The Zoo I call Life

I live in a nutty, nutty world.

I'd like to point out a few things that are CRAZY in my life. I don't do bullet points, so y'all will have to deal with it my way...the not computer literate way.

1) My oldest son (whose now in college) doesn't want to talk to me. Unless he needs something. Like how to bake a frozen pizza without a pan. THE INSTRUCTIONS SAY HE NEEDS A PAN...HE DOESN'T HAVE A PIZZA PAN. What should he do? Can he bake it right on the rack? AM I SURE IT WILL BE OKAY BAKED RIGHT ON THE RACK??? Really sure????

2) Despite the fact college boy didn't want to converse with me, I decided to call him back to check the result of the pizza being baked on the rack instead of IN A PAN. And to make sure he turned off the oven and wasn't burning the dorm down on night #2. He was harried and out of breath when I reached him. He was freaked out because he didn't have any way to get the PIZZA OUT OF THE OVEN. He didn't have an OVEN MITT. I wanted to tell him to man up....that Bobby Flay just pulls crap out of pans and ovens with his BARE HANDS.......but instead of paying for a hospital co-pay, I reminded him that he had brand new hand towels in his room that he could use in lieu of an OVEN MITT.

3) When waiting to check him in to the dorm (prior to being able to move in), I sat next to a girl who'd apparently been waiting longer than she wished to for her turn to check in. She commented very softly that the people BEFORE the ones in the room at that time were there for 45 MINUTES. And she sighed real big. She kept talking in this little tiny mousey voice....I never could hear her....and after asking her to repeat herself several times, I just got up and left. I still was never sure if she was talking to me or to herself.

4) When moving son #1 INTO his dorm room, he was totally appalled that I was not going to be carrying his stuff into his room for him while he unpacked his clothing from a suitcase. He couldn't understand WHY he had to carry all that stuff in when he had UNPACKING to do.

5) My husband walked into the bathroom to put something away for Son #1, and encountered one of the OTHER guys from the OTHER room using their shared bathroom......yeah...dude..we'll shake hands later........sorry for the AWKWARD moment!! Learn to lock common doors before you take a whiz.

6) After a week of loud arguing, and packing and me freaking out over the move to the dorm....we left. We were on the road....I texted son #2 to let him know we were on the way to the college. He was at football Practice, and I thought it to be a nice mom thing to do to let him know we were leaving town. So I texted something like " We are on the way to Moberly....see you later!!". His response? "What are you doing there?". Seriously..........did you miss the fact that your brother graduated, packed and moved out of the house? That the shouting wasn't all for fun?

7) Today, Son #1 texted me asking me for some information regarding his internet access.....I called him (because texting is a pain in the ass), and he was annoyed to be talking to me. I gave him the place where he needed to go, and tried to talk to him and was met with a resounding "I don't want to talk to you!!", and a hang up. Literally a minute later a text from him came through "What room did you say it was?". If I wasn't such a wuss, I'd have said "you didn't want to TALK TO ME....remember??". But of course, I didn't. I saved his ass and gave him the info.


I am sad, nervous and wished he could live me forever. I'm also worried that somehow he WILL live with me forever. I don't understand how our lives seem so crazy when other's seem quite normal and easy.

Maybe other people have the same things happen to them........they just hide it and live the percieved 'perfect life' that I wish for. I swear........it's amazing that he managed to get out of his room by himself.........but yet he's old enough to hold a cigarette, or if ever drafted a freaking GUN.......it amazes me that people so young are expected to SURVIVE. It's scary, people.

Toodles for now.

Whew!! Tracey is alive and well.

Okay, I got all shaky and goofy this afternoon, and picked up the phone and DIALED Tracey’s sister. She, of course, was clueless as to who I was, but she was happy to give me Tracey’s cell number. I told her I remembered their dog (a great dane) and that Tracey’s room had horses all over it.

The sister told me that anyone who remembered they had a great dane from back then surely was being truthful.

I turned right around and left Tracey a voice mail---we’ll see if she remembers me and calls back.

I get all gushy and mushy when I think of old friends. I feel a special connection to those people I want to school with. Even if we weren’t friends---I feel a comradery with people. Like you guys. I’d rush to meet people I’ve become friendly with online…..because I feel that ‘connection’.

My BFF PhD doesn’t feel that way. People don’t make her all mushy feeling. If she wasn’t friends with them back then, she’s not going to strike up a friendship now. And I respect that….I’m just the opposite, though

But then my CRAZY sets in….what if people are SHOCKED at how fat I am. I know I go ON AND ON AND ON about this topic, but I really, REALLY used to be itty bitty skinny----and now, I’m legitimately obese---it’s not a matter of a few pounds a year.

And, like the Tracey thing….what if she thinks I’m some weirdo for calling her after 25 or 30 years. SURELY she’ll remember me. I’d go visit her in the summers after we moved. She visited us once….and I think commented on how boring it was in MY town compared to St. Louis. Ph.D. even went with me one summer visit. WHOOEEEE, that was a fun trip.

Tracey liked me even though I was geeky and bespeckled---even though I was a crybaby (she did try to toughen me up, though). She stood up for me when Paul Bowkowski kicked me in the back, and made me fall and skin my arms and knees up. She didn’t even laugh when I was being a crybaby. Tracey introduced me to a HOT, HOT, HOT dude one summer. She lent me her roach clip-esque feather earrings for the occasion of the 3 of us going to Six Flags!! His name was Kevin!!

Ah…good times.

So, I guess the ball is in her court. If she wants to visit or remembers me, she has my number. And her sister probably thinks I’m nutty.

Anyway, I’m glad I did it. Even if I get pegged as a creepy stalker type.

Have an awesome Friday!!!!!

Oh, and p.s.

The person in Buffalo that found my blog by looking for 'leif garreet nudies' (their spelling, not mine)......um, you won't find them OR him here.

Black Friday

Hi everyone. Hope you all had a FABULOUS Thanksgiving. I did.

I missed my mom and grandma terribly. I felt bad when Mom called me yesterday---but all in all, it's best for Grandma, and we WILL make a trip in the next two weeks.

Aside from THAT, I had a lovely Thanksgiving. Mr. Perfectly planned and executed the menu nearly from beginning to end. My only duties for the day was to make pecan pies (one regular and one chocolate pecan), and to make the broth for Chicken Noodle soup. This is the alternative to Turkey that Mr. P. wanted for dinner. With HOMEMADE egg noodles. Yum. It's one of our favorite meals. We top mashed potatoes with the homemade chicken noodle soup. Yes, I know...it's carb overkill, but man...let me tell you....unless you've had it, DON'T KNOCK IT. Obviously, this isn't a menu we eat regularly-----but OMG...when we do eat it.......it's knock your socks off good.

We had a raw veggie tray to help offset the lack of fiber in the meal itself....with raw tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots, cauliflower, broccoli, celery and green onion. Mr. P. also tried to make "Jessie Rolls" that I so failed at on Sunday. His weren't perfect, either. We apparently have a learning curve to perfect them. I will honestly say that the first two times I made them, they were pretty good. The 3rd time sucked and when Mr. P made them.....meh---just okay. Although, I didn't bake them, so I appreciate his dinner more than you and he will ever know.

We got up this morning at 3am to go shopping on 'Black Friday'. We went right back to sleep. We got up around 6 am to do the same and hit the mall. I wanted the free snow globe from JC Penneys......they were out. I should have been there at 4am when they opened. I am very disappointed. I've gotten the free JC Penneys's snow globe for at least the last 5 years if not more. **sigh** Laziness gets you NOWHERE.

We went to Lowes and got quite the deal. They'd advertised 14 gal 'Shop Vacs' with a 4.5 horse power motor for $29. They were sold out by the time we arrived. Another customer had 2 in his cart, when I asked him where he'd gotten them. He told me, but also told me they were completely out of the advertised product. But some dude that worked at Lowe's told him that they'd sell the 5.5 HORSEPOWER similar one for the same price. I went looking. There was only one left, and my cart was overflowing full. I found Mr. P, and sent him to the Shop Vac section and tracked down (stalked) the customer I'd talked to before to see WHO had agreed to such a deal.......and he pointed out some guy....whom I asked about substituting the shop vacs. He told me 'NO'. That they weren't substituting anything. I TOLD him that the OTHER GUY was getting a deal--and he said that there had been a miscommunication and that the big manager dude said 'no substitutions'. I stalked (tracked down) that other guy AGAIN in his checkout line and told him they weren't giving me the same deal as he got....and he whispered that the girl was ringing his up as $29 right then, and I should try coming through her line. Mr. P was at this point dragging the full cart AND the Shop Vac up to my location, and we got into line with the same lady that rang up the mysterious guy I'd been talking to all morning. I just said to her that we wanted the same deal he got, and she said "Yeah, I know", and rang it through as $29!!!! A $90 shop vac with 14 gal capacity and a 5.5 horsepower motor was OURS!!!

We also got a new over the stove microwave, some storage containers, a flashlight and 2 poinsettias. Whew. All for $148.00. Mr. P is now trying to install a brand spanking new Microwave.

Ph.d. and her husband came over with their dogs for a few minutes this morning. Wow. 5 dogs in this tiny house is quite the feat. Dex spent most of his time humping Lester, their almost 6 month old basset hound--If you read my blog YOU'VE SEEN HIS BABY PICTURES!! Not only did 7 lb Dex hump the 35 lb Lester, Dex also proceeded to lick Lester's....well....'private parts'. Lester is neutered, so there's not much left, but what was there was licked by baby puppy dachshund. It was sort of embarrassing.

Heather then called and wanted to go to lunch. Her favorite place is my Mexican place that has the Margarita's that I so love.......so I joined her and Maddie (who is 5) and Heather's sister, Mia...who is ALSO 5. I partook in a Jumbo Margarita, ate lunch, and then we all went to Kohl's. Their early bird specials were supposed to be gone at 1 pm, and we got there at 2 pm. But, I've been to Kohl's before when they've announced an extension of their early bird deals due to great demand. Sure enough, as we walked in the doors, they were announcing that the specials would end at 3pm instead of 1pm. I bought a purse (which I have an addiction to---it's orange, and slouchy, and big.....it's wonderful), and 3 towels and a down comforter for Son #1. He sleeps all curled up in various throw sized blankets and I thought he finally deserved a full sized comforter of his own.

So, here I sit......debating the idea of going to buy a WHITE Christmas tree this year. Talk me out of it, Internet.......it's wrong....so wrong to have as many Christmas trees in our house as we do. We have 3 artificial ones. THREE PEOPLE.......one we use, one is too big for our tiny little house (and HELLO.......pre lit trees? Once you go pre-lit, you NEVVVVAAAAA go back) and a fiber optic one we took from my Grandma Winnie's house after she died. I'm too sad to put that one up. Besides, it's only a 3 footer. I keep thinking white tree, with silver, brown and light turquoise ornaments..........can you IMAGINE? The lovliness? THE EXPENSE? THE STUPIDNESS when we have a perfectly good (albeit scrawny) tree that we got for $25 a few years ago. Pre-lit with 400 measly lights.

I'd take another scrawny 400 light tree....IN WHITE.....and decorate it all cutsey......Wal Mart has them.......I NEED AN INTERVENTION!!

Well, that's all I've got for now. I've got pictures, but none are loaded onto my profile yet, and since I'm computer illiterate, it'll have to wait til Mr. P. gets the new microwave installed and for him to have time to deal with photos. For my Blog. Nothing important, you know.

hahah...just joking honey.....take your time.......I understand!!!!

Happy Day after Thanksgiving people!!!!

Garage Door....how to make an ass of one's self.

So, I call the po-po because my nice neighbor's garage door was open all day. I could have gone and pushed the button, but was afraid of entering someone's property. When I left for work this morning, it was safely shut.

Mr. Perfectly and I pigged out on a Chinese Buffet lunch, and I came home early....to do some stuff. And the fact it's 75, sunny in NOVEMBER made me spring feverish. But thats beside the point.

I got home after stuffing my face with MSG and green beans......to find my neighbor happily waving hello from his yardwork (which I NEVER do). I stepped over to talk to him and told him about the garage door. I told him how I didn't want to meddle in people's bidness.....and that I was sorry if the call caused him any issues. He seemed surprised, and we exchanged numbers in case something like that would happen again...as we chitchatted, and I told him REPEATEDLY that I am not a nosy neighbor we got on the topic of our VERY nosy old man neighbor. BLAH...BLAH...BLAH...BLAH...as is the norm I couldn't keep my mouth from running.

I didn't say anything bad, really...just that the old guy gets annoying and I dont' like it when he corners my kids and gripes to them about life in general. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. Oh, I certainly don't want to be be thought of as nosy.....blah blah blah.

I think the guy thought I was a nut job. And too late!! HE'D ALREADY GIVEN ME HIS NUMBER. whoopsie!!

I asked him personal questions....well, not like PERSONAL PERSONAL, but stuff like "are you going to move in or are you just flipping the place?"...like it's any of my business!!!! What I was trying to find out is in the future, if there are house issues again, will he even be AROUND......not that I care if he lives there or not.

Hopefully he could see my earnest face, and knew I was just making nervous chatter. Crap. Another possible friend down the tubes.

So, now I'll have to be on my best behavior and not run outside in my nightshirt after the dogs, or scream at the television with the windows open, or yell at my kids from a few feet away to STOP TEXTING ME FROM THE SAME DAMN HOUSE........I'll have to live a proper, quiet life for a while in hopes that the poor dude doesn't think he's next door to the 'REAL' nosy neighbor.

The odd thing is that after our dialogue of the nosy old man, he mentioned that the guy had already been up there telling him about the garage door!! WTF?? He acted all surprised and whatnot when I was telling my story..........maybe he was just being polite and didn't want me to know that Nosy man had been up there probably talking about ME? I don't know....it always makes me suspicious when people that already know something, don't just come right out and say so.......they have a whole conversation with you...about something they already knew. It's weird.

But I have to say as I was turning into my cracked up driveway, I did sing "nah nah nah nah nah' to the McCain/Palin signs still in peoples yards. Not this guy's yard, mind you...I'd have left his door UP for that infraction........hahahahaha...just joking.....sort of.

So, Mr. Neighbor........I'm sorry for coming across as a whacko crackpot with a never ending spew of words coming forth from my pie hole. I promise, I really am nice, and I do try to be cute and funny.......so PULLEEEZZEE give me another chance and dont' change your phone numbers!!!

Insert Cutsie Title

I've got NUTTIN today folks.....I'm just not FEELIN' the mojo.

Mister Perfectly's beautiful Grandma Roles passed away Tuesday morning. Unfortunately, over the last several years we've not had much contact with his extended family. Mr. P had a difficult childhood. That's all I'm going to say. His Grandma was a glorious ray of sunshine for him....she was warm, loving, and giving. He has NOTHING but fond, loving memories of her. She was a talented artist, and a school teacher for most of her life. She was kind and patient. His Grandad passed several years ago, and that was the last time we saw Grandma. She was put into a nursing home right after grandad's death, and that's the last place we saw her. She was beginning to not remember people, but for much of our visit, she know Mr. P and understood that the children were his....Her GREAT grandchildren....we took photos, and our boys will have a very nice memory.

My family is much different. We are all up in each other's kool aid on a regular basis. We talk frequently, and everyone knows everything. We are close and happy. I would NEVER not see my family for years and years. Granted, with the passing of my Maternal Grandmother, we have not travelled to Iowa. I feel TERRIBLY guilty about this......and keep thinking I will rectify it. My mom has come here a couple of times, and I am eternally grateful to her for those trips.

Anyway, Mr. P is now on his way to Kansas to a funeral. One that I sorrowfully could not attend as well. Son #2 has a game today in Hannibal, MO, and it would be unfair (in our minds) to pull him out of his favorite sport AGAIN (remember, he's been out with injuries twice this season) to travel for a family that he truly doesn't know well. He loves Mr. P's sisters and mom, but still does not really KNOW them........this is partially our fault. With the fact we weren't aware Grandma was sick and would possibly pass, we just decided with the animals, and kids, it would be easier to have me stay here and mind the farm, so to speak, and have Mr. P head on to be with his family. He will be a pallbearer.

This trip will be hard for Mr. P. He dearly loved his grandma---she was a very stable part of his young life. He doesn't do well with sadness, funerals, being social and all the stuff people must do in these situation. That is MY job....I'm the buffer...the chatty Cathy.....he gets to stay out of the way and in the shadows.....so besides his sadness, he'll also have all the crap he HATES to deal with.....I worry.

On a different note, the puppy is great. He's very cute. VERRRYYYYY cute. He's pretty well behaved, and has not had too many potty accidents...he's been going outside pretty well for a baby puppy......he's had 2 pee pee accidents on the floor and he tends to dribble when coming out of his cage...because he's excited. He had one pee pee in his cage itself, but other than that ....oh, and a mystery something in the hallway---it could have been puppy poo, or it could have been cat puke.......all I know is that it was soft and cold when my bare foot made contact with it. BLECH.

I'd like to think he's really smart. He's been pottying outside quite a bit. He is quiet. He drops things when we say 'NO', he knows where his food bowl is, were the toys are, where his favorite laps are....he knows how to use his doggy stairs (both up and down).....and to date, he's not barked one time. He whines and sounds like a Goose, but he doesn't bark. Yet. He runs around all floppy like a puppy does and charms the pants off of everyone.

I'd also like to mention that I'm an AWESOME cook.....With football in full swing, and Son #2 not getting home til 6:30 most nights, and having games once a week, we've become quite the fast food eaters. It's kind of gross. Even my kids who say they love fast food are SICK OF IT.

Since Mr. P had to leave, and Son #2 had a game (he likes to eat lots of carbs), I made a pasta dish...Shrimp Fra Diavolo. Hell YES it was good!! Mr. P had this at BRAVO! last week.......and it was very good. I scoured the internet looking for recipes and true to Perfectly nature, I took components of several recipes that I liked and made my OWN up........the sauce at BRAVO! was slightly creamy, and all recipes I saw was for tomato sauce only....so I kicked it up and it was sooo good. TRY IT. It is SUPER easy......

1/8 c olive oil
1/2 SMALL onion (1/4 large) diced
1 shallot diced
5 cloves of garlic GRATED (smash it and make a paste if you don't have a grater)
2t (more to taste) red chili flakes
1t dried basil
1t dried parsley
1T salt
several grinds of fresh black pepper
2 14 (or 15) oz cans diced fire roasted tomatoes (blended til smooth)
1 14 oz can tomato sauce
1/2-3/4 c dry white wine
2 lbs med shrimp (or whatever size you like)
1 lb pasta
1/2 pint of heavy cream

saute the onion and shallot in oil. Grate the garlic directly into the oil after onions are translucent. Saute for just a minute. Add all spices and stir into oil, onion mixture----cook just for another 30 seconds or so. Add tomatoes and tomato sauce......cook til bubbly. Cook for about 10 minutes....add your shrimp ( I de-tailed mine for ease of eating......most restaurants leave the shrimp with tails on). Cook til shrimp are done (while simultaneously cooking pasta).

Add cream to sauce, and wait til you reach a simmer. DON'T BOIL HARD, OR CREAM WILL BURN. Add your sauce to pasta, and top with fresh parsley and freshly grated parm cheese.

OMG...it is so good. there was quite a bit of shrimp, so you can back off of it if you want to.......my boys love shrimp, hence the extra pound I added.

You could use lobster meat, clams or other seafood you love.

The sauce was spicy, creamy and luxurious. I highly recommend it.


I used some of my allowed bereavement leave to help Mr. P prepare to leave. There was alot to do....I wish I could continue it on through tomorrow. I will worry about him until he returns. He's got an 8 hr trip into Kansas, plus the funeral and the 8 hour trip back. Physically and emotionally draining for him, be sure of that. I'm sure my coworkers are talking about me behind my back for using paid leave when I can't attend the funeral itself. That's how my office rolls....they don't take into consideration that maybe, just maybe, I might be grieving in my own way----and that I'm worried sick about Mr. P. It much more fun to gossip and talk trash than try to UNDERSTAND how people may feel.

Toodles for now people. Try the pasta....let me know if you like it.......it was AWESOME in my book!!!

I don't compare myself to a pit bull

So, I heard back from Son #2's coach. He was very nice. He told me that something like 13 of the 50 kids were 'sick' or 'hurt' and couldn't practice, and unfortunately, Son #2 took the brunt of that one........He spoke to Son #2 and made amends. All boys that didn't practice that day got bumped down in their positions, but Coach assured mine that he WILL see game time tomorrow, and even may play quite a bit.

My MOMMY is coming tomorrow. I'm excited. My brother may come as well. That is Heather's (my niece) dad, and The Rock Star Princess's grandpa. Yep, grandpa. He was 34 when Maddi was born...I call him the youngest grandpa ever. This makes me think of Crissy's post, and the decision to have a baby---just think Crissy----you COULD be a grandma..........

Anyway, I'm excited about my mom visiting. She's a total gem, and I dont' see her often enough.

I am making French Onion Soup to put in the fridge, so after the game tomorrow, we can have something decent to eat..........we'll pop it into crocks, and add toasted bread and cheese, and OH MY.......I nabbed a recipe from the Food Network....Tyler Florence to be exact, and it's some mighty fine soup.........try it if you are so inclined.........it's super easy, but cooking the onions down takes a bit of time.

I am off work on Friday to hang out with mom......WOOT WOOT. I love my time off work!!

It seems like there was something IMPORTANT I wanted to share, but for the life of riley, I cannot think of what it was.

OHHHHHHH.....I know---IT'S A NEW GHOST HUNTERS tonight. I'm stinking up my house with 4 huge onions cooking down and topping it all off with ghosts. If I have crazy ass dreams like I did LAST night, I'll be peeved. Mr. Perfectly better be more sympathetic to my ghost fear than he was to my paralyzing SNAKE fear.

Does anyone else have problems with the FREE CREDIT REPORT DOT COM commercials resonating in your brain? I know, I know, I've talked about this before, but I have a real problem with it. The jingles just rattle around up there and WON'T GO AWAY. Mr. Perfectly thinks it's just TOO FUNNY to play them repeatedly for my OCD pleasure.

Took son #2 to get his mop top shorn.......coach doesn't want to see their hair sticking out under the helmet.........he's not happy with his new sort of traditional boy haircut. The back and sides looks like a reglar boy hair cut--over the ears and trimmed on the neck. The FRONT however, is still shaggy and sort of long-ish.....

Well, that's all the stuff I've got tonight.........real exciting, huh? Welcome to the life of a football mom..........BORING. I rarely wear lipstick, either.

I'll let you know tomorrow how the ghost show goes....and if I slept well through the fear and onion smell.........

Karma

Walking to the bathroom and seeing someone in our reception area. Noting, with disdain, his very, VERY large Huraches, and jovial “I’m such a cool guy” attitude. Getting into the bathroom stall and realizing my fly was down and gaping WIDE OPEN.

Happy Friday…..it’s my FAVORITE day!!

And the WINNER is.......

The digital SLR camera. Yep. Mr. Perfectly and I went out and bought it Friday night with the BB gift card. He hasn't been able to use it alot, because the humidity and heat is so OUT OF CONTROL that every time wants to use the camera outside (which is most of the time) it fogs up......Seriously, the humidity is disgusting. He's trying to get shots of son #2's 2nd week of football camp, but isn't having any luck.

I really don't have much to report--we had a pretty quiet weekend......save for son #2 getting stung by a wasp on his LIP......yes, his LIP.....I couldn't reach anyone.....and he has major allergies, so I was waiting for his airway to close or something equally as terrible. Luckily, nothing happened, except his lip was all swollen and fat......of course we were at the farm, and no benedryl to be FOUND. WE just iced it, and that seemed to work.

I had a benedryl hangover this morning. As soon as we got to the farm yesterday, my allergies kicked into overdrive. I went home and made some FABULOUS pasta for dinner, and was STILL an allergic mess. Finally, Perfectly's dad, who came over for dinner, said "WHY don't you TAKE something for that". So I guess my snot and sneezing got pretty annoying. I took two benedryl, and like the lightweight I am, fell asleep in my chair (there's a recurring theme, here), and stumbled off to bed again before 9 pm. I woke up with the alarm, and thought "no way"....told Mr. Pefectly goodnight again, and promptly went back to sleep. I called my boss and told her in my own slurring way that I'd taken some benedryl, and would be coming in LATER. I felt like I should be in a commercial moaning "I took some benedryl, and I CAN'T GET UP". HAHAHA.

I got some ringtones this weekend. I've had a cellphone for nearly 10 years, and have resisted the urge for cutsey ring tones, but with my new found love for the Kid Rock song, "All Summer Long", I was bound and determined to try to get that as a ringtone. Welllllllll.........the ringtones sites RIP YOU OFF and make you pay something like $10 a MONTH for that crap......no way. We already have high cell phone plans as it is....I don't need additional charges. So, I went to Sprint, and they had a free ringtone available......so I purchased "Father Figure" by George Michael to use on my incoming calls from Perfectly's Dad. I know that the song isn't actually about someone's dad....and in fact, depending on how one would INTERPRET that song, it could be about something LESS THAN proper.......but since I'm a total 80's girl, and I like that song, it will be just fine for me to hear George Michael when Daddy calls.

Then, I got the COOLEST ringtone for my kid's incoming calls. Again, you must remember that I'm an 80's girl, thru and thru. I got "Sweet Child of Mine" by Guns-n-Roses........isnt' that CUTE? I paid for that ringtone, though. But it was only $2.50 for unlimited use instead of disgustingly high rates for a service. I'm always amazed, when listening to Guns-n-Roses how awesome Axl's voice is. If he'd just quit SCREECHING all the time.

I'm thinking of getting "Red Red Wine" by UB 40 for Teenie's ringtone. But, they didn't have my Kid Rock song that I desperately want. I need a fun, song for Mr. Perfectly...does anyone have any ideas?

You want to know what his ringtone for me is? Betcha can't guess. I nearly cried when I heard it......cause he's so sweet.....he's sort of the romantic in this twosome. I'm not so much. But anyway...his ringtone for me is "You Are So Beautiful" You know, by Joe Cocker? yea....he's that kind of guy.....

When we were dating, and I weighed 100 lbs, he used to say he noticed my 'smile' first (yea, right)....and I'd laugh and ask him what he'd do if I ever got 'fat'. At one point, his 19 yr old self told me that he'd probably leave me if I got fat. Of course when one weighs 100 lbs and has a 23 in waist, one doesn't ever THINK that would be a real scenario in life. Well 100 lbs LATER in life, when I bring this up, he pooh pooh's me away and tells me very lovingly that he was just 19 when he said that and that (get this, girls) "I married you for YOU, not the package you are in".

Isn't that the sweetest?

So, I need an equally loving ringtone for him, that I can get on Sprint.com for a one time fee, and that is fun loving, too. I'm not all that mushy. I'm accepting ideas as of NOW. Keep it clean, Stoogie!! (smile) Although, there IS that Billy Squire song that we liked back in the day...........

My bra hasn't arrived yet. I can assure all of you that I will NOT be posting photos and/or videos. Sure, there's more fabric on that bra than on most junior sized swimsuits, but still...........the full coverage, cone shaped-ness of it all will remain mine to describe, not show.

I'm catching up on my television that I missed last night.......so I'll end with my FABULOUS pasta recipe:

Penne with peas and bacon

1 lb penne pasta cooked al dente
1 lb bacon, crumbled and cooked til very crisp (reserve about 1/3 of remaining grease)
1 small onion, diced
2 cloves garlic diced or grated
1 28 oz can of petite diced tomatoes
1 28 oz can of tomato sauce
1 10 oz pkg of frozen peas
1/3 c fresh basil, or 1 T dried basil (to taste)
3 T fresh parsley or 1 T dried (to taste)
2T sugar
1T Franks Hot sauce
1/2 c red wine

Cook bacon til very crisp, and discard much of the grease, leaving about 1/3 of total quantity

Cook onions and garlic in bacon fat
add spices, sugar and hot sauce and cook for about 1 minute
add wine to deglaze pan if necessary...cook another minute or so
add tomatoes and tomato sauce. cook until hot. Simmer about 15 minutes.

Add peas to sauce, and cook for another 4-5 minutes or so.

serve sauce over penne pasta and top with parm cheese and crispy bacon. You've got your full dinner......pasta AND veg in one. You'll look like a HERO.....bacon fat makes EVERYTHING taste good.

Enjoy!!

What's Saab?

My in-laws recently bought a new toy. A pretty red convertible. Mr. Perfectly and I went to Rolla, MO to visit them today. My Mother-in-law had recent back surgery and we took roses. We went for a spin in the new TOY!!!


Now, for all of you new friends that may not have seen the few pictures of me that I have posted, I'm putting myself out here.......self consciousness and all.

Here is PRE Saab-spin:



This is post-Saab-spin:



Internet, meet HOT Mr. Perfectly. Mr. Perfectly, this is the Internet:



See, I was trying to show the 'before' hair and 'after' hair, but apparently even after riding for 20 minutes in a convertible, my already curly, frizzy hair doesn't change much. Sorry--I was hoping for the Sam Kenison look......as my brother so kindly told me I looked like on a crazy bus in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. I guess it didn't quite work this time.

So, there I am, and there Mr. Perfectly is. Neither of the boys came, since #1 is still in Florida, and #2 was with Girlfriend.

I thought about crawling around on the hood of the Saab like the White Snake video, but I was afraid it may burn me in the 95 degree Missouri heat..........so then I did a Betty Boop imitation, and it just didn't turn out as planned. I saw cute and playful in my head, and in reality, it was very ROUND and YELLOW.......so I decided not to show y'all.

PSYCHE!!!!!! I will.....even though it PAINS me.....this is PERFECTLY in the ENTIRETY....and there's alot......but it's who I am, so take it or leave it:

Discombobulated

Well, Crap. Jury duty is over. The parties settled the case. SETTLED. I’m so upset! I wanted to DELIBERATE, to try to be the FOREMAN (foreperson?). I WANTED MY WAY, DAMMIT!!!!!

I spent the last 3 days plus 2 hrs fretting, thinking and worrying about this case. And they settled it. I feel gypped.

I called my boss to let her know I was free at last, but I had jeans on, and did she want me to come to work after I changed, or just come on in as is. She said to come on to work, so, WOO HOO….I’m working in jeans today….nah nah nah nah NAH!!!!

I’m not back into the work frame of mind yet…..I’m sort of reeling from all the stuff we saw and how awful the case was and how all parties in it must have suffered. I was truly leaning for the defense, BUT, I certainly felt bad for ALL people involved. It was just a sucky thing all around.

I met my boss’s mom while on Jury Duty. She was a hoot. I LOVED her. I hope we can meet for lunch on occasion.

OHHHHHH….here’s the big personal news. Son #1 got his tattoo. I HATE it. It’s on his back, between his shoulder blades. I don’t know what it is…….it actually is THIS, without the wings, and names. And smaller---maybe 5 inches. We aren’t a religious family…..I’m not sure why he was so HELL BENT on getting this tattoo…..is it because David Beckham has it? He’s not a DB fan, and he says he just likes it. AAARRRGGHHHH. I’ll post pictures soon…whenever BEST BUY gets our computer back. He, of course, is THRILLED. He keeps thanking me for letting him get it….and asking if I like it. I’ve been honest and told him NO, I do NOT like it at all……but it was his choice, not mine. (weep). I think it’s a cross between Christ on the Cross and a Guardian Angel? Anybody familiar with this symbol that can tell me what it is?

I also bought this. Isn't is gorgeous? I've got a wedding set in yellow gold, and I wear alot of silver and white metals, so I bought this on special for $19.82 and will wear it when alot of my jewelry is the white metals. It's prettier in person than in the photo.

I better get moving. Lots of work to do!!

To Tiramisu or not to Tiramisu?

Not to Tiramisu. Seriously.

Tomorrow is Teenie's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TEENIE!! Based on her recent craving for Tiramisu, that she couldn't find ANYONE serving in town, I filed that information away, and decided to surprise her on her birthday with homemade TIRAMISU. My first inkling that there may be a bump in the road is when I found out that she was taking off work on her birthday. Harruummpphhhh. I doubted she'd want a 9x13 pan of the stuff for herself, so I thought I'd take it to her place of employment and she could share the wealth with her co-workers. So, I changed my plan and decided to really throw her off and take it to her THE DAY BEFORE her birthday......she'd REALLY be surprised!!

I went yesterday to purchase the ingredients for the Tiramisu. I bought bittersweet chocolate, eggs and went on the search for Lady Fingers. Hy-Vee didn't have them, so I went to Schnucks. They are the only place I know of that has Marscapone cheese, as well. Schnucks was OUT of Lady Fingers (but not Marscapone), and the sweet girl in the bakery called Gerbes....of COURSE they had Lady Fingers. I'd been there twice already yesterday, and didn't THINK to look...duhh....so back to Gerbes I went. Bought the lady fingers....OH YEAH....earlier in the day, I went to the coffee shop to get real espresso....since I couldn't find any instant espresso powder. We live in the boonies.......with all the chocolate recipes that have espresso in it you'd THINK you could find it.....but NOOOOOOOO.

Anyway, back to more coherent thinking......I FINALLY gathered my ingredients, came home and had some pizza, and decided to tackle the recipe. I was really leery of the raw egg yolks.....I'm really goofy about chicken and raw eggs. I read several recipes and saw that one recipe beat the egg yolks and sugar over a double boiler.....not PERFECT, but at least somewhat cooked. I got my water simmering, and my metal bowl with the yolks and sugar. I beat the HECK out of it to make it thick and creamy...and managed to spray my whole stove with egg yolk.......**sigh**. I got that done, and while I was waiting for them to cool a bit, I got out the Marscapone cheese, the rum and my handy dandy espresso. I didn't get a full cup as I thought, so Mr. Perfectly made some triple strong coffee to have on hand if I ran out of espresso. I beat the egg mixture, the cheese and the espresso (oh, and I added vanilla), and it looked sort of loose.....not at all THICK......more like a thick pancake batter. So, I stuck it in the fridge while I dealt with the lady fingers.

Oh, the Lady Fingers. If you'll read the recipe, it SAYS not to soak them for more than 5 seconds---or they'd absorb too much liquid. Ok, 5 seconds doesn't seem like a long time, but think of something awkward....oh.....let's say, like being NAKED in front of a woman spray tanning you......NOW how long is 5 seconds? Or farting in front of your boss.....NOW how long is 5 seconds? It's a long freaking time. I thought I'd be efficient and took a whole ROW of Lady Fingers and gently placed them in the espresso/rum concoction. Hoooeeeeeeee.......they were SOGGY immediately. IMMEDIATELY. Oh no, now what? I'm digging soggy lady fingers from the liquid, and thought I'd go to 2 at a time....well THEY soaked up the liquid like NOBODY'S BUSINESS. By the time all the lady fingers were soaked, I'd gone through at least 3x, and maybe 4x the amount of espresso/coffee/rum. Yeah. I made a baby lady finger sandwich for me and Son #2 to try, and can you say BITTER? UGH. I put it all together, with the extra soggy Lady Fingers and put it all in the fridge KNOWING that I couldn't serve this to her and her co-workers.........

So, here is the soggy Tiramisu story. I went in and tried it before blogging so I could have first hand knowledge of what it's like. Parts are NASTY and parts aren't so bad.......I went ahead and kept it thinking I'll pick through it later. I consider myself to be a decent cook.....but apparently my judgement in using over 3x the amount of coffee/rum wasn't such a fabulous idea.

So, now tomorrow's her birthday, and my big surprise ended up being a big bust.

Any ideas of what I could do NOW?

Memorial Day

Well, the spray tan 'fix' wasn't all it cracked up to be. She did fine on my arms, but the legs? Pretty blotchy still. I don't have any 'before' and 'after' photos, so suffice it to say, I won't be spray tanning again....in a booth or by a person.

The person that did my 'correction' spray tan is Son #1's best friends' mother, whom I'd not met before. "Hi, nice to meet you........now I'm getting NAKED so you can spray me." Awkward!! That coupled with my self image issues and gargantuan breasts...well, let's say, any and all small talk was just weird. If I ever see this person in a social situation I'll have to remember her asking me to lift my breasts for a spray.....**yeah**.

We travelled to Bethany (Martinsville, to be exact) Mo to see the grave sites of my Grandma Winnie, that just passed a year ago in January (2007), and my great aunt/uncle. I'm not a fan of grave site visiting. It seems so sad and morbid, but my grandma did it, and this a way to keep our family meeting up. We are very small, and Grandma was our anchor. This is a great way to have the family meet in a central location to have our memories. Luckily, we aren't a weepy bunch. I just wouldn't know how to act if everyone stood around crying. It was a COLD day---so my cute shirt and bermuda-ish shorts (which were at least a size too big) were covered by an UGLY jacket that I threw in the car at the last minute. My cousin's daughter placed flowers at individual grave sites--she's 5 and beautiful. She put a flower in her hair and proceeded to place flowers where she was told to. She placed each stem down into the ground.....it was very sweet.



Here's a large portion of the family:



We all ate at the Toot Toot restaurant in Bethany for lunch--they have a huge buffet available. With good desserts. MMMMMM

The cute cousins were cute as ever. I always enjoy seeing them, although I tend to feel like I chase after them "Oh...Oh....play with me...PLEEEEZZZZEEEE". We went to Kansas City, Kansas to one of their homes and had a surprise birthday party for my Uncle. It was alot of fun, and consisted of Clown Noses and his own 'big boy chair' which he'd apparently requested (his two granddaughters have personalized chairs....now he's got one too....he says they are identical triplets).

It wasn't a very cute day....the wind was high and the humidity was abundant...therefore my curly hair frizzed.....but we took pictures anyway---here's the cute cousins and me...I'm in the middle......



Here we are following Mr. Perfectly's instructions to POSE:



It was an awesome day, and although it began cold and windy, it was GORGEOUS later in the day, so we couldn't have asked for more, I suppose.

How was YOUR holiday? Can't wait to hear what you all did!!

To short or not to short and Social Faux Pas...comments most welcomed

What do you think of women wearing shorts? According to Oprah's fashion-in-the-know guests and thanks to shows such as "What Not To Wear", women, regardless of size or shape shouldn't wear shorts. That they aren't stylish or becoming.

Ok, now what do you think about heavy women wearing shorts? Not just the "Oh, I need to loose 20 lbs" set, but truly heavy, obese women (and people) wearing them? And obese is not being used as a slam, but as a true medical term to reference and diagnose weight.

Now, what do you think of when you see truly obese people wearing shorts and tops that are too small? That don't fit well? That show the rolls? I mean distinctly--when heavy it's hard to camouflage it...so I mean terribly ill fitting items? You know who I mean....the stereotypical 'wal-martians'--the ones that look unwashed? That look just---well---gross?

Ok, that leads me to my question...I'm seriously overweight. I wear shorts--and sometimes they may not be very flattering. I don't wear too tight shorts, but I wear the nylon 'swishy' type shorts, denim shorts or khaki shorts (the green or tan variety) I shower daily, and my hair is clean--on weekends I don't always wear makeup (hence the eyelash tinting of a week ago Saturday). I run around town looking like a slob--my swishy shorts and a t-shirt. Flip flops or tennies.....In the winter I wear sweats and t-shirts and tennies....I call it my UNIFORM. Now, to go to work, I wear pants and a shirt (yes, they match) and flat shoes..(I cannot do heels)...to go out, I try to put a semblance of 'cuteness' to my outfit. If you ran into me at the grocery in my 'uniform', would you think I was gross, smelly and out of place?

I often wonder as I watch these 'style' shows....do people in other places really 'dress' like the 'What not to Wear' people? It concerns me on several levels. First, my shorts/sweats and t-shirt are COMFY; Second, they are generally inexpensive; Third, it's hard to find that combo of not slutty, not grungy, not MATRONLY and fitting; and lastly what I wear is COMFY......

I'm intimidated by so called 'style'. I can't afford high dollar brands, and comfort, multi-use and ease of washing are important to me.....Why do the style shows say that we will be JUDGED for the swishy shorts and t-shirts? That we won't garner RESPECT of others looking like a mess? And most importantly, why, if it's 95 degrees and 100% humidity, shouldn't I be cool in shorts? They are my size, and the fit fine...do my thighs offend THAT much?

Another thing about 'style'.....it's kind of, well.....sweaty......I mean, if one is heavy, then one may have the rubbing together of thighs, and breasts......a flirty skirt is NOT what I have in mind to remain cool as a cucumber....how does one combat THAT issue in an effort to be CUTE? I am not opposed to skirts, but for me....well....I prefer dry and leg holes to moist and skirts. Can anyone else relate? Do thinner people have the same issues but are better at hiding it? Is there a SECRET?? If so, PLEASE let me know. Skirts are inexpensive, versatile and CUTE....

My BFF's don't wear shorts, and they are both smaller than me. I feel sort of self-conscious when they relate how they look so 'terrible' in shorts.....UMMMM...Hello....I'm bigger and I'm in shorts....is this a TEST? Is it a gentle reminder? I just don't know how to manage my comfort, and being cute. And heavy CAN be cute...I've SEEN it......I just don't know how to DO it.

I'm sorry for dumping a plethora of style issues on you, but I just don't know what to do......try for cute and the risks involved, or stick with what I know, and what has been working and be judged by Others?

I'm looking forward to the evening....the fam is on their OWN for dinner (leftovers) and I'm reading, watching Big Brother, and drinking the rest of a bottle of cheap, but tasty sparkling wine from a Missouri winery. It's 80 degrees, sunny, the windows are open (ACHOOOO) and life is good.

Oh, did I commit a social sin? I have fretted about this for the last 24 hours. While at a track meet last evening, I was sitting with 2 other mothers that I know, but not well. One of them lives in my town, but works in another community 30 miles away. I began making plans with one mother to possibly car-pool to another track meet on Wednesday. I took her number and we chatted about who likes to drive and who doesn't and why. I neglected to INCLUDE the third mother in the car-pool plans....because MY mind was telling me she'd probably leave from work in the other town....I wasn't trying to be RUDE, but HOW often have I been on the 'outside' wishing others would include me in their plans? How do I make amends? Do I just pretend I didn't realize I may have been RUDE and INSENSITIVE? Oh my....this worries me.

Alright, Internet, I'm looking for advice from the wise...HEELLPPPP!!!!

Let's party like it's 2011

How was your Easter? Mine was lovely. My BFF Teenie's apparently was in the future.

She joined us for Easter Sunday Dinner of Ham, spinach salad, rice casserole, homemade rolls and corn at Perfectly's dad's house. She brought 2 desserts--fabulous. We gorged ourselves on food, and made fun smalltalk over dinner. We drank a nice bottle of Stone Hill winery wine that was quited aged (with sediment)....but further label reading indicated that it was best consumed when 'young'.....oh well...it tasted good anyway....She began telling us of her recent 'ski' trip to a man made mountain in St. Louis.......it was quite the ordeal, where she was heavily bruised and battered.

She confessed to taking old muscle relaxers that she had when she threw out her back "in 2011". I asked her...'in 2011?", and she said YES....remember when I messed my back up when I bent over to get groceries out of the car (making fun of herself for torquing her back while doing a simple task)....I stared at her, amazed...and she was all
'WWHHHHAAAAATT??? YOU'VE taken old medicine before haven't you???" Again, I looked at her amazed and put my hand on her arm and said, "Teenie, we haven't REACHED 2011 yet" She CRACKED up and realized what she'd said....and, backpedaling, said the muscle relaxers were from 2001.........hahahahaha.

Perfectly's dad moved the wine.

Skip to my Lou

I spent Saturday afternoon with my niece, Heather, her 4 yr old daughter, Maddison, and Heather's 4 yr old sister, Mia. I'm not all that great with kids.....the germaphobe in me doesn't really get on well with the toddler set. Maddi and Mia seemed THRILLED, however, that I was along for the afternoon. When we went to Hobby Lobby, BOTH girls were clamoring to go in with PERFECTLY.....to hold my hand (deep breathing, here--hands are the WORST for passing illness). We got through Hobby lobby and all it's glassware with no episodes, except Maddi exclaiming to Heather (and the other shoppers) that she had to POOP, really, REALLY bad.

Heather and I decided to run to the mall to see if the E.A.S.T.E.R. B.U.N.N.Y. was there. We didn't tell the girls where we were going or why. We parked in the lot, and once again, BOTH girls were anxiously awaiting my HANDS to hold. They were talking about running. I don't run. I asked them if they knew how to skip..and Mia proceeded to skip (in a 4 year old way), so Off I went, with a girl in each hand, skipping through the parking lot. I'm certain this was quite the site to behold....the fat a jiggling, the purse heavily falling off the shoulder onto my forearm.

The girls' PEALS of laughter made the spectacle all worthwhile. The 10 skips I skipped, made them LAUGH OUT LOUD, which was worth all the germs their little hands surely were giving me.

Malls no longer have a teenager with an attitude taking Polaroids for a rip-off $5. They now have 'photo packages' available for the parents to shell out big bucks for ($45.99 for the biggest). We just wanted some pics of the girls with the E.A.S.T.E.R. B.U.N.N.Y.

We called Mr. Perfectly, and he came to the rescue. He came with his camera in tow, and saved the day with some snapshots of the girls.



Afterwards, the girls got to choose some coloring books and 'bunny' glasses.


Maddi is on the left, and Mia on the right. I'm so happy I spent the afternoon with them. They were tons of fun and aren't they ADORABLE?

Promises...Promises

I know I've been titillating you with my promises of posting about girls night........well, I don't know how to take pictures from the camera and put them on the computer. Mr. Perfectly TRIED to teach me last week, but it didn't stick.......

I must confess, though, that I didn't get a photo of my chemical burned neck or zit--at least a close up...I did get some pictures of the girls and some feet.....so when I get to it this weekend, I'll post about our really fun night. Quiet, but fun.

Go here to see Mr. Perfectly's photo blog. He's good. Comment if you want...he likes to read comments....if you LIKE it that is!!!!

Today's photo is an awesome one of son #2 and Perfectly's dad. It's an awesome shot and a fabulous sentiment.

Gaffe Du Jour (via e-mail)

Applicant: "When can I expect my application to be processed, I applied Monday."

Me: Checked data base for online transactions--found nothing

Me: "Did you mail it in?"

Applicant: "Yes
Sent via Blackberry by AT&T"

Me: Print the e-mail and snicker at his stupidity w/ a co-worker.

Me: "We don't accept applications in this manner. The only way to apply is to go to (website we use at work) or to submit a paper application and a $100 fee."

Applicant: "I sent in the application with a $100 money order."
Sent via Blackberry by AT&T

Me: DOH.....Felt really stupid.

Nippy

A conversation with my 14 yr old son (the one who likes to pose on the roof).

Me: "Brrr...it's a little nippy out here"
Him: "HeHeHe....'nippy' HeHeHe"
Me: snicker, hoping he doesn't see me
Him: ""NIPPY" Hehehehehehehe"
Him: "Oh My God......is THAT why they call it Nippy?"
Me: (laughing hysterically) "Ask your grandpa"

Mortification abounds

I’m so sorry, internet fans (oh, yea….it’s just one…Mr. Perfectly)…but I temporarily lost my blogging groove. Call it laziness, or uninspired, whatever you want. I’ve been online reading a BUNCH of blogs, and I want all of you to be my new BFF’s. I just love getting to know you and reading your clever, witty orations.

Taking a cue from Mamalogues, I’ve been wracking my brain trying to think of embarrassing moments. I can think of many, but none as mortifying as my BFF Jakki’s. It was a fine moment in history that bears looking back on as often as necessary to keep the morification embers alive.

Jakki, at one point in her life especially, ordered A LOT from catalogs—back then online ordering wasn’t in vogue. She received a call from UPS one day, and they’d been trying to deliver a package to her, and had been unable to find someone at home. She directed them to deliver it to her office address. We work for the State of Missouri……STATE. GOVERNMENT. She figured it was something she’d ordered for herself or her son…..possibly a shirt, some cute new outfit.

One day, shortly thereafter, a gal from our mailroom came up to deliver Jakki’s package. As mailroom gal stood there with package in hand, she explained that it is department policy to open ALL packages that arrive in the office. Jakki, without a care in the world, said “sure, that’s fine”. Mailroom Gal: “No, really, we have to open ALL packages”. Confused, Jakki again nodded her understanding of department procedure. Mail gal leaves and Jakki looks at her package. Her package full of ADULT. PLAY. TOYS. AND. VIDEOS.

Her husband (at the time) apparently placed an order, unbeknownst to Ms. Jakki. So, the mailroom IN OUR OFFICE opened a package with a hot pink dildo, French ticklers and some warming body oils. Oh yea, and the video; "Black Beauties".

If she could have melted into the lovely rust colored carpet squares in our office she would have. I still tease her that it was actually LEON in the mailroom that opened the package and send Suzanne up to deliver it. Can you imagine? Hmmmm, wonder what this could be? Oh look, our very own co-worker had SEX TOYS sent to her.....

To date, I've not heard of ANYTHING more mortifying that that. What about YOU? Lett's keep w/ Mamalogues theme here.......embarassing moments in life. Tell me ALL of them.....I want to get to know you!

Oh, and for the record...the story about the sex toys? Yea, it's real. Don't let Jakki tell you otherwise. If she is ever famous, I'll be RICH with the dirt I have on this girl.......

Weepy

Actually.....I pee. My Dr. gave me a diuretic yesterday, and hoo boy.....does it tie up alot of your time in the bathroom. Not only does it tie up time...but it sort of comes on URGENTLY....like at the grocery store........ewwww. I have issues with public restrooms (except work...it's like home by now).....they are just nasty, and I avoid them at all costs. But not yesterday....no siree bob. The bladder won THAT battle.

Speaking of public restrooms, we should have a discussion on etiquette. People, be AWARE of what goes on around you....sometimes ladies need a little 'private' time to do their bidness.......maybe we'd like to poo in PRIVATE. So, when you see feet, and the common area is so very still...it may be someone waiting for the restroom to be, let's say, EMPTY???? Fluff your hair later...straighten the already straight hem LATER......let the gal poo in PEACE. Don't chat or have lengthy 'self talk' sessions in the mirror. Oh, and if you should enter the restroom during or immediately after someone mortifyingly has a smelly poo....don't comment on it to your pals......sheesh..........they already notice, and, um...hello....I'm IN THE STALL TO HEAR YOU. Oh, it's also a bathroom.....so sometimes people need to leave a stinky......better there than in your cubicule!! Uh Huh!! Think about it!

Oh, and please don't make eye contact. You know who you are. You're the one that checks out who's in the stall from the mirror, under the pretense of putting on lipstick. You check out the little cracks that the stall doors leave so you can see who's in there. Harrumph. I don't need to feel the need to politely smile at you with my pants around my knees.

Oh, and lastly, don't take photographs while in the stall. It's creepy when sitting on the pot, only to hear someone else close a stall door, then hear the sound a cell phone makes when taking a picture.....you know....'freeze frame' click, click.....what in the WORLD do you need to take pictures of in the potty?

Don't answer that.