Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Ashes, Ashes we ALL fall down!!!!

Yes, it’s Ash Wednesday. I’m not Catholic, so I’m not sure what that represents. The beginning of Lent maybe? I’m really not any religion, hence my ignorance about anything God/Jesus/Mary-related. I know, I know… I could read up on it, or study things to learn, but WHY? Why, when there’s QVC and American Idol to watch?

It just brings up a funny story, is all. It’s about Jakki, who is WORLD RENOWNED for the awkward situations she puts herself in.

Many moons ago, Ms. Jakki encountered one of our beloved co-workers in the common space where we work. Being the good friend that she is, she discreetly proceeded to tell our friend that she ‘had something on her forehead’ and tried to wipe it off for this gal. Jakki was met with a near VIOLENT reaction to her good intentions. Unbeknownst to Jakki, it was Ash Wednesday. Each year our friend always reminds Jakki that it’s Ash Wednesday, so Jakki doesn’t try to wipe her forehead off.

Why is it when re-telling other people’s stories, they don’t sound NEARLY as funny as when they happened? Huh? This was a post all set to send you into fits of coffee-out-of-the-nose laughter. When I read over that paragraph, it doesn’t look nearly as funny on paper.

Yesterday, I watched on of our Facilities Management employees take an empty (I hope) soda can and put water in it from a water fountain, then drink it. This made me realize I have some really strange hang ups. Like this. I don’t like to drink things out of a different container than it’s supposed to be in. First of all, I don’t do water fountains. You never know who may have tongued the spigot. But I also couldn’t use a soda can to drink water from. That’s not what belongs in that container. I’d never re-use a cup from a fast food place by putting OTHER drinks in it----like milk in an empty (even clean) slushie cup. It just doesn’t BELONG there…you know?

I don’t like events to occur at places they shouldn’t. Like teeth brushing. This is an activity that needs to happen in the BATHROOM. Not walking through the house, or especially in the kitchen. DO NOT spit in my kitchen sink.

Oh….don’t dump kitchen waste in the bathroom either. Especially the toilet. WHY????? We have a garbage disposal that works, DON’T DUMP STUFF IN THE BATHROOM!! I know, those of you with dishwashers can’t FATHOM why this may be necessary, but if you have a sink full of soapy water, and dishes, and a clean sink next to it filled with dishes to be rinsed, then run across a glass of gross stuff, or a bowl that didn’t get scraped out and rinsed….what do you DO? You wait until the clean dishes are rinsed, dump the offending matter, re-scour the clean sink and proceed onward. YOU DO NOT flush it down the toilet!

Don’t floss at work. Now I keep a box of floss in my desk for emergency situations… popcorn getting stuck or something. But the flossing is limited to correct an issue, and done discreetly. Yesterday, I saw a guy at his desk with his arms bent , elbows sticking straight out, mouth WIDE open with the floss just a goin’. While I respect good oral hygiene, DUDE……floss at home….or in the bathroom……but not where I can SEE YOU.

Don’t hock up loogies at work, either. I am a girl with allergies like you wouldn’t believe, and I produce an enormous amount of ‘drainage’. I’m sure I gross out my co-workers every half second with my nose blowing. BUT there’s a fine line in a sneeze, and a blow and a full-on loogie producing show. C’mon!! Mostly it’s men that do this……..but there’s an occasional lady who hocks one up now and then, and it’ NASTY!! Oh, and why is it that men (I’ve yet to see a girl do this) find the need to SPIT a huge wad of whatever the MOMENT they walk out of a door? Our main entrances, ALL THE WAY to our parking lot is LITTERED with spit wads. WHY?

Well, that’s about all I’ve got today. Remember, don’t let anyone wipe that smear off of your forehead today-----

Toodles for now!!


Kristen said...

Lynne and I have spent the better part of the morning discussing ashy heads and lent and sending each other someeecards about what we're giving up for lent this year.

I won't tell you what they say. They're mostly obscene.

We don't really do lent. Or ashes.

Daisee579 said...

I was raised Catholic and once I moved to the South, discovered a new game I had to deal with every Lenten season. It's called "don't wipe that off, it's supposed to be there I'm Catholic and it's there on purpose." Or "yes, it's Lent, a mostly Catholic holiday season and it's important I don't eat today or don't eat meat today." We have a lot of rules. Right now I'm trying out Episcopal, but they have almost all the same rules. When I lived in NJ, no one bothered me with my ashes, but that's because they all had some too. When I lived in AZ, no one bothered me about the rules, because there's a crap load of Mormons who have lots of rules too. (no caffeine???!!!) But here in the good ole South, if you're not Baptist, you're just not going to Heaven. And forget explaining the ashes or Lent - and heaven forbid you're Jewish or Buddist!! Yeesh.

So happy Ash Wednesday. Don't wipe off my forehead, Jakki. And no, I won't go to the all-you-can-eat buffet tonight, but I will have some tasty crab legs with you on Fridays.

Daisee579 said...

P.S. I want to see Crissy and Lynne's Lenten sacrifices. I wish I had a friend like that at work.

Perfectly Shelly said...

My dad's family is Methodist and my mom's is Community of Christ (formerly known as Reorganized Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints). I used to get called Mormon all the time.

I went to church as a teenager, but in all reality, I was going for the social aspect of it, and not any deep spirituality. Kind of sad, but true....and probably true to alot of teens.

I'm sort of a skeptic--Not that I don't believe in SOMETHING, but I resent organized religion telling me that gay is 'wrong' or other lifestyles are 'wrong' or whatever churches decide is right or wrong at the moment. It seems quite hypocritical to me.

I tend to question things presented to there was Adam and Eve...then Cain and able......right? Then one of the boys was BANISHED from Eden and proceeded to marry and have children.

UMMMMMM.......where did he find a woman? Eve was IT!!!!

I gave up on reading the Bible after that short stint into it when nobody could answer my question except to tell me that I needed to have 'faith' that it was true and correct.

Now, for those who DO have deep faith and understanding of things, GO FOR IT. I'd never criticize or hinder anyone from their own personal belief system.........I'm a strong supporter of be who you are.....