Tuesday, April 21, 2009

ETIQUETTE

I’ve always known that I am not ‘up’ on formal etiquette. I know what a salad fork is, and although I slump over my food like I’m guarding it, I do know some basic table manners.

However, things like party protocol, and invitations, and RSVP-ing are all foreign to me. As a matter of fact, despite my Grandma Winnie's HUGE lectures and objections, I didn’t even send thank-you notes for my wedding gifts. Yes, today I cringe at that, but as a 21 year old girl with wedding loot, it didn’t seem so important. I MEANT to get it done, but time just slipped by.

So, this graduation gig is purposefully informal. A barbecue with burgers, weenies and probably some smoked chicken for sandwiches. I’ll put out a few condiments, some chips and call it good.

I got Son #1’s announcements and pre-stuffed what I could so when his pictures were done and my barbecue invite stuffers were cut and ready to go, I could just slip them in and seal those babies up.

Today, I hand delivered the first two announcements. My niece, Heather, opened hers and proceeded to immediately take the son’s name card and….get this…..STICK IT IN THE PRE CUT CORNER HOLES specifically for the name cards.

Well, hit me upside the head, people!! I had no idea!! I just shoved the name cards down into the announcement like the pictures, and invitation stuffer. I didn’t even KNOW that there was a PLACE for each name card.

I am so embarrassed. What if the rich aunt or friend is so OFFENDED that I missed a crucial step to the Graduation Announcement process that they don’t send MONEY??

My kid could be missing on fives or even TENS of dollars over my faux pas!! I suppose now I’m going to have to make baked beans from SCRATCH instead of opening a few cans and slapping some bacon on top, huh?

Damn.

So, for all you high falutin’ folks in big cities and who are all important and uppity, maybe you don’t want to be my friend. I slug down wine, I hunch over the table, I laugh out loud and sometimes my silverware even clatters to the table. I don’t slip the name cards into the pre-cut slots designed for them……

Sigh.

Auntie, or distant family friend……please don’t take it personally that I neglected such an integral step of the announcement process. SEND MONEY ANYWAY. Tuition will be due soon, and well…..you know.

And don’t be alarmed. Son #1 WILL send thank you notes, even if I have to forge his signature. I promise.

Happy Tuesday!!

6 comments:

Daisee579 said...

This post makes me want to be your friend even more. I'm smart, my parents raised me well, but yet, I still have a stack of thank you notes that never got mailed - we were married 4 years ago. I slurp wine out of the wrong glasses. I eat with the wrong fork and sometimes with my elbows on the table. And I don't even know how to make baked beans - from a can or otherwise.

The question is, after all of this, will you still want to be MY friend?? LOL

Perfectly Shelly said...

DAISEE!! Of COURSE I want to be your friend. We can guzzle our wine and laugh in the face of thank you notes TOGETHER!!!

Oh, don't forget, if it's a bad allergy time, I may need to blow my nose publicly, as well!!

Kristen said...

Do you know what I do with Char's party invitations?

I put confetti in them so that when people open them it makes a holy mess.

Hahahahahahaha!!!

People love having to get out the dust pan and brush and crawl around on the floor.

So yeah. Don't worry your pretty little head, dear one. If you want, I'll send them all an invite to Char's birthday and they'll hate me instead.

Kristen said...

Also, may I come to the party to guzzle wine with you? I'm almost done being knocked up, you know.

Perfectly Shelly said...

Crissy--HELL YES you can come to the party.

And, I'm ashamed to say (not really) that if confetti was poured around at my house, I doube I'd get the dustpan and brush.

It'd probably stay there til the dogs swept it to the corners with their little sweeper tails......then it would stay until someone came to visit......

Daisee....start a list.....we'll need more wine.

Daisee579 said...

I'm on it. I don't sweep up the dog hair until either my hub gets nuts from allergies or we have someone coming over. So check on that tidbit too. I'm so bad...

BUT, I am getting better, I promise.