Thursday, October 11, 2007

Henny Penny

Elevator saga; part deux.

I was on the elevator w/ 9 of my co-workers including my BFF#2, Jakki. Jakki has issues w/ her personal space. DO NOT INVADE IT. Needless to say, Jakki wasn't faring very well during our stint in the stuck elevator. With 13 people.

Think of a boxing ring...I was in one corner, by the panels, and she was in the back--catty corner from me (or is it kitty corner? topic for another day...). I hear someone ask how she was doing in the middle of our shift in the elevator. She very quietly said something like: "I'm fine". I thought to myself in the midst of pushing buttons on the panel; "oh, she's so NOT fine".

Jakki is the most popular girl at work. She's adored by all, but many people truly don't KNOW her. I on the other hand, KNOW her. I couldn't see her because of the 11 other people between and around us, but the people who think she's calm, cool and collected? They are WRONG.

As we one by one got to climb the ladder to escape, she stepped on the bottom rung and with bionic determination, lifted her right leg ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP and launched herself out of that elevator. I was a couple of people behind her, so I didn't get to see her toddle off into NOWHERE, but I saw her coming back. As I exited the elevator, I spied her unsteadily wander my direction saying "I've got to go to the bathroom". This was a delayed panic attack if I'd ever seen one. My boss, who came out right behind me was talking to me, and rudely, I said "I"ve got to GO".

I followed a sobbing Jakki into the bathroom to find her wandering and crying. I tried as quickly as I could to grab paper towels to wet them for her (I'm a mom of 2 boys, and wet cloths work GREAT for a variety of ailments). My boss quickly followed us in, and grabbed Jakki's sweater she was wearing, proclaiming "you are SWEATING through this, take it off". Um...not a pleasant thought.

In the meantime, I'm frustrated because the water feels so WARM coming from the tap....I wanted COLD water, and it's just tepid. Jakki has a death grip on the row of sinks, and I just want her to RELAX. We are putting the sort of tepid compresses on the back of her neck to cool her off, and I realize I keep hitting the HOT spigot---duh. When you work in a building for nearly 20 yrs, and use the bathrooms daily and wash your hands after each visit, things sort of become habit......I use HOT water to wash my hands. So, with the knowledge of which spigot to use, I finally was able to produce a COLD compress. Upon using the cold compress on the back of her neck, I could visably see her shoulders relax, and she took a deep breath.

At the same time, a lady that works in our cafeteria came in and went into a stall. And as can ONLY happen to me and Jakki, the strange day only gets stranger. We hear the distinctive pfft...pfft....pfft sound that only a non-aresol spray bottle can make. You know, like hair spray or body scents or who knows what. I mean WHO would need to 'freshen' while there are people around?? The thing is that there was no smell. Not like a hairspray (yes, even UNSCENTED hair spray has a smell) or body spray or ANYTHING. What was the pfft...pfft....pfft?

At this point, I see Jakki giggle, and know that all is well. She's back. There's nothing left to to but mercilessly tease her about her tour of duty as henny penny---running through the building with her hands in the air after escaping the elevator. If she's ever famous, I'm SO writing a book.


Anonymous said...

Maybe she was going number two and wanted to hide the odor. Good lord though, I want my privacy and all that, but I haven't succumbed to carrying around Fabreeze.


MsDarkstar said...

Maybe she had some Poo~Pourri...

Unlike most air fresheners that try to mask odor, Patent Pending Poo~Pourri is designed to be sprayed directly onto the toilet bowl water before you go!

The all natural essential oil secret formula creates a barrier to embarrassing bathroom odors!