Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Mortification abounds

I’m so sorry, internet fans (oh, yea….it’s just one…Mr. Perfectly)…but I temporarily lost my blogging groove. Call it laziness, or uninspired, whatever you want. I’ve been online reading a BUNCH of blogs, and I want all of you to be my new BFF’s. I just love getting to know you and reading your clever, witty orations.

Taking a cue from Mamalogues, I’ve been wracking my brain trying to think of embarrassing moments. I can think of many, but none as mortifying as my BFF Jakki’s. It was a fine moment in history that bears looking back on as often as necessary to keep the morification embers alive.

Jakki, at one point in her life especially, ordered A LOT from catalogs—back then online ordering wasn’t in vogue. She received a call from UPS one day, and they’d been trying to deliver a package to her, and had been unable to find someone at home. She directed them to deliver it to her office address. We work for the State of Missouri……STATE. GOVERNMENT. She figured it was something she’d ordered for herself or her son…..possibly a shirt, some cute new outfit.

One day, shortly thereafter, a gal from our mailroom came up to deliver Jakki’s package. As mailroom gal stood there with package in hand, she explained that it is department policy to open ALL packages that arrive in the office. Jakki, without a care in the world, said “sure, that’s fine”. Mailroom Gal: “No, really, we have to open ALL packages”. Confused, Jakki again nodded her understanding of department procedure. Mail gal leaves and Jakki looks at her package. Her package full of ADULT. PLAY. TOYS. AND. VIDEOS.

Her husband (at the time) apparently placed an order, unbeknownst to Ms. Jakki. So, the mailroom IN OUR OFFICE opened a package with a hot pink dildo, French ticklers and some warming body oils. Oh yea, and the video; "Black Beauties".

If she could have melted into the lovely rust colored carpet squares in our office she would have. I still tease her that it was actually LEON in the mailroom that opened the package and send Suzanne up to deliver it. Can you imagine? Hmmmm, wonder what this could be? Oh look, our very own co-worker had SEX TOYS sent to her.....

To date, I've not heard of ANYTHING more mortifying that that. What about YOU? Lett's keep w/ Mamalogues theme here.......embarassing moments in life. Tell me ALL of them.....I want to get to know you!

Oh, and for the record...the story about the sex toys? Yea, it's real. Don't let Jakki tell you otherwise. If she is ever famous, I'll be RICH with the dirt I have on this girl.......

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