Generation Gap

How does a mother explain to her 17 yr. old son that he doesn't have a BIG butt? He has a very high, round, firm butt that is attractive to the opposite sex.


There is SO much wrong with the above for SO many reasons. He thinks his butt is big, when actually is very cute and proportionate to his frame....so when he worries about it I try to give him positive feedback, an it comes out so weird.


Let's break this down: Son complains about his big butt. Being the good mother I am, I attempt to reassure said son that indeed he does NOT have a big butt, but a very nicely proportioned hind end. He looks so cute in his football pants, we can ALWAYS tell which one he is when his number isn't visible because of his cute tush.


This translates somewhere between MOMMY and PEDOPHILE; and those two words should never be used in the same sentence!!

Dear Football Fans:

I appreciate your enthusiasm for the game, but might I offer some suggestions?

1. Please stop screaming at the referees. They are the authority figure here, and really don't CARE what it is you have to offer;

2. Stop disparaging every other kid making mistakes BUT YOUR OWN;

3. If you are the parent/grandparent/guardian of smaller children, don't allow them to encroach on others in the stands, such as drooling over my nachos, swinging the extra large jacket of yours that they are wearing in my face, or practicing the singing of their ABC’s in my left ear. Oh, and please tell them not to do the uber high pitched scream that only a 5 yr old can accomplish when there is NOTHING to be screaming about!

Please teach children PRIOR to coming to a public event, like a football game, that loudly expelling LETHAL smelling gas is not acceptable, or that the kids shouldn’t discuss amongst themselves how if one of them decided to KILL someone that he’d only go to ‘juvie’ which is different than jail.


Thanks so much for your time,


Me