A weiner warmer!! (snickers like a 12 yr old).

Daisee579 said...

I can crochet, but I have never attempted anything other than blankets and caps/hats (my mom lost her hair to chemo and needed something quick and easy). Hmmm, I wonder if I could attempt a weiner sweater or if it would turn into a horribly frustrating mess. The luck I've had lately, it would be a huge mess and likely end up burning down my house in the process. Even though crocheting uses nothing with flames or heat. Yeah, that's how bad my luck's been lately.

Perfectly Shelly said...

DAISEE!!! I totally don't want to be responsible for flames and burning.......

But I totally understand how crocheting could lead to that. it would at my house, too.

How was your New Year with visiting family?

Kristen said...

Target frequently has doggie jackets in the dollar bins.

You might want to check that out too!

And no, Stoogie and Ken aren't the same person but they SO ARE!!! I told Stoogie that if Ken dies that I'll be at his house in my wedding dress.

He promised to keep his tux pressed for me...

The transition should be smooth as silicone lube.

Oh jesus.

I'm turning into them aren't I???

Perfectly Shelly said...

Well, Mr. Crissy is getting BOLD in his comments to ML----so I was just checking.....

By the way, Mr. Crissy is very handsome as well. Since I'm not as brash as he and Stoogie, I felt it maybe a little too forward in a new blogship to mention 'Hey, your husband is HHOOOOOTTTT'.

But in case you hadn't noticed, he is.

Anonymous said...

Well you know I have no time for these things anymore...but interestingly enough, I have already knitted a wiener sweater (see here http://hearthwench.tripod.com/warmers.html for pattern)
once in my life as a joke for my Dad's christmas stocking. He is a hunter/fisherman as you know, and I thought it might keep his ummmm "element" warm while he was out in the elements. It was while I lived in far away city, so I wasn't there when he opened it, but apparently he was very embarrassed and surprisingly annoyed. I thought he would laugh. So sorry, one willie warmer per lifetime is all that is allowed. BTW, baby boy is home resting now and seems to be doing better.


Kristen said...

I have Stoogie's identity AND my phone number. I think we have the Lioness's number too.

Get out your check book and meet me at the Taco Bell parking lot in twenty minutes.