Wouldn't you like to be a foodie too?

Oh food. How I love you. Today we are having my pulled pork sandwiches. Yum. Seriously...yum. While shopping for ingredients, we went to Hy-Vee..where there's a'helpful smile in every aisle'. Son #1 works there--so we go there alot, despite the fact it is probably the most expensive store in town. I'd take no smiles and cheap food, so Hy-Vee, make a note.

Actually, as a side note, we went to Schnucks first....it's a midwest chain of stores....and they can be pricey too, but not always....they haven't jumped on the 'soda should be as expensive as beer' train yet, so they are good in my book, since Mr. Perfectly and I consume copious amounts of soda (no, not pop--SODA). Schnucks supposedly had pork tenderloin on sale, but they were out. We found some pork loin (as the butcher kindly told me apparently it is far different than the TENDER loin).....it was 10 bucks for this airtight package of pork. I'm not a pork lover (except in my pulled pork sandwiches)..so I'm not a pro pork buyer...so after weighing the thought of finding pork any cheaper at Hy-vee--not likely, we bought the pork from Schnucks. Based on the butcher's high recommendation for what applications I wanted to use on the slab of meat.

Anyway, back to Hy-Vee---we bought toilet paper---Soft-n-Gentle...our plumbing doesn't tolerate real toilet paper well---Charmin just is too elite to break down well in water---and only a couple of places in town sell Soft-n-Gentle. Hy Vee is one of them.....and we could take a peek at Son #1 in action. He's so cute in his blue apron, working in the frozen foods section. So, while perusing the selections at the 'Friendliest store in town", wouldn't you know. Pork loin, WHOLE OR HALF for $1.99 a lb. We paid 3.58 a lb. for ours. So, what does one do? Buy a whole freaking pork loin for 'someday' or hope that Hy-Vee comes through again in a few months when we want pulled pork again? Decisions....we left the pork where it was, and wandered over to the bakery area. And between the bakery area and the meat, there were SAMPLES...I adore samples in the grocery store. This was of Chicken Scallopini.....which I will be making TOMORROW for dinner...it was awesome. And she had WINE samples.....WINE AT 10:30 IN THE MORNING at Hy-Vee---Maybe I WILL take some smiles after all!

Seriously, Hy-Vee is AWESOME for their wine tasting. We were at Hy-Vee at the Lake of the Ozarks by chance one day in November, and the ENTIRE STORE had wine and booze tasting around the ENTIRE perimeter of the store! I left tipsy!! Really tipsy.....not that it takes much to get me tipsy, but still....I bet I had 2 and a half glasses of wine in total there....plus a few liquor samples. Man oh Man.....that is my kind of day at the grocery store. Luckily, Perfectly's dad was driving. He patiently waited for me to go throughout the WHOLE store and drink! How awesome is Daddy!!

We tried some of the sweet wine this morning and bought 2 bottles....$8.98 a bottle. I embarassed myself because the food sample lady pointed to the bottles next to her display and said "this is all I have left". She'd ordered 5 cases or something and this was all until the order came in.....I HURRIEDLY grabbed the two bottles she had--because, you know, I didn't want to be left out of the wine stampede she'd had and all. And Mr. Perfectly pointed out the case that was sitting BELOW her display. Yeah...who looked like drunk THEN? At 10:30 in the morning. After proudly exclaiming how my son worked there too.

We came home and unloaded our huge grocery purchases and that is the end of the story. Exciting re-living my life, isn't it? Ohhh.....you want the pulled pork recipe?? Sure, here goes:

One pork roast--2-4 lbs--use your favorite. We've used pork chops, too
1 med onion, roughly chopped
1 green pepper roughly chopped
1/2 can chicken broth
3/4 bottle of WORLD HARBORS Jerk Sauce

Put all ingredients into a crock pot or slow cooker. Cook all day til pork falls apart. Shred the pork, add a little of the sauce (for flavor, not to make it saucy). Serve on toasted rolls, with cole slaw. ON. THE. SANDWICH. I promise, you'll love it.

Up on the roof.....

Today it is 65 degrees. Mr. Perfectly spent the late morning and early afternoon cleaning up debris from the December ice storm. We had alot of downed limbs and branches. He cleaned up some of it the week of the storm, and true to the Perfectly family nature, he put the rest off until today--and that's only because the free dump site (that doesn't have size limits on debris--such as length and girth) closes tomorrow.......we missed the curbide pickup that the city provided...for free, but when I complained about the missed opportunity, Mr. Perfectly so nicely reminded me that MY ass wasn't out there picking up sticks either. Touche.

Son #2 was put onto rooftop duty, gathering the debris that has been hanging out up there....and true to HIS nature, while he was up there,we (and the neighborhood, and passing small planes) witnessed the following.......




Son #2 is 14, and the girls all tell him he's HOT. They tell him he should model for Abercrombie........he's been practicing:





Or perhaps, he's auditioning for the next Spider Man??




So, next time you are flying over my neck of the woods and see a cute blonde kid on the roof goofing off, give him a shout out......

Matt or Ben

Although many may think it crass, or juvenile.....Mr. Perfectly and I have had a BLAST with the Sarah Silverman video "I'm f&^$ing Matt Damon". She made it for Jimmy Kimmell--her real life boyfriend who has this 'feud' with Damon........ We've laughed and laughed....primarily because when we happened upon it (we weren't searching for it....Mr. Perfectly found it by accident), it struck us as hysterical that Matt Damon is in the video......I couldn't get the tune out of my brain for a week.

Well, the tune is back.........with a 'revenge' video from Kimmell. I think it's funnier than Silverman's......it's "I'm f*&%ing Ben Affleck".....you decide. Go to Mr. Perfectly's blog here and vote....the poll is on the right hand side......we want to know who YOU'D rather do? Matt or Ben......

Intervention

I commented on Lawyerish today, and her post made me want to continue my comment to her in MY blog. See, I read everyone’s blogs, and I can totally relate to something, or have a comment, then I want to take the topic into MY blog…but then, what if that’s stealing or plagerism in some way? Sheesh….I need to get over the blog anxiety…..hey, maybe this is touching on an entire new area in the mental health field……blog anxiety……..

Anyway, Mr. Perfectly and I have a secret. An addiction. We’ve been unsure for YEARS how to handle it. It’s shameful, yet we can’t stop. We can’t stop buying condiments.

Yes condiments. Jars of stuff. They have overrun our refrigerator. We have a difficult time storing then getting back to our leftovers, because of all the condiment jars in the way. We have pickles..dill, sweet and bread/butter, salad dressings, sauces, salsas,marinades, olives, butter (that isn’t really a condiment, but still)…oh the butter….horseradish, mustards of all varieties, pickled jalapenos, pickled beets, pickled spicy cauliflower…….it’s NEVER ENDING.

And, do condiments spoil? We can’t seem to weed them out…we may want to USE THEM someday. We have tiny mustard jars from Christmas baskets maybe 6 years ago………Mr. Perfectly doesn’t want to throw them out because we may WANT them sometime……at some point, even MUSTARD has to go bad, doesn’t it? Why is it that we can throw half a stinking CHICKEN away and not blink an eye, but BACK AWAY FROM THE CONDIMENTS is what we hear in our brains when we clean out the fridge…….

Behold the insanity:


Go ahead, blow it up...just SEE what I mean!! I took all of this this from our refrigerator just tonight....to prove to you, Internet, that we have a serious problem. This is my photography...I rarely take picture. Mr. Perfectly is the photographer in the family...I've already heard about the lid reflection in the tiles, and the fact the camera wasn't straight (heh....straight...who'd a THUNK that someone may see that the countertop looks askew), and the fact the drawer is open.....welcome to my messy world....the world of a tiny, no dishwasher kitchen.

If you want to see a sampling of Mr. Perfectly's photography, go here (if it's working.....it wasn't earlier, so try back later...he's really good).

So, tell me, what does one DO for such an addiction? We can't possibly give UP the things we love to slather and add to all of our favorite foods......HELLLLPPPP!!!!

Puppy Love

Hi. My name is Buster. I'm approximately 5 years old and I am a prince. I love sitting on my mom's lap, but I try to bite her if she moves me. My favorite place in the world is MY bed. My owners think it's theirs, but it is really mine....alllllll mine. I spread out as much as my 15 lb body will allow. I WILL bite any human, dog or cat that attempts to invade my space. I have everyone bamboozled with my threats, except the dad. He doesn't take my bullshit. I sleep under the covers with my humans. The dad wanted to replace their cozy waterbed with a KING sized bed so he had more room, since I like to stretch out. I hate farts...I find them undignified, and will leave the area if an offending odor invades. Unless it's mine....then I pretend it is THEIR farts....they are just humans. They don't know the difference.




HI...HI....HI...OH HI...CAN YOU SEE ME? HUH? HUH? HUH? I can see you and I want to french you...I want to french EVERYONE......I love tongue kissing......yea I do. I have two speeds.....full speed ahead and off. Nothing in between. If I sit on your lap, I'm sleeping or trying to FRENCH you.......yessiree.....Buster is a bully---but he's a helluva lot of fun to play with....but it's always on HIS terms.....only when he wants to play......I'm gentle, loving and YIPPEE....kinda hyper....I hate the UPS truck and the mailman. They are the bane of my existence. I sit on the back of the couch just WAITING for them to come and I bark my ASS off.....I think the humans really enjoy my protective nature. The harsh barking really makes them feel confident and protected.....Oh, my name is Copper.......can ya tell why? I'll give you THREE guesses...............my COLORING? You guessed right away...how didja guess? Wow...you are smart. You know how Buster finds farts undignified? He doesn't know what he's missing.....it doesn't matter who farts around here....I sniff my own rear......you never know it COULD'VE been me.........oh, and one more thing...I hump blankets when anyone leaves the house. Even if some of my family is still here...in the same room with me. I know, it's a bit humiliating, but I can't HELP it......Oh, and I'm not fat.....some of the mom's friends that have looked at this photo have said I am a fat doggie, but I'm not.....it's just a bad angle.....the mom wanted to show off my Coppery coloring and didn't choose a flattering shot......I'm sort of a Min Pin mix, and what you see is my hindquarter folded up against my belly.........


Um...Yea. As you can clearly see, I'm not a puppy. She would call her post "puppy love". Clearly, I'm a feline. Not a canine. Sheesh. I am Joe Kitty. You can call me Joe. I'm the coolest cat ever. Copper is a pretty cool playmate. I sit up on my hind legs and pretend I'm a GRIZZLY BEAR and swat the crap out of him. I don't have claws, but I'm a GRIZZLY at heart. I eat dog food, and occasionally pee on towels that get left on the floor. Or socks. The baby gate that the dad puts up so the stupid canines won't eat my poop recently got put up incorrectly (yes, the mom did it wrong) and I couldn't get under it. I'm too old, lazy or stupid to JUMP OVER, so we had a bad weekend of peeing on towels and pooping in the bathroom laundry basket. Since the dad found the problem, I've done better. The lady should just get her stuff together and know how to PROPERLY change my litter and to place the gate JUST SO.........huh. I showed them. Since the mom is learning how to put pictures on her blog, this got a little out of hand, don't you think? The dad is a decent photographer, so maybe she'll post more of his photos. He'd probably like that.

A waste of perfectly good space

I'm at it again. I'm trolling blogs and falling in love with SO many of them. I felt like I didn't pull my weight at work, because I want to know everything about all of these invisible new friends of mine.

I'm sort of finding my voice here in the blogging world. I'm having a BALL with the cutsie titles of my posts, but I'm lacking READERSHIP. I'm lacking FAME and 'OHMYGODICAN'TWAITTOREADHERNEXTPOST'. I'm too chicken to say some of the things I really WANT to say, because, what if? What if my employer reads it and I end up 'Dooced'? What if nobody thinks I'm NEARLY as clever as I do? What if they don't understand my play on words? My sarcasm? What if I identify someone that doesn't want to be identified? What if they think I'm fat and won't like me? What if my MOM reads me writing the 'F' word? She doesn't know I have a blog, so at least at this moment, that's an absolutely irrational fear, but STILL. What if all the English hoity toity people out there find me too feeble to even 'BOTHER' with (said with a snobby elitish accent)?

I want to post with reckless abandon about my children, husband, family and friends, but Mr. Perfectly and Perfectly's Dad always tell me to not TALK so much. To keep things like, oh, EVERYTHING a secret from the world......because they may use against us later on.....I'm supposed to be conservative with my thoughts and not tell all our bizness---I'm supposed to maintain decorum, even when there IS none! I want to gossip about stuff that happens, but what happens when the gossipee reads my blog (that they currently don't know I have)?? I want to shout from the rooftops about political topics, but......I work for State Government, and what if they don't agree? Um.....that's like my job......

Oh how I want to be like you, blog world. Give me a shout now and then and tell me if I'm doing ok.

Mortification abounds

I’m so sorry, internet fans (oh, yea….it’s just one…Mr. Perfectly)…but I temporarily lost my blogging groove. Call it laziness, or uninspired, whatever you want. I’ve been online reading a BUNCH of blogs, and I want all of you to be my new BFF’s. I just love getting to know you and reading your clever, witty orations.

Taking a cue from Mamalogues, I’ve been wracking my brain trying to think of embarrassing moments. I can think of many, but none as mortifying as my BFF Jakki’s. It was a fine moment in history that bears looking back on as often as necessary to keep the morification embers alive.

Jakki, at one point in her life especially, ordered A LOT from catalogs—back then online ordering wasn’t in vogue. She received a call from UPS one day, and they’d been trying to deliver a package to her, and had been unable to find someone at home. She directed them to deliver it to her office address. We work for the State of Missouri……STATE. GOVERNMENT. She figured it was something she’d ordered for herself or her son…..possibly a shirt, some cute new outfit.

One day, shortly thereafter, a gal from our mailroom came up to deliver Jakki’s package. As mailroom gal stood there with package in hand, she explained that it is department policy to open ALL packages that arrive in the office. Jakki, without a care in the world, said “sure, that’s fine”. Mailroom Gal: “No, really, we have to open ALL packages”. Confused, Jakki again nodded her understanding of department procedure. Mail gal leaves and Jakki looks at her package. Her package full of ADULT. PLAY. TOYS. AND. VIDEOS.

Her husband (at the time) apparently placed an order, unbeknownst to Ms. Jakki. So, the mailroom IN OUR OFFICE opened a package with a hot pink dildo, French ticklers and some warming body oils. Oh yea, and the video; "Black Beauties".

If she could have melted into the lovely rust colored carpet squares in our office she would have. I still tease her that it was actually LEON in the mailroom that opened the package and send Suzanne up to deliver it. Can you imagine? Hmmmm, wonder what this could be? Oh look, our very own co-worker had SEX TOYS sent to her.....

To date, I've not heard of ANYTHING more mortifying that that. What about YOU? Lett's keep w/ Mamalogues theme here.......embarassing moments in life. Tell me ALL of them.....I want to get to know you!

Oh, and for the record...the story about the sex toys? Yea, it's real. Don't let Jakki tell you otherwise. If she is ever famous, I'll be RICH with the dirt I have on this girl.......